oh yay!

ooohhhh ggoooodddddd.so fine taufik won.no hard feelings there but my cuz was screaming like mad and she jumped onto a chair and bounced along.it was amazing watching the singapore idol live.i could have kicked myself though for not paying enough attention on stage.but hey!they did look very miniscule.but sly looked goood.the atmosphere was great.everyone was just screaming along and having fun and dancing on chairs.i screamed myself horse.abit sad that it was all over though.i have the ticket stubs.gonna frame it up.lol.(:
then we actually waited for ages to see those two leave the building.met some interesting characters.one that told us that he would be going to hard rock cafe cos tt's where the idols would be.sorely tempted to go but dint.but we saw the othere nine finsalist though.goon cuz couldnt take pic due to goon camera.haha.i enjoyed my night out with them.trooped to kfc for dinner where we laughed our heads off.we almost dint have enough money to pay the cab driver though.we bribed him with goodies from the show.we gave him three tea bags and one idol flag.his daughters were a fan of taufik though.gosh.he won.
he is good.but i still like sly.i was the only sly fan in a taufik territory.abit scary.lol.oh yeah,i went.(:
-
mom's still prety mad at me about forgetting to fill up the jc form.yah,i could kick myself too!but its okay,i'll just go find work with my cuz.[oh,this thing could move!]if,there are still work available though.*crosses finger

embrace-gravity

Honey, It's been a long time coming
And I can't stop now
Such a long time running
And I can't stop now
Do you hear my heart beating
Can you hear that sound
Cause I can't stop thinking
And I don't look down

And then I looked up at the sun
And I could see
Oh the way that gravity turns for you and me
And then I looked up at the sky and saw the sun
And the way that gravity pulls on everyone, on everyone

Baby, It's been a long time waiting
Such a long, long time
And I can't stop smiling
No I can't stop now
And do you hear my heart beating
Ah can you hear that sound
Cause I can't help crying
And I won't look down

And then I looked up at the sun and I could see
Oh the way that gravity turns on you and me
And then I looked up at the sun and saw the sky
And the way that gravity pulls on you and I, on you and I

its creeping me out.

oh dear.a few more days to raya.but it seems like no biggie.each year,the month passes by so fast that i feel like reaching out for its neck and choking it so tt it could slow down and wait for me to catch up.this whole week has been pretty fruitless.caught princess diaries with my dearest cousins.we have a pack to go wakeboarding yah! just me and you and the great blue sea.oh,i can hear the waves calling our names!(:
-
i went to make new specs.i think its okay.but i just realised how huge it was.but i think its okay.but my family thinks otherwise.oh wells.
i saw my lovely today.it was good.somehow my bro managed to figure out who he was and announced it to the family.tuition teacher included.each year it seems that she is becoming much closer to us.its gonna be sad to say goodbye.i hate tt.goodbyes i mean.but i'll still see you again.right?
-
everyone's out painting cept for me.haha.but i get stuck with laundry!gosh.and i saw the other one too.oh,nice gorgeous day.(:
i wish we had fairy lights.i really really wanted fairy lights.or lampu kelap-kelip as they say.
*blink-blink* oh.did i mention that i'm hooked on meteor garden?oops.loser.but i cant help it.it just tugs on my lose heart strings.lalalalala.(:
.
oh huge hugs to everyone!
-
now we 'orang belakang' as how the uztaz like to call us,have red black and white bands around our right ankles.it symbolises our friendship.like yeah right!haha.oh..i love u guys!<3

this is it.

tuesday is my first paper.and then i'll be waiting with bated breath.wish me luck.

oh..my tummy aches

never again will i eat something from geylang.it is contaminated and dirty and it made me vomit.yup.three huge mouthfulls of it.disgusting.then i had to camp outside the toilet cos i keep heh.shitting.and its liquid shit.seriously disgusting.i'm still not feeling better today.hope i'll be ohkay by tomorrow though.phy pract.grrrr.ok,remember nad,three sig fig,accuracy to the smalles square.and that and this and that.
-
rury's dvd is stuck in my comp.heh.sorrie babe!yup.and sha,pass me back my stuffs tomorrow ah.or when the first paper starts.i like ure new skin!
-
haha.tas wrongly smsed me.no wonder.i met up with my cuz that day.we studied together along with wan qi and her friend.wan qi was so desperate to go the concert!haha..'iiii wwwaannnttt yooouuuu'
-
(:

fun fun fun!

ooohhh..let me talk about yesterday!went out to study with collin thad and deb.the plan was to go the esplanade library but goon collin got the two libraries mixed up.we were just about to go and strangle him when i came in to save the day!lol.but yeah,we finally made it in the end.the lib was so quiet but the view was fantastic.we sat at these neat couches near those huge huge windows with that great great view.u could see the sea and the trees just swaying.then it started to rain.it took me a few minutes to get started on chem cos i kept gazing out of the window!then suddenly i saw someone that looked exactly like the mr bus stop.panicked awhile.luckily he got out soon enought.when we couldnt stand the silence,we all packed out and took a boat ride!

yup!the uncle was so nice.instead of paying 12 we paid only 6 bucks and we got a bumboat all to ourselves!so we sat on the boat and we boated[?] pass the merlion and a couple of beaches.we waved madly at other tourist in other boats!it was so much fun!then we headed back towards a stairwell where i prayed and we headed towards the front to just sit and chill.i felt guilty though for studying of all of 2 short hours!but it's ohkay.so we sat and talked and laughed and talked and debbie was so bored!but she didnt complain much though! <3
so we stayed there until round 5.45 and then we went to taka to go eat seoul garden!
-
ooohhh..there were some cute guys there.all sporting that legendary[lol] belt that i am in love with.no need with clues here!so we sat.the others took the food first and started cooking and cooking while i waited a few more minutes.
-
collin and thad were in LOVE with tau gay.they kept on taking plates and plates of those white things and started to cook them.it was great just having dinner with them!then we ate..and ate..and ate..and ate..like there was no tomorrow.okay,not really lah.the soup was disgusting.
heh
so afterwards,we had ice cream and a dare!yup.we dumped everything inside and each one had to taste it!thad cheated though so we added ice cream to the soup and he had to taste it!it had a weird burnt taste though.hah.but it was so much fun fun fun.
-
the day ended there then.lol.but i really enjoyed the bonding session and the laughs!
(:

grad

yesterday was grad.everything was ohkay.we started by learning a new song by miss tan.god noes how it went.then there was mad photo frenzy.we took the whole class at the stairs.mrs lee was our photographer!then there was early recess and we all trooped to the hall.
the event was okay actually.mrs chai was retiring so we sang her a b-dae song,cos it happened to be her bdae too!then we had the video presentation.followed by the speeches by the class representatives.di did quite well actually!everyone was thanking all the teachers and then we had to go and shake hands with all and i mean all the teachers.hand was feeling numb after that.everyone was tearing and hugging.its so sad to say goodbye ):
-
on a happier note,i went for piano and met with my darling cuz!we studied under the void deck somewhere.great wind though.then we went for buker and then we went to kfc.along the way she had to put up wtih my madness cos i was screaming and laughing like nobody's business!
-
today,i went to study with wanqi-oh god,the neighbour is playing the freaking drums-but we cabuted halfway to go bugis!heh.so sick and tired of studying.

today was...

i skipped school today and went out to study with collin.then we went to my uncles place but no...he was not there.my cuz told him about the crush thingy and so..HUGE OOPS.heh.
actually,i have nothing much to say.just felt like blogging.so,there!haha.i'm happy.really happy!

i give up

today was funny
i asked him what song did that band play
and he shouted,i want you
naturally,the whole class burst out laughing.blush worthy moment!
-
i'm gonna miss my class loads.specially my friends.its scary to think that they wont be here with me to continue the next part of the journey.thad and collin could not stop talking about grad.though its gonna be a very very low key affair,i think i'll appreciate it all the same.its gonna be hard to say goodbye.oh gosh
-
i'm in a hurry to finish up all the cards tt i'm making.i hope it'll be ohkay.and oh,i made it for three months.dad is hell bent into making me go to tj though.but i dont want too!its so...dot-dot-dot.
my cousin brought along his girlfriend that day for the dinner.abit surprising.now everyone is bringing their girls.cept for us!haha.what to do ah babe?
-
so,i saw this really cute shoe which was in my size but unfortunately couldnt fit me.so we're going shoe shopping!i've already wasted two days so after all this i better get down and study.i find it hard to concentrate though.i saw tt guy loads of times today.kinder made my day.(:
-
i think that i have to go and water my teeth and brush my plants.i put the rice in the rice pot but forgot to on the cooker.as a result,the rice was not cooked till my dad came home to check.oh,and did i mention that my tv fell?haha.

i'm very much thankful right now cos i made it.yes.all my worries have been nothing.as usual.but yes,I MADE IT!(:
on fri,me and arafah went to eat bk.and well,we saw mr it.wow.hahah.it was funny seeing him after so long.it really feels good to spend time with her.i'm gonna miss my friend.i gave sha her uncompleted gift.heh.hoped she liked it.-but wait,she did.yah.i cancelled piano cos i thought i had classes but in the end classes were cancelled so i had the whole afternoon free.dad finished painting my two walls red so the other two will be yellow.i think.it is gonna be a riot of colours all horribly mashed up.what with my blue bedspread and purple couch!ouch.haha.
-
went for dinner with the whole family last night.went to pattaya gardens.the food was good and my cuz brought his girl.a bit werid that everyone is bringing along their others.we're all growing up!
-
the tv just fell
oh no

bloody freaking hell

i think i am way too paranoid.i worry about the simplest and stupidest things and about pple who i would-i think-never see again.ever.oh fuckwit.bloody hell.i am so freaked out for my a-maths.ms tan pointed to us saying tt we had to stay back.my self-confidence is crushed.but at least i passed phy.i hope i'll do well.cos ms kang said no one failed except a boy.i have 13 more points to spare.oh god,pls let it be.grrrrrrrr.I HAVE TO STOP WORRYING.but no,nothing's working.unable to stop thinking and thinking..what if?bloody toot.i just feel so worried!i feel like adding lah after my every sentence.bloody fuck lah.what on earth is wrong with me.has always been one of my worst traits.worry my head over nothing and then breathe a sigh of relief that everything is ohkay.saw the yishun jc guy.its a wonder that i can base how my day ends just by the presence of one person.bloody lame actually.hah.my good luck charm my ass.n-levels are on going.two classes had to shift down to the art class.not so bad actually.but the chair sucks.like real bad.oh gosh.an idiot on wheels just passed by.i give anything to be able to feel the wind pass through my hair again.oh god.prayind does make u feel good.try it.(:

dots

oh baby,i just realised that what i had written have no meaning whatsoever.it is truly the sypnosis into everything that i have done.i dint want to tell all cos i thought it would be boring but hell,its my BLOG!huh
we have two washing machines now.my god.thought that the old one was rosak but when dad tried it,it was okay.but he went ahead to buy a new one first without checking.hah.so now we have twwwwwooooooo.anyone need a new machine?call me up k.which by the way,reminded me that i had changed my home number.but for the life of me,i can't remember what it is.624-something-something.
-
the canteen was packed today.couldnt find an empty table.we got booted out of bk twice.huh.and it wasnt even that crowder!saw muntaz.she didnt recognise me though.huh.still looks the same as ever.some random song is ringing inside my head.lalalalalala
-
creature comforts.i dont feel comfortable right now.i put words onto paper but it still seems to be fake.purge me from all of my sins.i just destroyed my bathroom.the whole thingy fell down and crashed.hahaha.
entertaining evil thoughts.i want to rule the world.join me?
-
wanqi tried to leave an inprint of her slipper on my face.dont know what's wrong with her.suddenly the slipper came flying at me.weird girl!then i saw a nice bodied man.huh.and then my thoughts went flying through the drain.but on a happier note.i saw that random guy with the weird teddy bear bag.haha.and there was a mass line dancing thingy going on!so weird to see all of them moving up down left right.
-
tra la la la la.planning with collin to get the whole class together.and i dont think that a whole bottle of glue would be able to do the work.haha
charcoal charltons.
mom nagging at me again.i know its the o's.bug off man.all work and no play makes john a dull boy.my ass.i hate it when she bites my ear off.ggrrrrrr

no way

huh.ITS FINALLY OVER!phew.but i think i screwed it up really bad.i got so freaked out before the exam that i had to do the same question three times before getting it.and that was only the first one!god help me.
on a happier note,he gave me the cd today along with a note written on a filter paper.awwwwww..how sweet!its so unlike anyone i know to give me that.huh.k,not really..but still.the thing is up on my wall now.along with other pieces of memoribilla.did i spell that thing right?can we think of happy thoughts?i want to see the future.ithinkimentionedthatalready.
-
my discman cover patah.so sedih.bro tried to fixed it but now its lopsided.time to get me a new one!yayness in all the world.greendaygreendaygreenday.i like the crystals formed when u heat up lead 2 sulphate with something something.the guys actually burned the floor and the table trying to burn magnesium ribbon.the bright light is,really blinding.lol.oh..i wanna a dimple.not pimple.let's play connect the dots!wheee..
oh how i would pay good money to have my childhood back again.
-
i finally saw that one.but now got the other one.was on the brink of telling but held back.i think he knows cos he mentiond that one name.there are too many words.huh.i'm all tangled up,comb me free.
-
oooohhh..wq came over yesterday and she did my hair!i finally had curls in my hair.but it dint last though.so sad.oh look,singapore idiot.go syl go!
-
i dont want my year to end.i think it'll be harder for me to say goodbye this time round.pass the tissue please ):

note to self-this is a tragedy

bloody comp is bloody fucked up.stupid thing moving so slow.i wanted to tear my hair out and shower it all over the machine.bloody fuck.huh.oh wow.look at the date.25th.one year.if we had lasted.two more weeks and it would be the bus stop incident.so fast the hands on the clock flew.on thursday and prelims would be over.
oh all the chickens and ducks in the world.i want to eat rambutans and peaches in the can.i have my money on my side.

a-maths paper was horrible.so was phy.i think i give up.though i'll be bloody disappointed if i cant get into 3-months,i have to think realistically.no more fun for me.so sad.i keep seeing the same pple pat airport.all tpjc guys and girls.
oh honeybearbunnykins.

my eyes burn
from these tears
you think you learn over these years
good things wont last
forever
-one of the bands from the cd

dear god,give me strength.amin

theres a corner right there,waiting to be explored.

Though the name Nadzirah creates the urge to understand and help people, we draw to your attention that it causes an emotional intensity and sensitivity that is hard to control. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the fluid and nervous system.
Your first name of Nadzirah has given you a friendly, likeable nature, and you could excel in artistic, dramatic, and musical expression. With this name, you desire the finer things in life, but you do not always have the resolve and vitality to put forth the effort necessary to fulfil your desires. Your emotional feelings are easily affected and you will always be involved in other people's problems as a result of your overly sympathetic nature.
-
laugh together with me now.one-two-three.hahaha.(:

i stayed home from school today.did abit of maths and phy.i gave up awhile ago.i hope things would turn out ohkay.i really want to do well but i dont think i would be able to make it.i want to make more study dates.darling izzah,would u be free for all the saturdays and sundays to come till the o's? heh.i would blanjer you the chocolate blended while u can try to train me to like coffee!and we can get lost together in the vast airport carpark and eat all the mee mamak goreng in the world with those disgusting creatures climbing on the wall.eeeee
monyet you
-
tap into the darkest secrets
unleash those skeletons in your closet
-
how are u able to write so darkly and find the special and correct words to evoke the right sort of emotion.how do u find the exact colours to express how u are feeling right now.help me find a muse.find me my inspiration.deal me a blow.pull the heart out.pull my limbs out.one by one.i feel guilty.i remember those days.of laughter and freedom.suction me out.toss me togethere.piece by piece.

read this

i bought a book.i thought it would be good but on second thought,why on earth did i buy a book about this lady son who died due to manic depression?huh.but he is an unbelievable boy though.reading about him,i can't help but feel phwoar.he's an amazing writer.
here's something

control
broken evil sunshine filters through the walls of my cell,i close my eyes to it.i don't need its warmth or its healing light.i want to stay here in darkness,pale,panting and bleeding,wishing for an escape into reality,but i find none.my soul is empty.i am weak,hollow,alone.i pray to the empty black sky at night and ask the being my parents told me of to save me but he wont.there is no god watching over me,no heaven awaiting my arrival.i scream into the echoing abyss and lash out at the darkness,my fists striking out at the air.i wish i could hit something just to know i wasnt alone in here.but i am.nowhere to go,and nothing to see.i am locked into my cage,like an animal and i begin to feel like one.all i know is i must spend night after strangeld night here in my room alone.
-nick triana

things dont always turn out the way it should be

see,nothing to worry about.it wasnt you,it wasnt him,it wasnt them.two days of intense paranoia that lead to a great dream which left me tingling all over.
i want to touch again
it was so good to feel skin on skin
hold me all over
6 more days to a year
light a candle and hold on tight
forgive me for my sins

to airport to airport...

pull the trigger and the nightmare stops..
song kept playing in mind.went to airport to study with my beloved cousins.lol.i was so amazed that i actually managed to complete a few chunks of physics.*so proud!
i think my msn is screwed.my cuz say it's giving out weird msgs.huh.now isnt this a good time to chuck my old mail add and make a new one?
i had my warped tour to keep me company.my fishtank was screwed.so sad.my cuz and i kept on kentuting.lol.so smelly.and i forced myself to go finish up the caramel thingy at *bucks.i think camels are stylo creatures.oh the humps.carameled camel.
-
wallflower.flower on the wall.oh screw u man.
i saw that one with the shocking hair and grey shirt.reminded me of city hall mrt station.what went wrong?i never really thought of it.it saddens but pple drift.but now.why now?i was paranoid when we went to the staff canteen.oh the jelly babies.red jelly beans.green beans.i like the new macs at T2.very er..nice?huh. seems to me i have to go on studying outside.its effective and my discman will be allowed maximum exposure instead of sitting at a corner collecting dust.let me be myself again.deja vu of the wrong sort.can things be as smooth sailing as it was?it feels like i'm treading on a minefield.one wrong move and bang.there goes my precious limb.my heart.
heart body mind and soul.i need a good book.
-
play me by my heart
lead me on like a puppet on strings
-
oh the goodness of it all.[enter]

subtle hints.this is for you,babe.

no,nothing comes to my mind.i am in no mood.i always seem to be in no mood.huh.i wish they would notice how i am feeling.as it is,everyone is stuck in their own wonder land.oh well,they can't really be blamed right?who am i to think that i am actually more important then well,that.stayed in class during recess.was bored but couldnt really complain.its amazing how one can hide their feeling.the facade.i wonder if nad did ohkay in her concert.huh.i need more money.at least i'll be going out to study sok.huh.airport here i come!oh how i crave for an ice blended.yummmmy.and oh.i saw my gorgeous guy last night.died and floated to heaven.
-
no more happiness,no more joy.practical was ohkay though goon me went to draw a straight line graph instead of a curve.out of all the things to fall for,i fell for you.i think i should write.huh.*bang-bang.i wish that they would just understand and see.talking to someone and actually hanging out with them are two different matters.how well do you know me?i sometimes feel like an idiot just standing there.being so close,shouldnt u be attuned to me and my emotions?i sometimes feel so disappointed.i wish i could have that back.those moments of laughter.where we used to meet up at my place and do stupid stuffs.just had one the other day and i realised how much i miss them.its good to know that things are ohkay.or are they really?i feel like an intruder peeking in between.read between the lines.do u finally get what i mean?today was just like any other day.i don't know.i guess i'll never know.oh well.not many chances for interactions.let them be together.three's a crowd.hurt me.
-

pull me away from the dazzling lights
help me stand up again
i owe u my gratitude
but now its time
to say goodbye again
-

no?i don't know.heh.seems like everyone got bitten by the study bug except for me.oops?heh.but still..i just can't sit down and study.die die man.
maybe i should go.soon.heh

went for the wedding.it was ohkay and it still surprises me knowing that she is now married.oh gosh.hmmph.i need a crash course in how to paint ure toenails.i can never paint it straight and properly.haha.selenger.*apple pie is tasty
skin going crazy.maybe its because i havent been taking care.oh no.oh well.hickory dickory dock.i wanna watch pooh!whee..lol

don't really feel like doing anything much.thank god there is no school tomorrow!

boo ya

i wrote a pretty angry post yesterday.don't know why it wont show.maybe cos blogger is screwed.or maybe it's just me.oh well,*screw you too
-
anyway,the gist of it was that i wasnt feeling too good about today due to the phy mocks[which turned out to be ohkay cos in the end pple were copying from one another or either copying from the text.haha] and the wisdom tooth thingy [of which i dint have to pull it out!at least until much much later.but it's gonna hurt like hell though]
-
my dad was lame though today.maybe cos it was due from the lack of sleep.and i keep seeing mini versions of pple today.pple with the sloping fringes and the JAW.yes.put the pictures together why dont you.secary.i can feel my hair curl.oh no.
-
but i think it is a lesson learnt to me that even though i think things are gonna end up bad,it usually exceeds my expectations and even surprises me.take today for example.oh i so love myself and my family.it was fun sitting around and laughing and poking fun at one another.specially my dad who always seems to be the butt of our jokes.haha.and mom is obsessed that i might fall for that guy.she was going on and on about tt and the 6th sense thingy.and i wish the pple would stop banking on the fact that that mia lady has a son.SO WHAT?huh.cock eye bull.i think i have to go soon.but not yet
-
i think i have made it my life mission to go blog hopping everywhere.and its so fun.u click here and u click there and *ta-da.haha.i so have nothing better to do.oh look..the results.
-
i dreamt me and debbie saved the world!haha.it was so sci-fic.but it was nice though.very,dreamy.hahaha.

fuck u too

i'm so against the world right now
gonna get my wisdom tooth pulled out
i hate phy
kang is going to scream at me big time
wish the feeling of dread would stop
fuck
why can't we not have mocks?
grrrr..
and i hate having only one bloody line at home
i hate you too

the wonders

there used to be a band with tt name right? 'uuu...doing that thing you do.breaking my heart into a million pieces'.hah.sounds familiar.
ohkay..today was funnn!yes it was!
-
met them at around three.went to eat lunch at swensens then went to take gambar.the wonders of technology.we actually looked good.hah.wanna post em up but when i scan the pics,its so miniscule.stupid me.don't even know how to use tech.haha. *pokes.
the concert was good.it motivated me to do well and to ensure that this time round,i would get my act together and to actually complete the course.yes.no more turning around.it was sad enough that i dropped it once.oh grrr..i have mocks tomorrow.dint even study.bloody ass.i feel like staying up for 'whose line issit anyway'.but i dont think i will.i think i shall read the book wq got me and cry.yes.cry and cry and cry.why is everyone so sad?huh
-
i had lotsa fun.i said that already right?huh.bite my toes and fingers.took so long to get a cab!but i think i can get to improve on small talk just by taking cabs.hah.and the building that the concert was held in was gorgeous.it's actually a learning centre for people who takes up french.it was all glassy building and it was so..phwoar.haha.k,not really,but it was nice.yes.nice.and wq and tiff could not stop drooling after a hunk that kept looking cos i think he kinda heard us.ooppss.stupid goon me shouted i dont wana die when we were about to cross the pedestrian crossing.haha.and we saw teo.his wife kind of jambu though.but he dressed like geek ah.we also saw yunita.she looks good.tiff kept seeing alot of pple.hah.lets talk in short sentences.i'm hungy.i got a stomach ache.i think i should go now.
-
wait.i had such an intense dream that i dreamt of telling someone about the dream.yes.and i seem to be dreaming of my classmates.i need to tell someone about it!hah.i actually wrote it down so that i would not forget it cos it was that good.it was one of those dreams.and yes,it was about you.oh god. (:

random thoughts

i am a glutton for punishment.that is what i am.sado machoism.i hate it.i do not want to feel this way.there are just too many thoughts to think about and the feeling that all is not well.i do not want to make a fool out of myself any longer and to resolve that i shall not say a word.hopes have ended into ashes.i find that i am the only one that is giving,trying to make the ship sail smoothly.i hate it i hate it i hate it but i also know where my loyalties lie.i know it is not with you.i treasure friendships and i treasure my time alone.no one can walk through unaided.hold my hand and hug me tight.sixteen years of age and nothing is really every completed,achieved.four years ago,i thought i'd never reached sixteen and ta-da.here i am.how come i do not look older,how come i do not feel a change,a sudden ka-ching that lets you know that yay,the time has come.birthdays are so over rated but i look forward to mine each year.i know i have been really bad at remembering birthdays but i thank those who remembered mine.its a wonderful feeling knowing that on ure day,someone actually thought of you.why would time not wait for no one.yuvan and jy was prepared to pay inconsiderable amounts of money just to turn back the hands of time and i found myself asking,would i? i'm tired of being potrayed as the silly little girl.i am tired of being insulted and degrated.i am tired of over analysing things and worry about small little matters that really do not require the effort to go through.i realised that i have not changed.as u meet others,u think,phwoar.but i think if u see me,u think,oh.yes.that's the difference.everyone wants to be in the limelight,the center of attraction and i am not going to stop till he says something.i am giving him two hours and tt's it.i hate sitting and wondering.my ass is glued to the chair and i have not prayed.why do i wait up for things like this?things that used to matter to me once and still do now.i fancied so many but there was only one.why?
i realised this is all incoherent thoughts.she said that they were acutally nice but how can anyone be nice if they can afford to lose 2 years of friendship just like that?i miss those carefree days of sitting by the pool.i need the beach,to feel the soft sand,the cold waves.i need to write and to put my thoughts in sequence.hold my hand.i need fun and laughter.to every side,there is a story.i wish time would just stop so i can take a breather for a while. i miss them actually.i miss my friends and i wonder why is it that some people are destined to walk their paths alone?i am so glad to have found my friends.the one who would, i hope,pick me up,put a smile on my face.but havent they proven their worth? so why am i still so insecure?i realised that small things can make me tick and i will go silent.i always thought that i had hoped they could read my mind and body language and i realised i was wrong.all those things that i have shared,laughed about,cried upon.u were with me through so many things.tell me something i know.make me feel secure again.isn't it obvious.eccentric people.i wish i had talent to spread my feelings into arts.but i cant draw,i cant sing and i cant dance.can i slowly drag up the past and continue where we left off before u abruptly left and i was hanging by a thin string?it took me so long to get over it.i need excitement.i am living my life through u.would something bad happen if things do not go as plan?a sucker for routines and time tables.i cannot conform.oh gosh.will banging ure head against the wall help? why do people cut themselves.i remembered once i did it and i actually felt proud.rubbish.haha.all those deep cuts and mutilated bodies.i think it takes a lot of courage to scar ureself.i have low treshold of pain and i can't stand the sight of blood unless it is my own.i do not like injections and going to doctors.i have not had a major operation but yet i fantasise about what it would feel like to have a terminal illness?u read so many stories about it that u get hooked onto it.those stories of miracles,for the ones that won and stories of grief,for the one the lost.to take ure own life.i'm pissed.its too early in the morning to be debating.

oohhh tummy hurts

*jumps around* yay!i am officially 16 for like 40 minutes?haha.k.i got a few stuffs.a huge dinner at bali thai at imm.we actually drove there.gosh,all the way to the west.the meal was like..oh god!so gooooddddddd.i ate till i couldnt eat no more.'push it push it summore'.(:
k,then i got a book, lollipop and a necklace and a shower thingy and err..dust from the fan courtesty of jia yuan and jeffery.and ben tried to make me smell his pants but i refused.haha.hmmm.
it was an ohkay day.no,it was fabulous.first up,he dint show up.that was good.i always thought something was going to happen but thank god,no.and then they remembered.and then i saw my yjc and i.t guy.which was a double good!yay.and p.e was so fun i spent half the time laughing out loud.don't know why today the girls were all so goon.half of them couldnt hit the ball.some ran when the ball was in the stands but the bat was off flying to the ground.mr tng was hopeless but soon redeemed himself.yay!i can't wait to start flooball.*hick*
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hickey hickey mo mickey.spose to go lunch with wq but had to cancelled out on her.i hate sleeping in a moving bus.my head aches.and i wished they would stop playing the trailer for the incredible tales.i have no guts.hmmm..ooohh..love this song!haha
and yay!i can get my shoesss..i can get my shooeeessss.. and i vant vy vellow vubber vuckie.haha.i wish someone was here so i could talk.a bundle of nervous energy.
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and i need good music.again.*yawn*
i can't wait for monday to be here.i wanna go out.i wish someone would tie me to a chair and force me to study.grrrr.they had a talk just now for all girls.something to do about woman's rights.wonder how it went.and in the cab just now,the guy ate me out of 6 bucks to get to pp and along the way we talked about bush and kerry.haha.and then it started to rain and then i had aunty anne's pretzels.i ate alot of junk,including a giant cookie which well,wasn't that good.oh so tired.i wish we could just connect and talk.won't it be great.the convo is stilted now.i never know what to say.oh no,the motor is starting.he's going to wake everyone up!shhh...my poor fishes.*swim fishes swim!*
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sleepers.very good movie.should try find the disc and watch it over and over and over again.

so this makes the two of us

i had a pretty bad start to what turned out to be a pretty good day. i was late meeting them at bedok interchange cos i had to dry my shorts which were otherwise residing in a bucket of water outside.full contact with the fan for two minutes plus ironing did nothing to dry it,but at least,it was bearable.which is why i was late. shu ting,don't box me k?haha.then i'll end up with a black eye plus huge ears.so i was shivering with the dampness of my shorts and i met them and had khad tell me the whole story while walking to the meeting area and we were not late k!haha.we were well,just in time.so.
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the walk started.it was ohkay cos through it all there were lotsa of stuffs to tell,specially the one on the talking cock movie which was needless to say,hillarious.like really,in front of ure face funny! i never really appreciated the beauty of bedok resv.till now i guess.i just remembered the time wq accompanied me there when i was going through a bad path last two years.this was where she told me she was my anchor and that phrase has stuck with me ever since.i also felt guilty cos i noe i have not really been there for her specially yesterday when she had a really bad day and i knew nothing about it till i read her blog.gosh.i love her alot.i really do!i hope she feels okay though.it sucks how mean people can be.they are really viscious especially if it comes to tearing people down into tiny shreds and then feeding on it.it's unbearable and it sometimes makes me wonder.mean spirits.spirited away.
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so,it hurts walking on gravel and it was pure pleasure once we were on a tarred road.the simple pleasures of life i tell you!so we hang around in class where some were contemplating if they should go back to the good old primary school.
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the concert was horrible and it was a bit disappointing cos we are the graduating classes and dont we deserve a good show?as it was there was only a lot of butt and bust movements in the form of tight red t-shirts and black pants and gaudy movements.most of the performances were too horrible to watch that wq had to go into hiding!haha.the only one that was good was the kompang thingy and that also made the 4/1 girls squirm!haha.we are a squeamish lot.i think i got the spelling wrong.heh.ohwell.
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i got sick though halfway so it was pretty uncomfortable.went home and slept and kak idah cancelled tuition.haha.i've been having the flu for so long now that it's becoming irritating.and i wanna go malaysia.it has been ages since i've been there and i'm practically begging my mom to go.grrrrr.i think eating two bananas is not good.haha.and my pokok pisang very the tinggi already!abit scary.
hmmmmph
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get lost in the stars,surf through the wind
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i havent had my candle light moments in ages.i miss basking in the glow of tiny pinpricks of light and u stare at the flickering flame.

ooooohhhhhhhhh

stomach feeling weird since i took those small black pills.haha.ergh.i hate swallowing stuffs.did i spell that right?gosh.
hmmm.spend the day out with the family.went out and ate loads and loads and then went to get house hold appliances.nothing really extra ordinary though madrasah was fun and there were lots of laughs going around.i saw a guy that was on the gunung ledang trip too and it brought back some weird memories.i couldnt help but stare at him.and i saw the most gorgeouse pair of high cuts and a brown shirt with flowing sleeves.and oh! i terate durian just now!bloody thingy dint put a sign that said it was durian eclairs.took a bite and almost vomitted the thing out.I HATE DURIAN.STUPID SHIT.haha.ewwwwwwwwwwwwww.
counting down the days to my b-dae!ahaha.and yes!mom's gonna get me tt charm bracelet!yaaaaaaaayyyyy.
now i have to ask for something else form wq.haha.and yes,i'm counting down to that too.i hope this is gonna be a good week.
*crosses fingers,eyes,toes and ears.
and now i'm off to go test drive the new iron.aha.kitchen maid.
and i saw an unbelievable harry potter book that had gold pages and cost 89 bucks.swwooonnn.

ooooohhhhhhhhh

stomach feeling weird since i took those small black pills.haha.ergh.i hate swallowing stuffs.did i spell that right?gosh.
hmmm.spend the day out with the family.went out and ate loads and loads and then went to get house hold appliances.nothing really extra ordinary though madrasah was fun and there were lots of laughs going around.i saw a guy that was on the gunung ledang trip too and it brought back some weird memories.i couldnt help but stare at him.and i saw the most gorgeouse pair of high cuts and a brown shirt with flowing sleeves.and oh! i terate durian just now!bloody thingy dint put a sign that said it was durian eclairs.took a bite and almost vomitted the thing out.I HATE DURIAN.STUPID SHIT.haha.ewwwwwwwwwwwwww.
counting down the days to my b-dae!ahaha.and yes!mom's gonna get me tt charm bracelet!yaaaaaaaayyyyy.
now i have to ask for something else form wq.haha.and yes,i'm counting down to that too.i hope this is gonna be a good week.
*crosses fingers,eyes,toes and ears.
and now i'm off to go test drive the new iron.aha.kitchen maid.
and i saw an unbelievable harry potter book that had gold pages and cost 89 bucks.swwooonnn.

i want

i want
to feel the wind caress my cheek
to feel the warmth spread through my soul
to feel the darkness, envelope me whole
to feel the light shining through me
*
to touch the smile on a happy face
to wipe the frown,to capture the tears
to hear the trees speak in the breeze
to catch a star,i'll safely keep
*
to fly to the moon.floating in the sky
to dance on the milky way,with friends by my side
to talk to animals,to spread my wings
to run through beaches,gliding on seas
*
to walk on water,to float on clouds
to achieve my aspirations
to banish my doubts
to feel pure joy happiness and pain,
to turn back time to have you back again
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be my pill,my drug,my music.

duck

the house was like a warhouse.everyone was screaming at one another.hah.bro's room had a makeover though.now it looked like how my room looked liked before.and my room looked like how his looked like before.
went over to hougang to my aunty's place to look at her baby.gosh.he.is.adorable.those cheeks.awwwwwwww.mmmmm.and my cousin has this really beautiful curly hair.mine got killed when my mom sent me to a barber when i was 3!yes.a barber.hah.so now i have static hair to live with for the rest.of.my.life.haha.
i told kak idah bout my decision.she wasn't too happy about it but she kept quiet anyway.i feel kind of guilty but sod it.its empowering to know that u have at least done something productive for the day!yayness.i still want to go catch the firworks.is the fireworks festival still on?hmmm.
haha.this is funny.i got a paper bouqet from ntuc income.apparently they always give out what they call an 'innovative' bouqet of flowers when really all that it is is a piece of paper with flowers printed on them.haha.but i got great discount coupons though.cheapo.lol.i never think when i say something.that gets me into trouble.hmm.vacuuming stinks.
went to pp that day with collin and jy.i spent a bomb on the biscuits at m&s.wonder if mom's gonna pay me back.i still am short of money.i always am.grrr.had ice cream though i had the bloody asthma.i wish it would just go away!hmmph.and i got spirit of the moonflower for mom.its her b-dae tomorrow and mine is coming soon!haha.lin was determined to have my face superimposed on a cake and for me to keep the cake forever and ever and ever.haha.i need good music.today's the blasted gig!nnnoooo.haha.hoped they had fun.they always do.and i still want that book.the five people u meet in heaven.moonflower flowermoon.how come its not flower of the moon? hahah.
*boo

mamma mia!

do u know that a civet cat has well,a smell?as in they actually scrubbed the cat 80 times and then extracted their smell.yes,that's what we did when we went to the perfume factory.it was so far away and for the rest of the journey back,i was bouncing on the seats and playing a singing game.haha.what a way to spend a day.but it was fun fun fun and i love the smell of vanilla!it's well,*dreamy
ms tan dint come today so there was no test but it was pure torture to complete the jun 2004 paper.i did it for so long and well.dot-dot-dot.yes.complete the dots and colour in the picture.
i wrote something today,but it sucked.i realised it has been ages since i have written something.and i can't do happy stories.ms kang is a -tooot-.she bloody well singled out me and may to hand in our homework like the guys while the girls could do it the usual way.hah.no one really likes her afterall.bloody shit man.cacat bin babat.
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that day they had the teacher's day audition.it was ohkay i guessed but nasir's band dint get in.which was sad cos the band that did was pretty much well,up urs.yes.there was no co-ordination though mee pok man singing was good.haha.mee pok pok mee mee mee meee.
i had chicken chop today and owe money.i am so broke.and i went ahead to buy the ticks without asking dad.ooopps.(x
and i saw the it guy i saw the it guy.yay! but mr yjc is still a no show in the bus.why?why?why?.crap bag.
tuition was ohkay.she gave us the invitation card and it was so nniiiccceee.yes.and apparently,we are the only school having prom at the bloody school hall.my cuz is having it at hyatt.nnnnooooooo.freak ass of a show.
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kuda kepang scares me.i wish i had someone with extensive knowledge to tell me more about it.the only one right now is cikgu and let's just say..more dots.apparently mrs lee eats rice with a chopstick while she uses a plate.stylo milo ovaltine.and i hate the after taste of guava.specially with the asam masam.garam.ick eeww puke.
hmmm.yesterday's weather was wonderful.all rainy and cold.perfect to kill time huddling in comforters and reading a good book that tugs on ure heartstrings.
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i see gummy bears dancing on the street.i see gummy bears dancing on the street.wonder who'll get out for spore idol.the thing is so blase nowadays though.i want my oc back!crap bag.

oh boy.

yes,oh boy.deep shit.yes.not aiming high,but my hopes are pinned on you.yes.what was it that arafah said? something something stars?hah.gotta call her.and yes,i am definitely going to ignore physics.i do not need it anyway.so why bother?yes! i rock.and i have yellow crystals.ooohh..so love chem practical.conc=mole/vol.yay!ahah.lamer
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mmm..chem mock tomorrow.not going to study,what can i do?cram like the whole textbook in what,two hours?i took two hours to study organic chem.dad's been forcing me to go to the doctor.but i have no time! eeeekkkk...i wanna my chheesseee ffrrriiieeesssss.
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i'm counting down.one more week to go!and then i can go spend the whole day with wq and tiffany.yay!i wanna go take pictures and smile and laugh and talk and laugh.it better be good.(:
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and i want it to start and end with a big bang! *BANG*
and oh,this morning,there was this guy that breathed down my neck! gosh.it gave me bloody goosebumbs and i was so concious for the rest of the journey.thank god my stop was only like a stop away.phew.
and...this is utter crap.we are spose to be spending teachers day walking down bedok reserv.yes.asses.big huge white asses.
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i can't believe i told wq i fancied him.realised how stupid and dumb that was.god,what was i thinking?haha.at least it was better than that one which wore a bright orange thingamagick on a hot day in bedok interchange.i have no taste.yes.but still,that guy in love actually,that is utter HOTNESS.*psssssss
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stupid phy practical.cant' do it at all.grrrrrrrr
why is it taking ages for the photo to loaddddd??
*toodles

imma hungry

crap.i do not look good in purple.serious eeeewwwww.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WAN QI.tt's like the third time imma wishing her.ahaha.
mmmm
today had to go to abg harry nyer sanding.it was nice lah.then we headed to simei,where the girl side buat her thing.i saw a huge bunch of bg guys doing the kompang thingy?and also miss suraya.i kinda stared at her and smiled but she dint recognise me.haha.and there was also this really cute dancer though.on the way from jurong to simei,the guys were like singing lagu yang sesungguhnya cukup jiwang.naik bulu roma ku.eh no,scratch that,actually,i had a nice time laughing.haha.yes.and then i heard x-factor!which leads my thoughts to well,danny and his gorgeous smile.*swoon
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seeing my couzin get married was like a weird feeling.i mean,look at him now,so big and strong and well,married.crap,the washing machine is bonkers.*boink.
it all really boils down to the matter of time and the future.i always thought that things would seem to be as it is.but i'm wrong.every thing is changing.i do not want to grow up.is that a bad thing?maybe being peter pan would not seem to be like a bad idea.fantasy stories just get to ure head.
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and then i was wondering how my cousin would be like as a dad.tt's freaky.hmmmm.but i so want a child.specially when i saw those adorable baby clothes.but the prospect of well,doing IT scares me.weird right?but yeah,who wouldn't want to have someone to hold on to?soulmates.yes.to love.such a scary emotion.who really defines what love is though?bugging me over and over again.do u feel wrapped up in a cocoon?but on the other hand,love is especially fragile and often used in vain.i thought i was,when i was with him but now i realised,no.me,who had promised myself never to say that till i meant it said it in futile.two weeks.tt was how long it lasted.i guessed i was grateful for the intervention.but oh,how we long.there was an article in today's sunday times about never been kissed.i do not want to grow old without having kids.i want my baby adam and sophia and kaiser and emilda.and yes,i do have his name written on my shoe.in numbers.*hint-hint*lol
so not making sense.
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and oohhh...i just saw the perfect walk on a guy.it was a swagger.i love that walk.*smiles
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oh yes,i found it.i lost it.i gained it back.and now i'm never letting it go.
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dammit.haha. (:

just when u thought the heart was breaking,it went ahead and mended itself
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i swear i thought i saw someone like him.i was in the van and there was this bunch hanging out near the mango shop pat city hall.my heart skipped a beat and my mind was racing.'was it really him?'
crap,it aint.but it did look alot like mr yjc.the hair and everything.
I HAVE NO LIFE.damn..
do i always have to feel so small?
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today went to my cuz nyer nikah.i missed the ceremony but i hanged out at the void deck.it still amazes me how fast time passes.it's weird.i want it to stop.will bribery work?
mmmmm
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i still wanna kill my cuz though.havent been seeing much of her.i so want to go see the fireworks.its killing me!gah
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oh yeah!gosh.i had phy mock.i hatephysicsihatephysicsihatephysics.eeeeeeeee.stupid! as usual,i dint noe how to calculate resistance and potential diff.and i dint noe how to calculate acceleration.i feel like flunking my phy.do i need phy if i wanna go to the art stream?oh no.and as usual,as i did the last chapter in the freaking phy tb,i forgot how to calculate HALF LIFE.yes.and i was worried about faraday's law.sheesh.strangle me with a piece of wire,why dont u?
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oh no,dad's home.eh,no.so many motorbikes.
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mmm...ooohh..dianne's gonna be my freind for the next 6 years!hurrah!haha.and i will be her first subject to study on when she takes a course to be an anthropologist.there are just so many jobs out there.i still wanna be a journalist though,but i dont mind deejaying.specially after the power 98 crew came to the school.hmm. music=life,or issit?
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mom's talking to me again.sometimes i just wished she would understand that i need to stay home and well,study.instead of hanging round under the void deck.which reminds me,can i go to the substation gig on the 28? oh pleasseeee...*crosses finger*
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i had a bad day on friday though.we had physics mock practical and i panicked cos i had piano classes.we finished late and i took a cab down to parkway parade only to realise that i totally MISSED THE LESSON.i felt so bad tt i cried cos on top of that,mom was mad at me too on that day.then i went to mph to get wq the cd.i wanted to do some therupatic(?) shopping too but i decided against it.i think my bank account won't be able to handle it.can i ask for an increase in allowance?i want more money! i hate my hair.no,scratch that,i just wished tt it would be well..a little less frizzy.hah.
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went to lj too to have lunch with my bestie!hah.she still refuses to say i love u,rather she settles on i eart you.hah.i was reading this book,called the insiders and it shocked me cos i couldn't identify with the reader even though he too,was 16.is that saying something about my life?hah.i need some excitement.*i so want to try the bungee thingy and definitely the sky diving.i can't wait.
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fahmi said i looked like kamal.BLOODY HUGE INSULT! grrrr
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why wont my cough just disappear?i keep waking up halfway thru my sleep,interrupting really good dreams to blow my nose and take the puff.[as in the blue colour tube.and wq,i can't be addicted to it,right?].it's killing me! bang,shoot me.
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i wanna learn and do so many things.we celebrated wq b-dae on fri.yiyun bought her this cake and we sang her a b-dae song all at the time of 7 o'clock in the morning.hah.i love her!yay.

oh.gosh.

i have well,fringes.like really bad fringes and the best part is?arafah has them too!ahhhh....*yayness* i <3 her.lol.yes.i do!
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tomorrow is career day.they still dont have anything on journalism.hmmm..but at least i'm attending the bk talk!whee..yes,and i got credit for the eng thingamagick!and so did wanqi and we went abit berserk in the street.i told her about,well,that.yeah.and she was like "huh?" ahaha.oh well.i <3 her too!i <3 everybody.party pooper my ass.haha.(:
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went over to my grandma's place.its been ages since i've been there and she looked so happy when i came.heh.yeah,the relatives from indon came down today.looking at them just brought back memories of my time there.they were so nice!yes,though i was homesick,they made it all ok!my cuz is gonna get engaged like on sat,i was like phwoar,cos i thought it was going to be held in like what,september? heh.and shu ting was sad cos she dint get to see her mister macdonald.lol.
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*i finally got my goreng pisang!and i hope my hair grows quick2!

i am pissed

yes,very much cos right now,i am spose to be getting ready to go out.but no,someone just had to cancelled out on me and as a result,there are two of us right now sitting infront of the monitor insted of spending time together.and to add to it all,my mom is pissed at me too.what a nice day.
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thank god it rained.i guessed that the doa we learnt untk mintak hujan really paid off!haha.i guess madrasah just now was ohkay.it was pretty amazing though to feel the way i felt when the whole class was reading the quran.and it made me realise how miniscule i am.i guess it is really good for me to attend these classes as it made me realise how ignorant i have been.honestly,i've always had problems.i always wondered how pple could pray so earnestly.i remembered that time when i used to go thru a period of lying that i have prayed.gosh.and there was this really bad time where i forgot my fatihah!and no matter how i say i will change,i'll repent,i still find myself going thru the bad habits.no,now i dont lie,but yet,i still find that i am not complete.i have forgotten about HIM at times,but yet,at the end of the day,i am secure in the knowledge that i am in the right religon.but come to think of it,how do you know that islam is the right one.i mean,the buddhist would say that yes,they are right and we are wrong and so would the christians,the jews.but mom answered it simply by saying that kiter percayer adernyer tu rukun iman dan islam.it is amazing,believing in god,a higher power.and i feel so guilty.and by the end of the lesson,i would be eager to change,but for how long?
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he who is great,who has the power.we are all here to be tested. there was something really amazing though that my teach said.it was like there was this chinese man that had attended those classes for those that had converted into islam and apparently,he burst into tears and blamed us for not reaching out sooner.isn't it ironic?and are we really at fault?the decline of islam is seen all over the world and yet we are doing nothing about it.it saddens me but yet,i am reluctant to do anything about it.its weird but that is how i have always felt at the end of each week.oh well.i guess nothing can really be said to express the anxiety.i dont want to die before repenting.thus,i shall start now.but i don't think i can last.
help?
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now,i'm not pissed.just confused.cos i want one thing and yet,i'm reaching for the other.

and i wonder

went out with them to get ib's b-dae gift.so now i am officially in charge to decorate the bag. *i had no idea she liked yellow!*
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and we saw ismadi.[sha thought it was asmadi (:]yes.dint know he worked at bk.oh god
another bet with ram.nothing better to do seh.i so can't wait to not attend my malay lessons and to not touch a single malay thing ever.hah.
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oh well,today marks a brand new day.as in,a brand new govt.i wonder how the future would be like.sometimes,i just wished i had a crystal ball by which i can see into the future.at least,u would be prepared to face the future.but then,'semuanyer di tangan tuhan'.oh well
i find that i am actually tempted to get my palm read or my fortune told.is that really so bad?i always loved checking out my horoscope.though it doesnt really come true!haha. i saw so many things that i wanted to buy today.i hoped sha can get me those cds.i feel like going on a cd spree.haha.so long never go shopping.and then there was this guy on the bus who was pretty cute,but the bag that he wore totally killed it.i mean,it was a bag with teddy prints on it! my god.how lame can you get?ahaha.i guess,to each his own.
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i still feel pleased with my mt results.hah.and cikgu was like 'a2 itu sepatutnya sama dengan b3'.my ass.i seriously think that his only goal in life is to bring the students of bg down.he and everyone else.gosh.are we really that bad? i guess this happens when u get into a new school.so weird.i met shu ting and wl at parkway.somehow,i always thought that they were pretty cold.ntah lah eh.but oh well.i guess she was with her so it was pretty awkward.
-
issit so wrong to let your thought fly away so far?why distinguish your childhood.i wished i had a more outgoing childhood.heh.jy said i was boring.gosh.that wounded me!lol.but yeah,i also do think i am.hmmm..but well.to each his own.she was asking us just now why we dint like hip-hop.haha.i really did not have a clear cut answer for that.bottom line is that, I DONT.but i did see a cute hip-hopper though.hip-hop=bus stop= rather not think about it.
-
i want to kill my couz for giving that mail add to a person with which i do not wish to interact with.*sorry.but it just creeps me out!i have this urge to tell mr pjc about my result,but of course,he aint in.i wondered if my cuz had been talking to kher.he is kinda cute.and what a name!haha
-
*i hate walking down all alone through that dark alley.i wished they added more light.i wished i didnt have to go to school so early.wishy pish-posh

yayness!

wheeee...i got a 2!yup!ahaha..*phew
and my aunt was like,are u sure?or did u copy?haha.so much for believing in me.i'm glad i got the results.at least i've cleared one hurdle.and plus,its an ego booster.heh
-
just now was my el oral.eh,it was pretty good! haha.and natasha was like eh 'nad and nat'.haha.cos we had to sit together for the pre reading thingy.there was a punker too.wheee...i <3 his hair.very nice.at least collin looked less like an ah beng with his specs on.we killed time by making poems up.haha.fun ah.considering the fact tt we were under well,quite stressfull conditions.i had horrible cramps though.was groaning and moaning about it.then during the 1hr break,me kx deb collin yuvan and widji were hanging out together and we were well,talking about menses.there were some really funny jokes specially when collin went,'eh,the eggs got shell not?' and kx actions on how to get the egg to come out of the fallopian tube.(: i laughed so loud that cikgu and mrs wadhwani turned and stared!hahah.but i cldnt be bothered.ib's b-dae is tomorrow and she received the best gift ever! :P and the weird part was when tt happened.*gosh
never thought they'd be interested to know.weird.ohwells.
i just knew that the menstrual pills was a really nice pink colour.haha.so outdated
*toodles

adam

I sat and stared at the fading sun,thepinkish red glow painting the darkening sky.the golden ball of flame sanked down into the horizon pulling along with it all the happiness and cheer.The wind it blew,strong and biting.but i felt nothing.the numbness was overwhelmin,suffocating,stuffling.

i had sat and seen my best friend suffer.i felt so helpless,unable to do anything.all i could do was to talk to him,sing to him and hopethat my words and songs might travel through the dark tunnel and reach him,to awaken him,to help him find his way back.But what are words and songs if it could not bring him back? what are words and songs but empty promises that do not deliver.octors said that he was in critical condition and there was no determining if or how fast he would be able to recover.if he does not,then me and his family would have to bear the crippling burden of grief and sorrow.

me and adam went way back.Aam was the first friend i made.he was a born comedianne.he could always find the right words to say to lift me up,to encourage me,to console me.but he was mean too.he pulled my pigtails,destroyed my sandcastles and interrogated my first date.he was there when i solemnly buried my pet fish and immediately bought me another one-it was his fault that the fish died.

and he was there when i broke my arm-he pushed me down a tree.

i,on the other hand,was adams pillar.he leaned on me when he was down.he aint tt strong,my adam.i could remember countless times where he would flash our secret code and i would come and meet him by the dock where i would listen to him talk.sometimes,we had the most intellectual and thought provoking conversations,sometimes,we talk about the latest girl or guy that we had dated and sometimes,no words had to be spoken.we would just sit and bask in the night glory and each other's presence.

now in our 18 year of friendship,adam and i had gone through so much.i remembered the time when we had our first big blow out. i was in his dorm room at college when i spotted the bag containing those offensive pills.i was gripped with shock and i could not believe that i had actually found this offensive bag of pills in adam's room. when he appeared,i could not help but scream at him.

"what's this?"

"oh shit"

"what do u mean oh shit adam? what are these? what is wrong with you? is this why u have been asking me for money? to support your addiction? how could u adam?"

i remembered that i could not control the rage i felt.i felt like hitting someone.i just stalked out of the room and took a walk.subconsciously,i found myself at my favourite spot.

i found the spot during my first year in college.its just a bench facing a pond and not many people know about it.it was here that i found tranquility when i had just had a hectic day. and it was here that i found a familiar figure waiting for me.

"i'm so sorry soph..they..those pills..they are not mine..they.."

"don't even think of lying adam.why?why the pills?how did u get them?"

"i was at a party..and someone shoved it into my palm..and the next thing i knew.."

i just stood and stared at him.

"are u going to go get help?"

"no soph!i'm not addicted or anything.."

"not addicted?are you nuts? do you know what these things do to you? do u not remember those talks that we had in high school? those gory pictures?the pact that we made? a pact adam! a pact! how could u have forgotten?"

"soph..i dont know what has come over me.the college life..the guys..the girls...its so different.here,i feel as though i cant make a decision without having a dozen different guys sharing their blasted opinions with me.when i took the drugs,i felt freer,lighter,and i would be enveloped in this foggy haze..its incredible..but..i know...soph..i'm so sorry.."

"it's ohkay adam..just..just throw the pills away k? u should have come to talk to me.i'm so sorry that i havent been seeing much of u lately..what with all those guys standing in line to date me."

he laughed and to my great relief,threw the bag of pills into the pond.

that scary episode only served to make me and adam closer.we always made a point to meet up and chat.one day,he wanted to go back to meet his parents.he invited me along but i declined.i had a huge pile of work to do and i though i had better make a dent in it.

the day that adam was due to go,i woke up with a strange feeling.he left early in the morning and i did not have a chance to say goodbye.it would be a 10 hour drive and he wanted to get home before dark.all day long,i could not concentrate.i kept thinking of adam and how he might be in danger.i tried calling his cellphone but to no avail.i tried his parents house and no one picked up too.

"c'mon soph,get a grip,he's ohkay.now get your ass to your study table and start cracking."

no sooner had i sat on the chair for two minutes when the phone rang again.

"adam?"

"no sophia..its me..Kate

" what's wrong?is adam ohkay?"

"no sophia,actually..he got into a car accident.he's in critical condition now"

oh god..i knew something was going to happen.

"ohkay..i'm coming."

i drove like a mad woman to the hospital.it's amazing that i was not involved in an accident and ended up on the bed next to adam.oh god..let him be okay.

i..i never really liked hospitals.that sickly green painted walls and the sight of death and decay alwas made my stomach queasy.and that slightly medicated smell.The nurses look harassed and the doctors look as thought they are surviving on two hours of sleep and countless cups of coffee.

when i reaced the icu,gasped.i never knew that adam,my big,strong,handsome,youthful adam could be reduced to a limp rag doll.his head and most of his body was covered in bandages.countless machines were hooked onto him to ensure his survival.it was so depressing.

Doctors said that he was in a deep coma and chances of him ever recovering was slim.i spent countless hours sitting by him.singing,talking,stroking,praying,but he never responded.his mom took his accident the worse.she could not bear to come and see him as each time,she would only break down and cry.friends came by with cards and balloons.families came by offering warmth,hugs and comfort.

reports from doctors only said that adam was neither here nor there.then one day,the inevitable happened.

the doctors called us into his office.

"mr and mrs summers,your son adam,he is practically a vegetable.the accident hit him at critical areas and recent test has shown that he is brain dead.right now,what is keeping him alive are those machines.his life,is in your hands.if u choose to keep him on those machines,and if he happens to recover,which are probably slim,he would be heavily dependable on you for the rest of his life.if you wish to end his pain,i was hoping that u might allow us to take his organs and use it in part of our organ transplant programme."

i spoke up then,

"if u do wish to stop his treatment,i just wanted to let u know that me and adam,we had already signed up for this programme.u remember dont u? adam said that he wanted to leave a bit of him behind if he went? his form should be in his room."

the decision was made then.that night,we called everyone down to say goodbye to adam. the priest came to perform the last rites and when it all ended,not a dry eye was in sight.the funeral was to be held tomorrow at the family church.

that was two days ago.now,i sat on the bench,overlooking the beach.on one of our many nightly talks,adam and i had discussed how we wanted our funeral to be .i had laughed at the idea but adam was dead serious about it.and i'm glad he was.it seemed right to give him the funeral he wanted.adam chose to be cremated. he had joked that if he were to give his organs to someone else,he will not be whole and would therefore prefer to be cremated.

everyone was subduded at the funeral.i gave my eulogy through pictures rather than words.it was an old video scrap book that i had made for adam for his 16th birthday.there,it captured the essence of adam and our friendship.

As his last wish,adam wanted his ashes to be thrown into the sea.he was always a water guy and was at ease most in the water.he was the one who taught me how to swim and scuba dive.i really do miss adam.The night before,i cried so much that it hurts.i kept recalling all those moments that we had shared together.adam was essentially me.he kept me together.how was i going to survive without him? how would the family survive?he had always been the constant light in my darkening world.he was always there.now,he's gone and the light of my life had been snubbed out.i felt so utterly lost and i could not convey the deep emotions runnin through me.

i stood and carried his urn.his parent had left the job to me as they were not able to handle it.they drove me here and then waited in the car.as i threw the ashes in the sea,i could not help but feel as though a part of me had been torn apart and ripped into pieces.i felt as though i could not ever be whole again.How could i? when my twin brother had just left me all alone to face the ugly wicked world.

bamboo street

a friendship is beautiful when it is new.this is the stage where u start to learn everything about the other.u joke,u laugh,u share.but as time progresses,u share less,joke less,laugh less.there's this void in which u cant fill up or bridge over.its sad cos i thought it could last.its sad cos i thought u'd be there.but it aint.everything's getting too awkward know.no one knows what to say and there seem to be no more subject on which we can talk about.thank god for the time u were there.
-
today was infinitely a-ohkay!thought it was going to be a bad day but it turned out to be fine.copied through my a-maths homework,lied my way through geography test and then sit and sembang during mother tongue period.dint do the debate cos cikgu was abit reluctant too also.sit and talked about whether we would retake the mt o-levels.i think i would if i don't get my 1.cos if i don't and if i don't retake,the question 'what if..' would be bugging me for the rest of the year.then went for lunch with arafah and sharifah.went to bk at first but ended up at long john.sharifah told this really disgusting joke which had to do with a soldier,his shit and one piece of toliet paper.she told the joke complete with actions some more.betulnyer semangat ah babe! (:
-
tomorrow is my eng o-level.not really worried about it though.heh.met thad on the bus and he said tt the examiners were ohkay.so i'm crossing my fingers and hoping for the best! (x
it's really gonna be scary though to get results tomorrow.dear god,i hope i'd did ok.just now took 28.the bus driver nearly injured a dear old girl! i don't know how he could have not noticed that pple were still alighting from the bus!he just drove off like tt and the poor girl screamed.thank god no one was injured.if there was,there would be some serious drama-mama going on.
yuvan loaned me a garfield book.if he'd showed it to bryna,i'd bet she'd love him forever! lol. :p
*toodles

big bang

i have so many things to say.these past few days,thoughts just keep on filtering in and i just have to go,i have to write this down.so bear with me.
-
i'm dead meat today.i think i am swamped with work but i am not making an effort in trying to finish it up.which is bad in a way i guess.i mean i have the a-maths paper to finish,not to mention the maths test geog test chem test and of course the release of results.i managed to forget it until i read it somewhere while i was blog hopping.pish posh.i'm scared.
-
yesterday was ndp.i so wanted to see the fireworks.but no,i just saw it on tv!sheesh.i like seeing the fireworks cos it kind of reminds me of the besuty of life.it just fills u up with a sense of hope like ure in awe when u see those coloured sparks of life lighting up the dark sky.it's wonderful.i remembered spending last year ndp with astri.it was fun.we just hanged out outside the stadium and ate junk while waiting for the fireworks to start.but the crowd of pple.sheesh.
well,staying at home wasn't a bad thing.watched singapore idol.it was pretty entertaining.heh.the guy that sang careless whisper..so weird.haha.never knew that singaporeans could be so thick skinned.hahaha.i liked the name alistair though.hmmm
then i watched neon.in which i saw DANNY.haha.i'm obsessed over him.so lame.but what to do.i need someone interesting in my life.hmmm,what else.that night,i went to bed full of dread.
-
today,i tagged along with my bro and his teacher to go watch the village.i can't believed i spent my day hanging out with two 11 year olds,one 14 year old and one lady who might just be slightly younger than my mom.hah.and she used to be my teacher.howells.the movie was a-ohkay.i mean the suspense and all that is there but the ending is a bit well,disappointing.hmmm..but it was good! i had ice cream in the end.hahah.it was caramel cone explosion.really good ice cream.yayness.
-
i'm gonna be really grateful to my bro's teacher though.she has made a decision to try to change my bro attitude.i'm grateful because she is willing to try.if i were her,i would have given up on my brother long ago but she is still willing to help.she said it's because he reminds her of herself.well.to each his own i guess.i really hope my bro would be able to change.it would be pleasent to talk to him for once without fighting.(:
-
what else..mm..i enjoyed sitting down for dinner with my family.its so nice.ahahaha.but alot of bad things has been going on recently though.specially with my cousins.its amazing how u really find out the true colours of a person when u start working with them.its a bit scary and sad to know that bit by bit my cousins are all falling apart.what surface now makes the past seem like a facade.i'm afraid of the future and what it would bring to me.and i'm afraid of the past.and i'm afraid of death.i just realised that i am afraid of many things.things are always changing.some good,some bad.makes u wonder if u really have the strength to see it through.
-
there was an article in the paper that day on the ladybird peter and jane books.i used to remember i had a huge collection of em.the words were so simple and the pictures.and also my enid blyton collection.i also remembered how once,i wanted the whole series of mr men and little miss.*sigh
the past.it seems so far away when all ure day was filled with sunshine and smiles.i remembered my dad bought me the this book.it was abit difficult to understand and i think he threw it away.now,i wish he didn't.i think it was on the chronicles of naina (?).and how my mom bought me this roald dahl collection only to be again,thrown out.haha.he threw away so many of my books.it's so sad.ohwells.
-
its almost maghrib.i havent been taking care of myself recently.have been coughing and coughing.my throat feels so sore.oh no.tomorrow bahas.die.

seri dewi malam

mmm..let's try to make this into a short one.no,scratch tt.i can't do short.i do long.*two minutes in front and two minutes behind*
-
well,let's see,today was well,fun fun fun! (:
yup.we had ndp celebration which was superb.or may be it was the company i was with.hah.everyone sitting behind was like laughing and shouting and bobbing around and also shouting, 'anti-avrail' cos of a certain girl who dressed like avrail but was dancing to a hip-hop song.hah.sucker.
but the striped socks were nice though.ooops,i missed the movie i so wanted watch.who knew demi moore could looks so good?oh well.
let's see
mmm...
first up we had the thingy at the parade square,where everyone was required to stand and sing.then it was up to the hall where we sang songs and enjoyed the concert.the d&d modern dance was nice.i like those white costumes and different coloured sashes.it was very elegant!yummy.then it was the M1 gang.ahahaha.bunch of gays.we were groaning in despair in their weak attmepts in dance moves.hahaha.i remembered seeing em practicing during chem lessons.it was hillarious.hah.and everyone was decked out in a red shirt or their traditional costumes.wq and may looked great in their cheongsams.yup,basically it was laugh here laugh there.sing here sing there.shout here shout there.hah.nniiicceeeee! <3
-
i met nazimah to go and get the vcd.we ate lunch at banquet and she said the sweetest thing! (:
and we had dessert tooo.it was very fullling.and we saw a bag that cost 29.90.we could have gotten it at bugis village for much much much cheaper!and then and then and then!hahah
-
we were walking towards the sakura restraunt where they have some of the cutest waiters.hah.so i was walking when i happened to see the guy that i fancied sitting inside the restraunt with his friends.so i was like "itu dia,itu dia" when he turned round as though he heard me!hahah.it was so funny and embarrassing.but heck.eh,come to think of it,he ain't that cute.but the food is nice though.nazimah said that he turned maybe cos he heard me saying that line and i was like'wwhhhaattt?'but he smiled though.lol.(:
-
ahhhhh..i finally got to watch the vcd.it's really beautiful but its abit like 'ghost'.i think if i were to like really sit down and watch it,i'll tear more.as it was,i was doing the ironing and the vcd was playing havoc.sheesh.but its so nice nice nice.but danny looked liked a typical malaysian mat.but it was so sweet.so nice.it had the kind of feel like 'simply irrisistable' had.i so heart tt show.really showed you what love is really about.
-
me and my bro are so not on speaking terms.somtimes i hate him so much.i think i screamed too loudly at him today and the neighbours heard.heck.never before had i cursed him till like now.i really should stop.but he just angers me so much that i feel like strangling him.its so infuriating!hah.
going for a picnic tomorrow.and then it's off to watch the village
yayness!
-
love is all around me and so the feeling goes.
have i mentioned how cute the front man of 'the rooneys' is?well.HE IS!all that gorgeous silky hair.and i'm reading a nice book too!haha.simon and the great oaks.it's interesting.very wonderfully descripted.
*toodles

feet together knees straight!

ahaha..had health check today.the nurse was so kiasu.why u so slow? ahaha..nothing better to do.i thought she was a nice sweet lady.but apparently NOT! (:
and up yours too man
blergh.
i dunno how someone can diss their friends so publicly.don't they have a guilty conscience?heh.sccaaarrrrryyyyy.howells.i have no guts.
even though i am dispeleased about something,i'll keep it to myself.or at least complain to arafah.hah.she keeps calling herself r.fah.ahaha.hip-hopper?ick.i'll kill her.but she aint.*phew.
wq was so cute..she went,nad,if u dye ure hair or turn punk,i'll faint.ahaha.well dearie,who knows? (:
-
i wonder why __ and i are not so close anymore.and no,i'm not talking about the above pple there.its so weird.but right now,i feel that i just can't click.maybe its me and me being too sensitive.but somehow,some of her words,just kinda makes me feel weird.she makes me feel that i am beneath her.but i'm not.i dont feel inferior,but somehow,it feels as though i am competing with her.wonder if she feels it too.but no.some pple are just too lost in their selfs.weird.
but still,sometimes i try to make an effort to talk,to understand,to get things the way it was before.but it's just too damn hard.like,eerrggghhh.i really don't know how to say it.i just feel so uncomfortable.things arent the way it was anymore.hah.pish-posh
-
please just dont play with me
my paper heart will bleed
-
yeah,but why?i wish i could talk to her.but i think she'll just get all defensive and instead of making things better,it'll only get worst.i'm in no mood to lose my friends right now.i wonder what i'll do..
*ponders
-
ah!must wear red t-shirt tomorrow.oh no h2o.ahaha.i heart chem.specially practical.its so fun!whhheeeeeeeee
oooohhh..astri's birthday is tommoorrroowwwww...!
mine is in one month's time!heh

*koff-koff*

gah.tuition soon.still havent done p and c.nvm.i dont understand it anyway.nanananna.i still can't find info on the bahas stuffs! die lah.i was never good at research anyway.nanan.so sad.
-
imagine living with the guilt of knowing that u had ended someone's life. ):

bah

taking advantage for awhile.i think its getting to me,this bloggin thingy.found another way to talk to myself.and besides,with this,i wont have to burn it.just bang it into the wall and *poof* it'll be gone.shheeesssshhh
just got back from interchange.spose to get tt blasted vcd but nooo..nazimah had to cancel out on me.i hope i geddit soon.i hope i geddit fast.my atm is empty.i overspend.mom's gonna kill me.like real fast.sigh..not my fault right? ihadtogetsomanythingswhichincludedtwocds.*oops*
i think ms ho hates me.gah.i hate her too.she was wearing all purple.what is she?sexually deprived?gay?gosh..and deb was like "but i like purple.hah"
i have a new cme teacher.he has a weird hair and is balding.i wished he shaved off his hair.then he won't look so funny.plus,he has on this really thick specs.like real thick and real big.his eyes are so miniscule!gah.nothing much ah..oh yeah

PHOTO TAKING
ahaha..everyone was rushing off towards the toilet.the background was infront of the office.and it was raining.freaking c-o-l-d.gah
what is? i think msn is screwed.or maybe i am.the mee siam is not nice and the mars bar made me sick.bah hambug.still have to go and get astri a b-dae gift.so broke!wheee...i have many more rubber bands! yayness..and the pple..they are gone.sigh,no more topless man with nice biceps walking round the house.howells.
i have been having weird thoughts.agggaaaiiinnnn.aarrgghhh.oh gosh.out.out.ooouutttt..i asked sheila if she knew what was atikah mail add and she said no.gosh.so now,who is tt person.gah gah gah.

mmmmm..ooohh,in the papers yesterday,there was a story featured on this girl who had liked no eyes,no nose.she used to be quite good looking but after a horrible accident,she was left looking,well,empty.but she's getting a full face plastic surgery i think.i mean,she's gonna get another persons face.as in from a corpse.oh gosh,that would be so scary.can u imagine if u knew the deceased and u happened to see that face again?gah..scary.gosh.i need to find someone to talk about it.it's weird.but what i was amazed with was that the girl,she's not bitter.she has come to accept her fate.she's really strong.gosh.i hope she gets her features back.

i have sooo manyy things to do!pish-posh.bloody ass.gaaaaahhhhh.i hope no tuition tomorrow.so lazy.aaarrgghh.and kx is turning over a new leaf.gosh,i better do it too.

toodles*

bah

boo!i just got back from parkway-way.the place is getting way too crowded i tell ya.it used to be so empty,and now,there's even an increase in the number of mats with their tapered pants and blond hair! gah. actually,i think i wrote longer but the comp re-started by itself.sheesh.modernised technology.can't stand it,can't live with it.i swear,one of this days i'll get a comp that does not shut down on me!pish-posh.
still have e-maths paper to do.so lazy.nvm ah.tan degraded us again! wheee..some things never change.
i so love yellowcard's breathing.the violin sounds are wonderful.its the same chord ah over and over again.but its nice.very..very..i dunno ah,can't seem to describe it.but i <3 it.alot.
my bor has very very stinky feet.it's stinking up the whole house right now.sheesh.
mmmmm...i wanted to watch one true thing but i fell asleep.last night i slept for so long it was scary.gah.slept round 7 and only woke up in time to hear my mom shout at my bro for being late.gah.
so much for always being on time.
on sat,i helped my mom at my uncles restraunt.i accidentally switched off one of the main lights and the whole place was dark.and it was full of customers! i swear i wanted to dig a hole and bury myself ten feet deep.gah.so malu!heh..then buat muker slumber ah.
bah humbug
i have a sudden interest in watching harry potter again!ahah.but nvm,i'm getting a vcd tommorrow!whheee..arafah thinks its sad i have a huge crush on danny but so what?he's cute,way cute.yummylicious
this person,sinar_cahaya?keep thinking its mister bus stop but can't be right? i mean,its been a year.and so many thoughts keep on filtering into this empty head.abit scary ah but forget it lah.and i have yet to watch shrek two.might be atikah though.gosh.pish-posh
i wanna go beach!and it's raining.been having weird dreams though but each time i wake up,i dont seem to remember it.just now,it was about me and taking the wrong bus to go to school.it ended up with me in a bus with a bunch of handicapped pple.even mister yishun jc had a part in it! gah.hah.ooohh..talking about tt,i have the number! not yishun jc but the other one! ahaha..they were so nice,memorising it for me.gosh..

talking about tt,i wish they end up together.it's about time.(:
and i missed gilmore again! so not fair.bah hambug.

breathing-yellowcard

Eyes are feeling heavy but they never seem to close
The fan blades on the ceiling spin but the air is never cold
And even though you are next to me I still feel so alone
I just can't give you anything for you to call your own
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight
Something I've been keeping locked away behind my lips
I can feel it breaking free with each and every kiss
I couldn't bear to hurt you but it's all so different now
Things that I was sure of, they have filled me up with doubt
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight
I can feel you breathing
It's keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart? It's always beating.
Sinking like a weight
How am I supposed to feel about the things I've done?
I don't know if I should stay or turn around and run
I know that I hurt you, things will never be the same
The only love I ever knew, I threw it all away
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight
I can feel you breathing
It's keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart? It's always beating.
Sinking like a weight

say akan menulis dan mendeklamasi sajak sepertimana yang dikehendaki

bloody ass...a hundred times..and it will accumulate..till i finally write the sajak.BUT I DONT WANT TO! bah hambug.giddy up baby.
i forgot to say,i met mab the other day.she very skinny.very jambu.hah.boobah hambug.
yummylicious..
ahahha..today very fun.piano was a-ok.owe jy cab fare.things are ok now,i guess,i should try to make an effort.hhmmm..must not let other people put me down.ceh..self-esteem konon..ahaha..nanananana
i still donna what to write for my sajak!repek lah..nie lah,tu lah,arrrgghhh..i wanna watch kym eng and her first english debut.lol.pretty hilarious,whole family hooked on it.hah.eeeeee..
dier dah balik.dier tu cute.heh.jeepers bleepers.hope everyone is a-ok,hooray!
hah.yesterday spent ages talking on the phone with a-fah.hah,she's going to kill me for using that..lol..(: we wathced apperentice together..gosh,that guy is so cute my heart stops.hahah

and the oc..

"i love you"
"thank you"

hah..so cute!

dum-de-dum

hah..dint go school today..blergh..woke up with a nose full of gunk.doc gave me one day mc and a whole lot of tablets to swallow..blergh
my uncles worker's wife came here to stay with us for awhile..abit weird ah..ish..i'm so not used to having a person stay with us.like extra like that..hah.
then summore i dunno what to say to her.and then like that.and then like this.owe ram a lj-lunch.pish-posh..i wanna that banana split pie thingy! yum..

and oooo..i got cd i wanted!! ahahah..i'm blowing my money all around the world..oops..and i think i took way too much money.still have to pay tuition..nyahaha..

mmmmmm...

boo

whee..finally my kuzzie got it right! she's a superwoman..ahaha..<3

dint go mad today,woke up with a sore throat and flue.took those pills and fell right asleep again..yum..i love sleeping..heh..
ermm..tuition just now..rury said perfect opp came early! noooo..and where was i? in bed..ahha..no more pressing feeling today! yayness

imma bored bored girl..isnan clicked me that day..and we exchanged all of two sentences..wow..he was doing this research on genetic engineering what not..heh..

yummy yummy bobammy..i love the book that i'm reading! heh..
ooohh..the gig..may said it was okay..wheee..it was a small one though,can't wait to see the pics!ahaha..and all of the touching..wow..

yayness..

hey

boo..i cant make up my mind..but i think i'll use this for good..=]

wings of steel

because all the pain that u feel is not worth it and because all the hurt that u feel will one day go away

the rainbow has a pot of gold at the end of it and u have another person waiting to love,trust and honour

cos when it feels like all is lost just remember that u have me to lean on and through all this troubled times just reach out and i'll be there to catch you

cos when it feels like the rain is falling and the sky is dropping

and it feels as though the world has stopped spinning andu can go crazy and insane and something smells like durain here..it's so not nice..

ish..

k..

sumtimes u feel like screaming

sumtimes u feel like shouting and sumtimes..

u feel nothing at all except for the deepness of ure sorrows and the darkness of ure gloom

but the light at the end of the tunnel

though it burns very dimly is here waiting

cos u see..this..is not the end..this..is

the pain

the hurt

the abyss of gloom and darkness and the rainbow u cant find

the happy thoughts u cant conjure

the happy feelings u cant register

u turn and u see no one

u turn and u see emptiness

cos of the whispering of winds

of the caress of touch

i feel u like a silken web

entwining and enveloping

like a baby's cry

full of joy and sorrow

of grief of knowing that u can never turn back time

u fight against the towering tide

that is suffocating

the blue of it is blinding

and the cold it seeps right through u

through the very essence of humans

and the blood it flows like river ice

it freezes and it hardens

no amount of molten gold is able to melt

is able to make this hard heart to feel.

to love

to care

cos what is love but an illusion of things that are yet to be?

what is lovebut empty promises?

love is a feeling

love, it comes and goes

and love..u'll forever cherish

u'll treasure

u'll hold dearly and close to ure heart

the sunset that paints and glows

and the sunrise that brings with it a new hope

and the moon rising

makes u think of compromises

of forgiveness...

the milky way binding two things together

of the empty galaxy

and of the land far far away

u dream of ure childhood fantasies

of nostalgia

of faeries who do good

of witches who destroy

of gods who create

of humans,too folish

of that one red apple that caused gloom

of that one spell that caused disaster

as i sit and wait for my turn to come

i think and think of ways to comfort

cos i noe no one would be left all alone

and the heaven that sparkles

that showers us with love

it ignites a spark in me

a spark that would one day blossom

like a summer flower

only with much care and tenderness

and with that i would ignite

like a burning flame

burning deep inside of me

and the intensity that follows

would hurt

deep inside

but i..

i would emerge...

stronger..better..reborn..

i have..the wings of steel...

finally

i heart my cuzzie..aha..she was the one who helped me do this! i am hopeless..ahaa..its like what,1.30 in the morn and i have mad at 9..sheesh..but really lah..i'm dreading falling asleep right now,i hate tt pressing feeling..i've been feeling it like alot of times this past few days and its just so sucky. it's like ure trapped and u can't move and when i complain to dad..he'll say its just the air circulation.air circulation my ass.feels good to listen to offspring.yummy music.heh.

went to parkway.wanted to get dan brown but decided against it.what are library's for anyway?i'm already number 68 on the reservation list for the shopaholic thingy..ahahaha..and its like 20% off summore..sheesh..but i GOT THE SANDALS THAT I WANTED! yayness!
nannaa..i'm so sleepy..i love reading about vampires..aunty faz dint like it..heh..

gorgeous man..