i had a pretty bad start to what turned out to be a pretty good day. i was late meeting them at bedok interchange cos i had to dry my shorts which were otherwise residing in a bucket of water outside.full contact with the fan for two minutes plus ironing did nothing to dry it,but at least,it was bearable.which is why i was late. shu ting,don't box me k?haha.then i'll end up with a black eye plus huge ears.so i was shivering with the dampness of my shorts and i met them and had khad tell me the whole story while walking to the meeting area and we were not late k!haha.we were well,just in time.so.
-
the walk started.it was ohkay cos through it all there were lotsa of stuffs to tell,specially the one on the talking cock movie which was needless to say,hillarious.like really,in front of ure face funny! i never really appreciated the beauty of bedok resv.till now i guess.i just remembered the time wq accompanied me there when i was going through a bad path last two years.this was where she told me she was my anchor and that phrase has stuck with me ever since.i also felt guilty cos i noe i have not really been there for her specially yesterday when she had a really bad day and i knew nothing about it till i read her blog.gosh.i love her alot.i really do!i hope she feels okay though.it sucks how mean people can be.they are really viscious especially if it comes to tearing people down into tiny shreds and then feeding on it.it's unbearable and it sometimes makes me wonder.mean spirits.spirited away.
-
so,it hurts walking on gravel and it was pure pleasure once we were on a tarred road.the simple pleasures of life i tell you!so we hang around in class where some were contemplating if they should go back to the good old primary school.
-
the concert was horrible and it was a bit disappointing cos we are the graduating classes and dont we deserve a good show?as it was there was only a lot of butt and bust movements in the form of tight red t-shirts and black pants and gaudy movements.most of the performances were too horrible to watch that wq had to go into hiding!haha.the only one that was good was the kompang thingy and that also made the 4/1 girls squirm!haha.we are a squeamish lot.i think i got the spelling wrong.heh.ohwell.
-
i got sick though halfway so it was pretty uncomfortable.went home and slept and kak idah cancelled tuition.haha.i've been having the flu for so long now that it's becoming irritating.and i wanna go malaysia.it has been ages since i've been there and i'm practically begging my mom to go.grrrrr.i think eating two bananas is not good.haha.and my pokok pisang very the tinggi already!abit scary.
hmmmmph
-
get lost in the stars,surf through the wind
-
i havent had my candle light moments in ages.i miss basking in the glow of tiny pinpricks of light and u stare at the flickering flame.
31.8.04
29.8.04
ooooohhhhhhhhh
stomach feeling weird since i took those small black pills.haha.ergh.i hate swallowing stuffs.did i spell that right?gosh.
hmmm.spend the day out with the family.went out and ate loads and loads and then went to get house hold appliances.nothing really extra ordinary though madrasah was fun and there were lots of laughs going around.i saw a guy that was on the gunung ledang trip too and it brought back some weird memories.i couldnt help but stare at him.and i saw the most gorgeouse pair of high cuts and a brown shirt with flowing sleeves.and oh! i terate durian just now!bloody thingy dint put a sign that said it was durian eclairs.took a bite and almost vomitted the thing out.I HATE DURIAN.STUPID SHIT.haha.ewwwwwwwwwwwwww.
counting down the days to my b-dae!ahaha.and yes!mom's gonna get me tt charm bracelet!yaaaaaaaayyyyy.
now i have to ask for something else form wq.haha.and yes,i'm counting down to that too.i hope this is gonna be a good week.
*crosses fingers,eyes,toes and ears.
and now i'm off to go test drive the new iron.aha.kitchen maid.
and i saw an unbelievable harry potter book that had gold pages and cost 89 bucks.swwooonnn.
hmmm.spend the day out with the family.went out and ate loads and loads and then went to get house hold appliances.nothing really extra ordinary though madrasah was fun and there were lots of laughs going around.i saw a guy that was on the gunung ledang trip too and it brought back some weird memories.i couldnt help but stare at him.and i saw the most gorgeouse pair of high cuts and a brown shirt with flowing sleeves.and oh! i terate durian just now!bloody thingy dint put a sign that said it was durian eclairs.took a bite and almost vomitted the thing out.I HATE DURIAN.STUPID SHIT.haha.ewwwwwwwwwwwwww.
counting down the days to my b-dae!ahaha.and yes!mom's gonna get me tt charm bracelet!yaaaaaaaayyyyy.
now i have to ask for something else form wq.haha.and yes,i'm counting down to that too.i hope this is gonna be a good week.
*crosses fingers,eyes,toes and ears.
and now i'm off to go test drive the new iron.aha.kitchen maid.
and i saw an unbelievable harry potter book that had gold pages and cost 89 bucks.swwooonnn.
ooooohhhhhhhhh
stomach feeling weird since i took those small black pills.haha.ergh.i hate swallowing stuffs.did i spell that right?gosh.
hmmm.spend the day out with the family.went out and ate loads and loads and then went to get house hold appliances.nothing really extra ordinary though madrasah was fun and there were lots of laughs going around.i saw a guy that was on the gunung ledang trip too and it brought back some weird memories.i couldnt help but stare at him.and i saw the most gorgeouse pair of high cuts and a brown shirt with flowing sleeves.and oh! i terate durian just now!bloody thingy dint put a sign that said it was durian eclairs.took a bite and almost vomitted the thing out.I HATE DURIAN.STUPID SHIT.haha.ewwwwwwwwwwwwww.
counting down the days to my b-dae!ahaha.and yes!mom's gonna get me tt charm bracelet!yaaaaaaaayyyyy.
now i have to ask for something else form wq.haha.and yes,i'm counting down to that too.i hope this is gonna be a good week.
*crosses fingers,eyes,toes and ears.
and now i'm off to go test drive the new iron.aha.kitchen maid.
and i saw an unbelievable harry potter book that had gold pages and cost 89 bucks.swwooonnn.
hmmm.spend the day out with the family.went out and ate loads and loads and then went to get house hold appliances.nothing really extra ordinary though madrasah was fun and there were lots of laughs going around.i saw a guy that was on the gunung ledang trip too and it brought back some weird memories.i couldnt help but stare at him.and i saw the most gorgeouse pair of high cuts and a brown shirt with flowing sleeves.and oh! i terate durian just now!bloody thingy dint put a sign that said it was durian eclairs.took a bite and almost vomitted the thing out.I HATE DURIAN.STUPID SHIT.haha.ewwwwwwwwwwwwww.
counting down the days to my b-dae!ahaha.and yes!mom's gonna get me tt charm bracelet!yaaaaaaaayyyyy.
now i have to ask for something else form wq.haha.and yes,i'm counting down to that too.i hope this is gonna be a good week.
*crosses fingers,eyes,toes and ears.
and now i'm off to go test drive the new iron.aha.kitchen maid.
and i saw an unbelievable harry potter book that had gold pages and cost 89 bucks.swwooonnn.
28.8.04
i want
i want
to feel the wind caress my cheek
to feel the warmth spread through my soul
to feel the darkness, envelope me whole
to feel the light shining through me
*
to touch the smile on a happy face
to wipe the frown,to capture the tears
to hear the trees speak in the breeze
to catch a star,i'll safely keep
*
to fly to the moon.floating in the sky
to dance on the milky way,with friends by my side
to talk to animals,to spread my wings
to run through beaches,gliding on seas
*
to walk on water,to float on clouds
to achieve my aspirations
to banish my doubts
to feel pure joy happiness and pain,
to turn back time to have you back again
-
be my pill,my drug,my music.
to feel the wind caress my cheek
to feel the warmth spread through my soul
to feel the darkness, envelope me whole
to feel the light shining through me
*
to touch the smile on a happy face
to wipe the frown,to capture the tears
to hear the trees speak in the breeze
to catch a star,i'll safely keep
*
to fly to the moon.floating in the sky
to dance on the milky way,with friends by my side
to talk to animals,to spread my wings
to run through beaches,gliding on seas
*
to walk on water,to float on clouds
to achieve my aspirations
to banish my doubts
to feel pure joy happiness and pain,
to turn back time to have you back again
-
be my pill,my drug,my music.
duck
the house was like a warhouse.everyone was screaming at one another.hah.bro's room had a makeover though.now it looked like how my room looked liked before.and my room looked like how his looked like before.
went over to hougang to my aunty's place to look at her baby.gosh.he.is.adorable.those cheeks.awwwwwwww.mmmmm.and my cousin has this really beautiful curly hair.mine got killed when my mom sent me to a barber when i was 3!yes.a barber.hah.so now i have static hair to live with for the rest.of.my.life.haha.
i told kak idah bout my decision.she wasn't too happy about it but she kept quiet anyway.i feel kind of guilty but sod it.its empowering to know that u have at least done something productive for the day!yayness.i still want to go catch the firworks.is the fireworks festival still on?hmmm.
haha.this is funny.i got a paper bouqet from ntuc income.apparently they always give out what they call an 'innovative' bouqet of flowers when really all that it is is a piece of paper with flowers printed on them.haha.but i got great discount coupons though.cheapo.lol.i never think when i say something.that gets me into trouble.hmm.vacuuming stinks.
went to pp that day with collin and jy.i spent a bomb on the biscuits at m&s.wonder if mom's gonna pay me back.i still am short of money.i always am.grrr.had ice cream though i had the bloody asthma.i wish it would just go away!hmmph.and i got spirit of the moonflower for mom.its her b-dae tomorrow and mine is coming soon!haha.lin was determined to have my face superimposed on a cake and for me to keep the cake forever and ever and ever.haha.i need good music.today's the blasted gig!nnnoooo.haha.hoped they had fun.they always do.and i still want that book.the five people u meet in heaven.moonflower flowermoon.how come its not flower of the moon? hahah.
*boo
went over to hougang to my aunty's place to look at her baby.gosh.he.is.adorable.those cheeks.awwwwwwww.mmmmm.and my cousin has this really beautiful curly hair.mine got killed when my mom sent me to a barber when i was 3!yes.a barber.hah.so now i have static hair to live with for the rest.of.my.life.haha.
i told kak idah bout my decision.she wasn't too happy about it but she kept quiet anyway.i feel kind of guilty but sod it.its empowering to know that u have at least done something productive for the day!yayness.i still want to go catch the firworks.is the fireworks festival still on?hmmm.
haha.this is funny.i got a paper bouqet from ntuc income.apparently they always give out what they call an 'innovative' bouqet of flowers when really all that it is is a piece of paper with flowers printed on them.haha.but i got great discount coupons though.cheapo.lol.i never think when i say something.that gets me into trouble.hmm.vacuuming stinks.
went to pp that day with collin and jy.i spent a bomb on the biscuits at m&s.wonder if mom's gonna pay me back.i still am short of money.i always am.grrr.had ice cream though i had the bloody asthma.i wish it would just go away!hmmph.and i got spirit of the moonflower for mom.its her b-dae tomorrow and mine is coming soon!haha.lin was determined to have my face superimposed on a cake and for me to keep the cake forever and ever and ever.haha.i need good music.today's the blasted gig!nnnoooo.haha.hoped they had fun.they always do.and i still want that book.the five people u meet in heaven.moonflower flowermoon.how come its not flower of the moon? hahah.
*boo
26.8.04
mamma mia!
do u know that a civet cat has well,a smell?as in they actually scrubbed the cat 80 times and then extracted their smell.yes,that's what we did when we went to the perfume factory.it was so far away and for the rest of the journey back,i was bouncing on the seats and playing a singing game.haha.what a way to spend a day.but it was fun fun fun and i love the smell of vanilla!it's well,*dreamy
ms tan dint come today so there was no test but it was pure torture to complete the jun 2004 paper.i did it for so long and well.dot-dot-dot.yes.complete the dots and colour in the picture.
i wrote something today,but it sucked.i realised it has been ages since i have written something.and i can't do happy stories.ms kang is a -tooot-.she bloody well singled out me and may to hand in our homework like the guys while the girls could do it the usual way.hah.no one really likes her afterall.bloody shit man.cacat bin babat.
-
that day they had the teacher's day audition.it was ohkay i guessed but nasir's band dint get in.which was sad cos the band that did was pretty much well,up urs.yes.there was no co-ordination though mee pok man singing was good.haha.mee pok pok mee mee mee meee.
i had chicken chop today and owe money.i am so broke.and i went ahead to buy the ticks without asking dad.ooopps.(x
and i saw the it guy i saw the it guy.yay! but mr yjc is still a no show in the bus.why?why?why?.crap bag.
tuition was ohkay.she gave us the invitation card and it was so nniiiccceee.yes.and apparently,we are the only school having prom at the bloody school hall.my cuz is having it at hyatt.nnnnooooooo.freak ass of a show.
-
kuda kepang scares me.i wish i had someone with extensive knowledge to tell me more about it.the only one right now is cikgu and let's just say..more dots.apparently mrs lee eats rice with a chopstick while she uses a plate.stylo milo ovaltine.and i hate the after taste of guava.specially with the asam masam.garam.ick eeww puke.
hmmm.yesterday's weather was wonderful.all rainy and cold.perfect to kill time huddling in comforters and reading a good book that tugs on ure heartstrings.
-
i see gummy bears dancing on the street.i see gummy bears dancing on the street.wonder who'll get out for spore idol.the thing is so blase nowadays though.i want my oc back!crap bag.
ms tan dint come today so there was no test but it was pure torture to complete the jun 2004 paper.i did it for so long and well.dot-dot-dot.yes.complete the dots and colour in the picture.
i wrote something today,but it sucked.i realised it has been ages since i have written something.and i can't do happy stories.ms kang is a -tooot-.she bloody well singled out me and may to hand in our homework like the guys while the girls could do it the usual way.hah.no one really likes her afterall.bloody shit man.cacat bin babat.
-
that day they had the teacher's day audition.it was ohkay i guessed but nasir's band dint get in.which was sad cos the band that did was pretty much well,up urs.yes.there was no co-ordination though mee pok man singing was good.haha.mee pok pok mee mee mee meee.
i had chicken chop today and owe money.i am so broke.and i went ahead to buy the ticks without asking dad.ooopps.(x
and i saw the it guy i saw the it guy.yay! but mr yjc is still a no show in the bus.why?why?why?.crap bag.
tuition was ohkay.she gave us the invitation card and it was so nniiiccceee.yes.and apparently,we are the only school having prom at the bloody school hall.my cuz is having it at hyatt.nnnnooooooo.freak ass of a show.
-
kuda kepang scares me.i wish i had someone with extensive knowledge to tell me more about it.the only one right now is cikgu and let's just say..more dots.apparently mrs lee eats rice with a chopstick while she uses a plate.stylo milo ovaltine.and i hate the after taste of guava.specially with the asam masam.garam.ick eeww puke.
hmmm.yesterday's weather was wonderful.all rainy and cold.perfect to kill time huddling in comforters and reading a good book that tugs on ure heartstrings.
-
i see gummy bears dancing on the street.i see gummy bears dancing on the street.wonder who'll get out for spore idol.the thing is so blase nowadays though.i want my oc back!crap bag.
24.8.04
oh boy.
yes,oh boy.deep shit.yes.not aiming high,but my hopes are pinned on you.yes.what was it that arafah said? something something stars?hah.gotta call her.and yes,i am definitely going to ignore physics.i do not need it anyway.so why bother?yes! i rock.and i have yellow crystals.ooohh..so love chem practical.conc=mole/vol.yay!ahah.lamer
-
mmm..chem mock tomorrow.not going to study,what can i do?cram like the whole textbook in what,two hours?i took two hours to study organic chem.dad's been forcing me to go to the doctor.but i have no time! eeeekkkk...i wanna my chheesseee ffrrriiieeesssss.
-
i'm counting down.one more week to go!and then i can go spend the whole day with wq and tiffany.yay!i wanna go take pictures and smile and laugh and talk and laugh.it better be good.(:
-
and i want it to start and end with a big bang! *BANG*
and oh,this morning,there was this guy that breathed down my neck! gosh.it gave me bloody goosebumbs and i was so concious for the rest of the journey.thank god my stop was only like a stop away.phew.
and...this is utter crap.we are spose to be spending teachers day walking down bedok reserv.yes.asses.big huge white asses.
-
i can't believe i told wq i fancied him.realised how stupid and dumb that was.god,what was i thinking?haha.at least it was better than that one which wore a bright orange thingamagick on a hot day in bedok interchange.i have no taste.yes.but still,that guy in love actually,that is utter HOTNESS.*psssssss
-
stupid phy practical.cant' do it at all.grrrrrrrr
why is it taking ages for the photo to loaddddd??
*toodles
-
mmm..chem mock tomorrow.not going to study,what can i do?cram like the whole textbook in what,two hours?i took two hours to study organic chem.dad's been forcing me to go to the doctor.but i have no time! eeeekkkk...i wanna my chheesseee ffrrriiieeesssss.
-
i'm counting down.one more week to go!and then i can go spend the whole day with wq and tiffany.yay!i wanna go take pictures and smile and laugh and talk and laugh.it better be good.(:
-
and i want it to start and end with a big bang! *BANG*
and oh,this morning,there was this guy that breathed down my neck! gosh.it gave me bloody goosebumbs and i was so concious for the rest of the journey.thank god my stop was only like a stop away.phew.
and...this is utter crap.we are spose to be spending teachers day walking down bedok reserv.yes.asses.big huge white asses.
-
i can't believe i told wq i fancied him.realised how stupid and dumb that was.god,what was i thinking?haha.at least it was better than that one which wore a bright orange thingamagick on a hot day in bedok interchange.i have no taste.yes.but still,that guy in love actually,that is utter HOTNESS.*psssssss
-
stupid phy practical.cant' do it at all.grrrrrrrr
why is it taking ages for the photo to loaddddd??
*toodles
22.8.04
imma hungry
crap.i do not look good in purple.serious eeeewwwww.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WAN QI.tt's like the third time imma wishing her.ahaha.
mmmm
today had to go to abg harry nyer sanding.it was nice lah.then we headed to simei,where the girl side buat her thing.i saw a huge bunch of bg guys doing the kompang thingy?and also miss suraya.i kinda stared at her and smiled but she dint recognise me.haha.and there was also this really cute dancer though.on the way from jurong to simei,the guys were like singing lagu yang sesungguhnya cukup jiwang.naik bulu roma ku.eh no,scratch that,actually,i had a nice time laughing.haha.yes.and then i heard x-factor!which leads my thoughts to well,danny and his gorgeous smile.*swoon
-
seeing my couzin get married was like a weird feeling.i mean,look at him now,so big and strong and well,married.crap,the washing machine is bonkers.*boink.
it all really boils down to the matter of time and the future.i always thought that things would seem to be as it is.but i'm wrong.every thing is changing.i do not want to grow up.is that a bad thing?maybe being peter pan would not seem to be like a bad idea.fantasy stories just get to ure head.
-
and then i was wondering how my cousin would be like as a dad.tt's freaky.hmmmm.but i so want a child.specially when i saw those adorable baby clothes.but the prospect of well,doing IT scares me.weird right?but yeah,who wouldn't want to have someone to hold on to?soulmates.yes.to love.such a scary emotion.who really defines what love is though?bugging me over and over again.do u feel wrapped up in a cocoon?but on the other hand,love is especially fragile and often used in vain.i thought i was,when i was with him but now i realised,no.me,who had promised myself never to say that till i meant it said it in futile.two weeks.tt was how long it lasted.i guessed i was grateful for the intervention.but oh,how we long.there was an article in today's sunday times about never been kissed.i do not want to grow old without having kids.i want my baby adam and sophia and kaiser and emilda.and yes,i do have his name written on my shoe.in numbers.*hint-hint*lol
so not making sense.
-
and oohhh...i just saw the perfect walk on a guy.it was a swagger.i love that walk.*smiles
-
oh yes,i found it.i lost it.i gained it back.and now i'm never letting it go.
-
dammit.haha. (:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WAN QI.tt's like the third time imma wishing her.ahaha.
mmmm
today had to go to abg harry nyer sanding.it was nice lah.then we headed to simei,where the girl side buat her thing.i saw a huge bunch of bg guys doing the kompang thingy?and also miss suraya.i kinda stared at her and smiled but she dint recognise me.haha.and there was also this really cute dancer though.on the way from jurong to simei,the guys were like singing lagu yang sesungguhnya cukup jiwang.naik bulu roma ku.eh no,scratch that,actually,i had a nice time laughing.haha.yes.and then i heard x-factor!which leads my thoughts to well,danny and his gorgeous smile.*swoon
-
seeing my couzin get married was like a weird feeling.i mean,look at him now,so big and strong and well,married.crap,the washing machine is bonkers.*boink.
it all really boils down to the matter of time and the future.i always thought that things would seem to be as it is.but i'm wrong.every thing is changing.i do not want to grow up.is that a bad thing?maybe being peter pan would not seem to be like a bad idea.fantasy stories just get to ure head.
-
and then i was wondering how my cousin would be like as a dad.tt's freaky.hmmmm.but i so want a child.specially when i saw those adorable baby clothes.but the prospect of well,doing IT scares me.weird right?but yeah,who wouldn't want to have someone to hold on to?soulmates.yes.to love.such a scary emotion.who really defines what love is though?bugging me over and over again.do u feel wrapped up in a cocoon?but on the other hand,love is especially fragile and often used in vain.i thought i was,when i was with him but now i realised,no.me,who had promised myself never to say that till i meant it said it in futile.two weeks.tt was how long it lasted.i guessed i was grateful for the intervention.but oh,how we long.there was an article in today's sunday times about never been kissed.i do not want to grow old without having kids.i want my baby adam and sophia and kaiser and emilda.and yes,i do have his name written on my shoe.in numbers.*hint-hint*lol
so not making sense.
-
and oohhh...i just saw the perfect walk on a guy.it was a swagger.i love that walk.*smiles
-
oh yes,i found it.i lost it.i gained it back.and now i'm never letting it go.
-
dammit.haha. (:
just when u thought the heart was breaking,it went ahead and mended itself
-
i swear i thought i saw someone like him.i was in the van and there was this bunch hanging out near the mango shop pat city hall.my heart skipped a beat and my mind was racing.'was it really him?'
crap,it aint.but it did look alot like mr yjc.the hair and everything.
I HAVE NO LIFE.damn..
do i always have to feel so small?
-
today went to my cuz nyer nikah.i missed the ceremony but i hanged out at the void deck.it still amazes me how fast time passes.it's weird.i want it to stop.will bribery work?
mmmmm
-
i still wanna kill my cuz though.havent been seeing much of her.i so want to go see the fireworks.its killing me!gah
-
oh yeah!gosh.i had phy mock.i hatephysicsihatephysicsihatephysics.eeeeeeeee.stupid! as usual,i dint noe how to calculate resistance and potential diff.and i dint noe how to calculate acceleration.i feel like flunking my phy.do i need phy if i wanna go to the art stream?oh no.and as usual,as i did the last chapter in the freaking phy tb,i forgot how to calculate HALF LIFE.yes.and i was worried about faraday's law.sheesh.strangle me with a piece of wire,why dont u?
-
oh no,dad's home.eh,no.so many motorbikes.
-
mmm...ooohh..dianne's gonna be my freind for the next 6 years!hurrah!haha.and i will be her first subject to study on when she takes a course to be an anthropologist.there are just so many jobs out there.i still wanna be a journalist though,but i dont mind deejaying.specially after the power 98 crew came to the school.hmm. music=life,or issit?
-
mom's talking to me again.sometimes i just wished she would understand that i need to stay home and well,study.instead of hanging round under the void deck.which reminds me,can i go to the substation gig on the 28? oh pleasseeee...*crosses finger*
-
i had a bad day on friday though.we had physics mock practical and i panicked cos i had piano classes.we finished late and i took a cab down to parkway parade only to realise that i totally MISSED THE LESSON.i felt so bad tt i cried cos on top of that,mom was mad at me too on that day.then i went to mph to get wq the cd.i wanted to do some therupatic(?) shopping too but i decided against it.i think my bank account won't be able to handle it.can i ask for an increase in allowance?i want more money! i hate my hair.no,scratch that,i just wished tt it would be well..a little less frizzy.hah.
-
went to lj too to have lunch with my bestie!hah.she still refuses to say i love u,rather she settles on i eart you.hah.i was reading this book,called the insiders and it shocked me cos i couldn't identify with the reader even though he too,was 16.is that saying something about my life?hah.i need some excitement.*i so want to try the bungee thingy and definitely the sky diving.i can't wait.
-
fahmi said i looked like kamal.BLOODY HUGE INSULT! grrrr
-
why wont my cough just disappear?i keep waking up halfway thru my sleep,interrupting really good dreams to blow my nose and take the puff.[as in the blue colour tube.and wq,i can't be addicted to it,right?].it's killing me! bang,shoot me.
-
i wanna learn and do so many things.we celebrated wq b-dae on fri.yiyun bought her this cake and we sang her a b-dae song all at the time of 7 o'clock in the morning.hah.i love her!yay.
-
i swear i thought i saw someone like him.i was in the van and there was this bunch hanging out near the mango shop pat city hall.my heart skipped a beat and my mind was racing.'was it really him?'
crap,it aint.but it did look alot like mr yjc.the hair and everything.
I HAVE NO LIFE.damn..
do i always have to feel so small?
-
today went to my cuz nyer nikah.i missed the ceremony but i hanged out at the void deck.it still amazes me how fast time passes.it's weird.i want it to stop.will bribery work?
mmmmm
-
i still wanna kill my cuz though.havent been seeing much of her.i so want to go see the fireworks.its killing me!gah
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oh yeah!gosh.i had phy mock.i hatephysicsihatephysicsihatephysics.eeeeeeeee.stupid! as usual,i dint noe how to calculate resistance and potential diff.and i dint noe how to calculate acceleration.i feel like flunking my phy.do i need phy if i wanna go to the art stream?oh no.and as usual,as i did the last chapter in the freaking phy tb,i forgot how to calculate HALF LIFE.yes.and i was worried about faraday's law.sheesh.strangle me with a piece of wire,why dont u?
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oh no,dad's home.eh,no.so many motorbikes.
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mmm...ooohh..dianne's gonna be my freind for the next 6 years!hurrah!haha.and i will be her first subject to study on when she takes a course to be an anthropologist.there are just so many jobs out there.i still wanna be a journalist though,but i dont mind deejaying.specially after the power 98 crew came to the school.hmm. music=life,or issit?
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mom's talking to me again.sometimes i just wished she would understand that i need to stay home and well,study.instead of hanging round under the void deck.which reminds me,can i go to the substation gig on the 28? oh pleasseeee...*crosses finger*
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i had a bad day on friday though.we had physics mock practical and i panicked cos i had piano classes.we finished late and i took a cab down to parkway parade only to realise that i totally MISSED THE LESSON.i felt so bad tt i cried cos on top of that,mom was mad at me too on that day.then i went to mph to get wq the cd.i wanted to do some therupatic(?) shopping too but i decided against it.i think my bank account won't be able to handle it.can i ask for an increase in allowance?i want more money! i hate my hair.no,scratch that,i just wished tt it would be well..a little less frizzy.hah.
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went to lj too to have lunch with my bestie!hah.she still refuses to say i love u,rather she settles on i eart you.hah.i was reading this book,called the insiders and it shocked me cos i couldn't identify with the reader even though he too,was 16.is that saying something about my life?hah.i need some excitement.*i so want to try the bungee thingy and definitely the sky diving.i can't wait.
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fahmi said i looked like kamal.BLOODY HUGE INSULT! grrrr
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why wont my cough just disappear?i keep waking up halfway thru my sleep,interrupting really good dreams to blow my nose and take the puff.[as in the blue colour tube.and wq,i can't be addicted to it,right?].it's killing me! bang,shoot me.
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i wanna learn and do so many things.we celebrated wq b-dae on fri.yiyun bought her this cake and we sang her a b-dae song all at the time of 7 o'clock in the morning.hah.i love her!yay.
17.8.04
oh.gosh.
i have well,fringes.like really bad fringes and the best part is?arafah has them too!ahhhh....*yayness* i <3 her.lol.yes.i do!
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tomorrow is career day.they still dont have anything on journalism.hmmm..but at least i'm attending the bk talk!whee..yes,and i got credit for the eng thingamagick!and so did wanqi and we went abit berserk in the street.i told her about,well,that.yeah.and she was like "huh?" ahaha.oh well.i <3 her too!i <3 everybody.party pooper my ass.haha.(:
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went over to my grandma's place.its been ages since i've been there and she looked so happy when i came.heh.yeah,the relatives from indon came down today.looking at them just brought back memories of my time there.they were so nice!yes,though i was homesick,they made it all ok!my cuz is gonna get engaged like on sat,i was like phwoar,cos i thought it was going to be held in like what,september? heh.and shu ting was sad cos she dint get to see her mister macdonald.lol.
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*i finally got my goreng pisang!and i hope my hair grows quick2!
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tomorrow is career day.they still dont have anything on journalism.hmmm..but at least i'm attending the bk talk!whee..yes,and i got credit for the eng thingamagick!and so did wanqi and we went abit berserk in the street.i told her about,well,that.yeah.and she was like "huh?" ahaha.oh well.i <3 her too!i <3 everybody.party pooper my ass.haha.(:
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went over to my grandma's place.its been ages since i've been there and she looked so happy when i came.heh.yeah,the relatives from indon came down today.looking at them just brought back memories of my time there.they were so nice!yes,though i was homesick,they made it all ok!my cuz is gonna get engaged like on sat,i was like phwoar,cos i thought it was going to be held in like what,september? heh.and shu ting was sad cos she dint get to see her mister macdonald.lol.
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*i finally got my goreng pisang!and i hope my hair grows quick2!
15.8.04
i am pissed
yes,very much cos right now,i am spose to be getting ready to go out.but no,someone just had to cancelled out on me and as a result,there are two of us right now sitting infront of the monitor insted of spending time together.and to add to it all,my mom is pissed at me too.what a nice day.
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thank god it rained.i guessed that the doa we learnt untk mintak hujan really paid off!haha.i guess madrasah just now was ohkay.it was pretty amazing though to feel the way i felt when the whole class was reading the quran.and it made me realise how miniscule i am.i guess it is really good for me to attend these classes as it made me realise how ignorant i have been.honestly,i've always had problems.i always wondered how pple could pray so earnestly.i remembered that time when i used to go thru a period of lying that i have prayed.gosh.and there was this really bad time where i forgot my fatihah!and no matter how i say i will change,i'll repent,i still find myself going thru the bad habits.no,now i dont lie,but yet,i still find that i am not complete.i have forgotten about HIM at times,but yet,at the end of the day,i am secure in the knowledge that i am in the right religon.but come to think of it,how do you know that islam is the right one.i mean,the buddhist would say that yes,they are right and we are wrong and so would the christians,the jews.but mom answered it simply by saying that kiter percayer adernyer tu rukun iman dan islam.it is amazing,believing in god,a higher power.and i feel so guilty.and by the end of the lesson,i would be eager to change,but for how long?
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he who is great,who has the power.we are all here to be tested. there was something really amazing though that my teach said.it was like there was this chinese man that had attended those classes for those that had converted into islam and apparently,he burst into tears and blamed us for not reaching out sooner.isn't it ironic?and are we really at fault?the decline of islam is seen all over the world and yet we are doing nothing about it.it saddens me but yet,i am reluctant to do anything about it.its weird but that is how i have always felt at the end of each week.oh well.i guess nothing can really be said to express the anxiety.i dont want to die before repenting.thus,i shall start now.but i don't think i can last.
help?
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now,i'm not pissed.just confused.cos i want one thing and yet,i'm reaching for the other.
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thank god it rained.i guessed that the doa we learnt untk mintak hujan really paid off!haha.i guess madrasah just now was ohkay.it was pretty amazing though to feel the way i felt when the whole class was reading the quran.and it made me realise how miniscule i am.i guess it is really good for me to attend these classes as it made me realise how ignorant i have been.honestly,i've always had problems.i always wondered how pple could pray so earnestly.i remembered that time when i used to go thru a period of lying that i have prayed.gosh.and there was this really bad time where i forgot my fatihah!and no matter how i say i will change,i'll repent,i still find myself going thru the bad habits.no,now i dont lie,but yet,i still find that i am not complete.i have forgotten about HIM at times,but yet,at the end of the day,i am secure in the knowledge that i am in the right religon.but come to think of it,how do you know that islam is the right one.i mean,the buddhist would say that yes,they are right and we are wrong and so would the christians,the jews.but mom answered it simply by saying that kiter percayer adernyer tu rukun iman dan islam.it is amazing,believing in god,a higher power.and i feel so guilty.and by the end of the lesson,i would be eager to change,but for how long?
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he who is great,who has the power.we are all here to be tested. there was something really amazing though that my teach said.it was like there was this chinese man that had attended those classes for those that had converted into islam and apparently,he burst into tears and blamed us for not reaching out sooner.isn't it ironic?and are we really at fault?the decline of islam is seen all over the world and yet we are doing nothing about it.it saddens me but yet,i am reluctant to do anything about it.its weird but that is how i have always felt at the end of each week.oh well.i guess nothing can really be said to express the anxiety.i dont want to die before repenting.thus,i shall start now.but i don't think i can last.
help?
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now,i'm not pissed.just confused.cos i want one thing and yet,i'm reaching for the other.
13.8.04
and i wonder
went out with them to get ib's b-dae gift.so now i am officially in charge to decorate the bag. *i had no idea she liked yellow!*
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and we saw ismadi.[sha thought it was asmadi (:]yes.dint know he worked at bk.oh god
another bet with ram.nothing better to do seh.i so can't wait to not attend my malay lessons and to not touch a single malay thing ever.hah.
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oh well,today marks a brand new day.as in,a brand new govt.i wonder how the future would be like.sometimes,i just wished i had a crystal ball by which i can see into the future.at least,u would be prepared to face the future.but then,'semuanyer di tangan tuhan'.oh well
i find that i am actually tempted to get my palm read or my fortune told.is that really so bad?i always loved checking out my horoscope.though it doesnt really come true!haha. i saw so many things that i wanted to buy today.i hoped sha can get me those cds.i feel like going on a cd spree.haha.so long never go shopping.and then there was this guy on the bus who was pretty cute,but the bag that he wore totally killed it.i mean,it was a bag with teddy prints on it! my god.how lame can you get?ahaha.i guess,to each his own.
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i still feel pleased with my mt results.hah.and cikgu was like 'a2 itu sepatutnya sama dengan b3'.my ass.i seriously think that his only goal in life is to bring the students of bg down.he and everyone else.gosh.are we really that bad? i guess this happens when u get into a new school.so weird.i met shu ting and wl at parkway.somehow,i always thought that they were pretty cold.ntah lah eh.but oh well.i guess she was with her so it was pretty awkward.
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issit so wrong to let your thought fly away so far?why distinguish your childhood.i wished i had a more outgoing childhood.heh.jy said i was boring.gosh.that wounded me!lol.but yeah,i also do think i am.hmmm..but well.to each his own.she was asking us just now why we dint like hip-hop.haha.i really did not have a clear cut answer for that.bottom line is that, I DONT.but i did see a cute hip-hopper though.hip-hop=bus stop= rather not think about it.
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i want to kill my couz for giving that mail add to a person with which i do not wish to interact with.*sorry.but it just creeps me out!i have this urge to tell mr pjc about my result,but of course,he aint in.i wondered if my cuz had been talking to kher.he is kinda cute.and what a name!haha
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*i hate walking down all alone through that dark alley.i wished they added more light.i wished i didnt have to go to school so early.wishy pish-posh
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and we saw ismadi.[sha thought it was asmadi (:]yes.dint know he worked at bk.oh god
another bet with ram.nothing better to do seh.i so can't wait to not attend my malay lessons and to not touch a single malay thing ever.hah.
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oh well,today marks a brand new day.as in,a brand new govt.i wonder how the future would be like.sometimes,i just wished i had a crystal ball by which i can see into the future.at least,u would be prepared to face the future.but then,'semuanyer di tangan tuhan'.oh well
i find that i am actually tempted to get my palm read or my fortune told.is that really so bad?i always loved checking out my horoscope.though it doesnt really come true!haha. i saw so many things that i wanted to buy today.i hoped sha can get me those cds.i feel like going on a cd spree.haha.so long never go shopping.and then there was this guy on the bus who was pretty cute,but the bag that he wore totally killed it.i mean,it was a bag with teddy prints on it! my god.how lame can you get?ahaha.i guess,to each his own.
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i still feel pleased with my mt results.hah.and cikgu was like 'a2 itu sepatutnya sama dengan b3'.my ass.i seriously think that his only goal in life is to bring the students of bg down.he and everyone else.gosh.are we really that bad? i guess this happens when u get into a new school.so weird.i met shu ting and wl at parkway.somehow,i always thought that they were pretty cold.ntah lah eh.but oh well.i guess she was with her so it was pretty awkward.
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issit so wrong to let your thought fly away so far?why distinguish your childhood.i wished i had a more outgoing childhood.heh.jy said i was boring.gosh.that wounded me!lol.but yeah,i also do think i am.hmmm..but well.to each his own.she was asking us just now why we dint like hip-hop.haha.i really did not have a clear cut answer for that.bottom line is that, I DONT.but i did see a cute hip-hopper though.hip-hop=bus stop= rather not think about it.
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i want to kill my couz for giving that mail add to a person with which i do not wish to interact with.*sorry.but it just creeps me out!i have this urge to tell mr pjc about my result,but of course,he aint in.i wondered if my cuz had been talking to kher.he is kinda cute.and what a name!haha
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*i hate walking down all alone through that dark alley.i wished they added more light.i wished i didnt have to go to school so early.wishy pish-posh
12.8.04
yayness!
wheeee...i got a 2!yup!ahaha..*phew
and my aunt was like,are u sure?or did u copy?haha.so much for believing in me.i'm glad i got the results.at least i've cleared one hurdle.and plus,its an ego booster.heh
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just now was my el oral.eh,it was pretty good! haha.and natasha was like eh 'nad and nat'.haha.cos we had to sit together for the pre reading thingy.there was a punker too.wheee...i <3 his hair.very nice.at least collin looked less like an ah beng with his specs on.we killed time by making poems up.haha.fun ah.considering the fact tt we were under well,quite stressfull conditions.i had horrible cramps though.was groaning and moaning about it.then during the 1hr break,me kx deb collin yuvan and widji were hanging out together and we were well,talking about menses.there were some really funny jokes specially when collin went,'eh,the eggs got shell not?' and kx actions on how to get the egg to come out of the fallopian tube.(: i laughed so loud that cikgu and mrs wadhwani turned and stared!hahah.but i cldnt be bothered.ib's b-dae is tomorrow and she received the best gift ever! :P and the weird part was when tt happened.*gosh
never thought they'd be interested to know.weird.ohwells.
i just knew that the menstrual pills was a really nice pink colour.haha.so outdated
*toodles
and my aunt was like,are u sure?or did u copy?haha.so much for believing in me.i'm glad i got the results.at least i've cleared one hurdle.and plus,its an ego booster.heh
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just now was my el oral.eh,it was pretty good! haha.and natasha was like eh 'nad and nat'.haha.cos we had to sit together for the pre reading thingy.there was a punker too.wheee...i <3 his hair.very nice.at least collin looked less like an ah beng with his specs on.we killed time by making poems up.haha.fun ah.considering the fact tt we were under well,quite stressfull conditions.i had horrible cramps though.was groaning and moaning about it.then during the 1hr break,me kx deb collin yuvan and widji were hanging out together and we were well,talking about menses.there were some really funny jokes specially when collin went,'eh,the eggs got shell not?' and kx actions on how to get the egg to come out of the fallopian tube.(: i laughed so loud that cikgu and mrs wadhwani turned and stared!hahah.but i cldnt be bothered.ib's b-dae is tomorrow and she received the best gift ever! :P and the weird part was when tt happened.*gosh
never thought they'd be interested to know.weird.ohwells.
i just knew that the menstrual pills was a really nice pink colour.haha.so outdated
*toodles
11.8.04
adam
I sat and stared at the fading sun,thepinkish red glow painting the darkening sky.the golden ball of flame sanked down into the horizon pulling along with it all the happiness and cheer.The wind it blew,strong and biting.but i felt nothing.the numbness was overwhelmin,suffocating,stuffling.
i had sat and seen my best friend suffer.i felt so helpless,unable to do anything.all i could do was to talk to him,sing to him and hopethat my words and songs might travel through the dark tunnel and reach him,to awaken him,to help him find his way back.But what are words and songs if it could not bring him back? what are words and songs but empty promises that do not deliver.octors said that he was in critical condition and there was no determining if or how fast he would be able to recover.if he does not,then me and his family would have to bear the crippling burden of grief and sorrow.
me and adam went way back.Aam was the first friend i made.he was a born comedianne.he could always find the right words to say to lift me up,to encourage me,to console me.but he was mean too.he pulled my pigtails,destroyed my sandcastles and interrogated my first date.he was there when i solemnly buried my pet fish and immediately bought me another one-it was his fault that the fish died.
and he was there when i broke my arm-he pushed me down a tree.
i,on the other hand,was adams pillar.he leaned on me when he was down.he aint tt strong,my adam.i could remember countless times where he would flash our secret code and i would come and meet him by the dock where i would listen to him talk.sometimes,we had the most intellectual and thought provoking conversations,sometimes,we talk about the latest girl or guy that we had dated and sometimes,no words had to be spoken.we would just sit and bask in the night glory and each other's presence.
now in our 18 year of friendship,adam and i had gone through so much.i remembered the time when we had our first big blow out. i was in his dorm room at college when i spotted the bag containing those offensive pills.i was gripped with shock and i could not believe that i had actually found this offensive bag of pills in adam's room. when he appeared,i could not help but scream at him.
"what's this?"
"oh shit"
"what do u mean oh shit adam? what are these? what is wrong with you? is this why u have been asking me for money? to support your addiction? how could u adam?"
i remembered that i could not control the rage i felt.i felt like hitting someone.i just stalked out of the room and took a walk.subconsciously,i found myself at my favourite spot.
i found the spot during my first year in college.its just a bench facing a pond and not many people know about it.it was here that i found tranquility when i had just had a hectic day. and it was here that i found a familiar figure waiting for me.
"i'm so sorry soph..they..those pills..they are not mine..they.."
"don't even think of lying adam.why?why the pills?how did u get them?"
"i was at a party..and someone shoved it into my palm..and the next thing i knew.."
i just stood and stared at him.
"are u going to go get help?"
"no soph!i'm not addicted or anything.."
"not addicted?are you nuts? do you know what these things do to you? do u not remember those talks that we had in high school? those gory pictures?the pact that we made? a pact adam! a pact! how could u have forgotten?"
"soph..i dont know what has come over me.the college life..the guys..the girls...its so different.here,i feel as though i cant make a decision without having a dozen different guys sharing their blasted opinions with me.when i took the drugs,i felt freer,lighter,and i would be enveloped in this foggy haze..its incredible..but..i know...soph..i'm so sorry.."
"it's ohkay adam..just..just throw the pills away k? u should have come to talk to me.i'm so sorry that i havent been seeing much of u lately..what with all those guys standing in line to date me."
he laughed and to my great relief,threw the bag of pills into the pond.
that scary episode only served to make me and adam closer.we always made a point to meet up and chat.one day,he wanted to go back to meet his parents.he invited me along but i declined.i had a huge pile of work to do and i though i had better make a dent in it.
the day that adam was due to go,i woke up with a strange feeling.he left early in the morning and i did not have a chance to say goodbye.it would be a 10 hour drive and he wanted to get home before dark.all day long,i could not concentrate.i kept thinking of adam and how he might be in danger.i tried calling his cellphone but to no avail.i tried his parents house and no one picked up too.
"c'mon soph,get a grip,he's ohkay.now get your ass to your study table and start cracking."
no sooner had i sat on the chair for two minutes when the phone rang again.
"adam?"
"no sophia..its me..Kate
" what's wrong?is adam ohkay?"
"no sophia,actually..he got into a car accident.he's in critical condition now"
oh god..i knew something was going to happen.
"ohkay..i'm coming."
i drove like a mad woman to the hospital.it's amazing that i was not involved in an accident and ended up on the bed next to adam.oh god..let him be okay.
i..i never really liked hospitals.that sickly green painted walls and the sight of death and decay alwas made my stomach queasy.and that slightly medicated smell.The nurses look harassed and the doctors look as thought they are surviving on two hours of sleep and countless cups of coffee.
when i reaced the icu,gasped.i never knew that adam,my big,strong,handsome,youthful adam could be reduced to a limp rag doll.his head and most of his body was covered in bandages.countless machines were hooked onto him to ensure his survival.it was so depressing.
Doctors said that he was in a deep coma and chances of him ever recovering was slim.i spent countless hours sitting by him.singing,talking,stroking,praying,but he never responded.his mom took his accident the worse.she could not bear to come and see him as each time,she would only break down and cry.friends came by with cards and balloons.families came by offering warmth,hugs and comfort.
reports from doctors only said that adam was neither here nor there.then one day,the inevitable happened.
the doctors called us into his office.
"mr and mrs summers,your son adam,he is practically a vegetable.the accident hit him at critical areas and recent test has shown that he is brain dead.right now,what is keeping him alive are those machines.his life,is in your hands.if u choose to keep him on those machines,and if he happens to recover,which are probably slim,he would be heavily dependable on you for the rest of his life.if you wish to end his pain,i was hoping that u might allow us to take his organs and use it in part of our organ transplant programme."
i spoke up then,
"if u do wish to stop his treatment,i just wanted to let u know that me and adam,we had already signed up for this programme.u remember dont u? adam said that he wanted to leave a bit of him behind if he went? his form should be in his room."
the decision was made then.that night,we called everyone down to say goodbye to adam. the priest came to perform the last rites and when it all ended,not a dry eye was in sight.the funeral was to be held tomorrow at the family church.
that was two days ago.now,i sat on the bench,overlooking the beach.on one of our many nightly talks,adam and i had discussed how we wanted our funeral to be .i had laughed at the idea but adam was dead serious about it.and i'm glad he was.it seemed right to give him the funeral he wanted.adam chose to be cremated. he had joked that if he were to give his organs to someone else,he will not be whole and would therefore prefer to be cremated.
everyone was subduded at the funeral.i gave my eulogy through pictures rather than words.it was an old video scrap book that i had made for adam for his 16th birthday.there,it captured the essence of adam and our friendship.
As his last wish,adam wanted his ashes to be thrown into the sea.he was always a water guy and was at ease most in the water.he was the one who taught me how to swim and scuba dive.i really do miss adam.The night before,i cried so much that it hurts.i kept recalling all those moments that we had shared together.adam was essentially me.he kept me together.how was i going to survive without him? how would the family survive?he had always been the constant light in my darkening world.he was always there.now,he's gone and the light of my life had been snubbed out.i felt so utterly lost and i could not convey the deep emotions runnin through me.
i stood and carried his urn.his parent had left the job to me as they were not able to handle it.they drove me here and then waited in the car.as i threw the ashes in the sea,i could not help but feel as though a part of me had been torn apart and ripped into pieces.i felt as though i could not ever be whole again.How could i? when my twin brother had just left me all alone to face the ugly wicked world.
bamboo street
a friendship is beautiful when it is new.this is the stage where u start to learn everything about the other.u joke,u laugh,u share.but as time progresses,u share less,joke less,laugh less.there's this void in which u cant fill up or bridge over.its sad cos i thought it could last.its sad cos i thought u'd be there.but it aint.everything's getting too awkward know.no one knows what to say and there seem to be no more subject on which we can talk about.thank god for the time u were there.
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today was infinitely a-ohkay!thought it was going to be a bad day but it turned out to be fine.copied through my a-maths homework,lied my way through geography test and then sit and sembang during mother tongue period.dint do the debate cos cikgu was abit reluctant too also.sit and talked about whether we would retake the mt o-levels.i think i would if i don't get my 1.cos if i don't and if i don't retake,the question 'what if..' would be bugging me for the rest of the year.then went for lunch with arafah and sharifah.went to bk at first but ended up at long john.sharifah told this really disgusting joke which had to do with a soldier,his shit and one piece of toliet paper.she told the joke complete with actions some more.betulnyer semangat ah babe! (:
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tomorrow is my eng o-level.not really worried about it though.heh.met thad on the bus and he said tt the examiners were ohkay.so i'm crossing my fingers and hoping for the best! (x
it's really gonna be scary though to get results tomorrow.dear god,i hope i'd did ok.just now took 28.the bus driver nearly injured a dear old girl! i don't know how he could have not noticed that pple were still alighting from the bus!he just drove off like tt and the poor girl screamed.thank god no one was injured.if there was,there would be some serious drama-mama going on.
yuvan loaned me a garfield book.if he'd showed it to bryna,i'd bet she'd love him forever! lol. :p
*toodles
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today was infinitely a-ohkay!thought it was going to be a bad day but it turned out to be fine.copied through my a-maths homework,lied my way through geography test and then sit and sembang during mother tongue period.dint do the debate cos cikgu was abit reluctant too also.sit and talked about whether we would retake the mt o-levels.i think i would if i don't get my 1.cos if i don't and if i don't retake,the question 'what if..' would be bugging me for the rest of the year.then went for lunch with arafah and sharifah.went to bk at first but ended up at long john.sharifah told this really disgusting joke which had to do with a soldier,his shit and one piece of toliet paper.she told the joke complete with actions some more.betulnyer semangat ah babe! (:
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tomorrow is my eng o-level.not really worried about it though.heh.met thad on the bus and he said tt the examiners were ohkay.so i'm crossing my fingers and hoping for the best! (x
it's really gonna be scary though to get results tomorrow.dear god,i hope i'd did ok.just now took 28.the bus driver nearly injured a dear old girl! i don't know how he could have not noticed that pple were still alighting from the bus!he just drove off like tt and the poor girl screamed.thank god no one was injured.if there was,there would be some serious drama-mama going on.
yuvan loaned me a garfield book.if he'd showed it to bryna,i'd bet she'd love him forever! lol. :p
*toodles
10.8.04
big bang
i have so many things to say.these past few days,thoughts just keep on filtering in and i just have to go,i have to write this down.so bear with me.
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i'm dead meat today.i think i am swamped with work but i am not making an effort in trying to finish it up.which is bad in a way i guess.i mean i have the a-maths paper to finish,not to mention the maths test geog test chem test and of course the release of results.i managed to forget it until i read it somewhere while i was blog hopping.pish posh.i'm scared.
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yesterday was ndp.i so wanted to see the fireworks.but no,i just saw it on tv!sheesh.i like seeing the fireworks cos it kind of reminds me of the besuty of life.it just fills u up with a sense of hope like ure in awe when u see those coloured sparks of life lighting up the dark sky.it's wonderful.i remembered spending last year ndp with astri.it was fun.we just hanged out outside the stadium and ate junk while waiting for the fireworks to start.but the crowd of pple.sheesh.
well,staying at home wasn't a bad thing.watched singapore idol.it was pretty entertaining.heh.the guy that sang careless whisper..so weird.haha.never knew that singaporeans could be so thick skinned.hahaha.i liked the name alistair though.hmmm
then i watched neon.in which i saw DANNY.haha.i'm obsessed over him.so lame.but what to do.i need someone interesting in my life.hmmm,what else.that night,i went to bed full of dread.
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today,i tagged along with my bro and his teacher to go watch the village.i can't believed i spent my day hanging out with two 11 year olds,one 14 year old and one lady who might just be slightly younger than my mom.hah.and she used to be my teacher.howells.the movie was a-ohkay.i mean the suspense and all that is there but the ending is a bit well,disappointing.hmmm..but it was good! i had ice cream in the end.hahah.it was caramel cone explosion.really good ice cream.yayness.
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i'm gonna be really grateful to my bro's teacher though.she has made a decision to try to change my bro attitude.i'm grateful because she is willing to try.if i were her,i would have given up on my brother long ago but she is still willing to help.she said it's because he reminds her of herself.well.to each his own i guess.i really hope my bro would be able to change.it would be pleasent to talk to him for once without fighting.(:
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what else..mm..i enjoyed sitting down for dinner with my family.its so nice.ahahaha.but alot of bad things has been going on recently though.specially with my cousins.its amazing how u really find out the true colours of a person when u start working with them.its a bit scary and sad to know that bit by bit my cousins are all falling apart.what surface now makes the past seem like a facade.i'm afraid of the future and what it would bring to me.and i'm afraid of the past.and i'm afraid of death.i just realised that i am afraid of many things.things are always changing.some good,some bad.makes u wonder if u really have the strength to see it through.
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there was an article in the paper that day on the ladybird peter and jane books.i used to remember i had a huge collection of em.the words were so simple and the pictures.and also my enid blyton collection.i also remembered how once,i wanted the whole series of mr men and little miss.*sigh
the past.it seems so far away when all ure day was filled with sunshine and smiles.i remembered my dad bought me the this book.it was abit difficult to understand and i think he threw it away.now,i wish he didn't.i think it was on the chronicles of naina (?).and how my mom bought me this roald dahl collection only to be again,thrown out.haha.he threw away so many of my books.it's so sad.ohwells.
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its almost maghrib.i havent been taking care of myself recently.have been coughing and coughing.my throat feels so sore.oh no.tomorrow bahas.die.
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i'm dead meat today.i think i am swamped with work but i am not making an effort in trying to finish it up.which is bad in a way i guess.i mean i have the a-maths paper to finish,not to mention the maths test geog test chem test and of course the release of results.i managed to forget it until i read it somewhere while i was blog hopping.pish posh.i'm scared.
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yesterday was ndp.i so wanted to see the fireworks.but no,i just saw it on tv!sheesh.i like seeing the fireworks cos it kind of reminds me of the besuty of life.it just fills u up with a sense of hope like ure in awe when u see those coloured sparks of life lighting up the dark sky.it's wonderful.i remembered spending last year ndp with astri.it was fun.we just hanged out outside the stadium and ate junk while waiting for the fireworks to start.but the crowd of pple.sheesh.
well,staying at home wasn't a bad thing.watched singapore idol.it was pretty entertaining.heh.the guy that sang careless whisper..so weird.haha.never knew that singaporeans could be so thick skinned.hahaha.i liked the name alistair though.hmmm
then i watched neon.in which i saw DANNY.haha.i'm obsessed over him.so lame.but what to do.i need someone interesting in my life.hmmm,what else.that night,i went to bed full of dread.
-
today,i tagged along with my bro and his teacher to go watch the village.i can't believed i spent my day hanging out with two 11 year olds,one 14 year old and one lady who might just be slightly younger than my mom.hah.and she used to be my teacher.howells.the movie was a-ohkay.i mean the suspense and all that is there but the ending is a bit well,disappointing.hmmm..but it was good! i had ice cream in the end.hahah.it was caramel cone explosion.really good ice cream.yayness.
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i'm gonna be really grateful to my bro's teacher though.she has made a decision to try to change my bro attitude.i'm grateful because she is willing to try.if i were her,i would have given up on my brother long ago but she is still willing to help.she said it's because he reminds her of herself.well.to each his own i guess.i really hope my bro would be able to change.it would be pleasent to talk to him for once without fighting.(:
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what else..mm..i enjoyed sitting down for dinner with my family.its so nice.ahahaha.but alot of bad things has been going on recently though.specially with my cousins.its amazing how u really find out the true colours of a person when u start working with them.its a bit scary and sad to know that bit by bit my cousins are all falling apart.what surface now makes the past seem like a facade.i'm afraid of the future and what it would bring to me.and i'm afraid of the past.and i'm afraid of death.i just realised that i am afraid of many things.things are always changing.some good,some bad.makes u wonder if u really have the strength to see it through.
-
there was an article in the paper that day on the ladybird peter and jane books.i used to remember i had a huge collection of em.the words were so simple and the pictures.and also my enid blyton collection.i also remembered how once,i wanted the whole series of mr men and little miss.*sigh
the past.it seems so far away when all ure day was filled with sunshine and smiles.i remembered my dad bought me the this book.it was abit difficult to understand and i think he threw it away.now,i wish he didn't.i think it was on the chronicles of naina (?).and how my mom bought me this roald dahl collection only to be again,thrown out.haha.he threw away so many of my books.it's so sad.ohwells.
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its almost maghrib.i havent been taking care of myself recently.have been coughing and coughing.my throat feels so sore.oh no.tomorrow bahas.die.
6.8.04
seri dewi malam
mmm..let's try to make this into a short one.no,scratch tt.i can't do short.i do long.*two minutes in front and two minutes behind*
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well,let's see,today was well,fun fun fun! (:
yup.we had ndp celebration which was superb.or may be it was the company i was with.hah.everyone sitting behind was like laughing and shouting and bobbing around and also shouting, 'anti-avrail' cos of a certain girl who dressed like avrail but was dancing to a hip-hop song.hah.sucker.
but the striped socks were nice though.ooops,i missed the movie i so wanted watch.who knew demi moore could looks so good?oh well.
let's see
mmm...
first up we had the thingy at the parade square,where everyone was required to stand and sing.then it was up to the hall where we sang songs and enjoyed the concert.the d&d modern dance was nice.i like those white costumes and different coloured sashes.it was very elegant!yummy.then it was the M1 gang.ahahaha.bunch of gays.we were groaning in despair in their weak attmepts in dance moves.hahaha.i remembered seeing em practicing during chem lessons.it was hillarious.hah.and everyone was decked out in a red shirt or their traditional costumes.wq and may looked great in their cheongsams.yup,basically it was laugh here laugh there.sing here sing there.shout here shout there.hah.nniiicceeeee! <3
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i met nazimah to go and get the vcd.we ate lunch at banquet and she said the sweetest thing! (:
and we had dessert tooo.it was very fullling.and we saw a bag that cost 29.90.we could have gotten it at bugis village for much much much cheaper!and then and then and then!hahah
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we were walking towards the sakura restraunt where they have some of the cutest waiters.hah.so i was walking when i happened to see the guy that i fancied sitting inside the restraunt with his friends.so i was like "itu dia,itu dia" when he turned round as though he heard me!hahah.it was so funny and embarrassing.but heck.eh,come to think of it,he ain't that cute.but the food is nice though.nazimah said that he turned maybe cos he heard me saying that line and i was like'wwhhhaattt?'but he smiled though.lol.(:
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ahhhhh..i finally got to watch the vcd.it's really beautiful but its abit like 'ghost'.i think if i were to like really sit down and watch it,i'll tear more.as it was,i was doing the ironing and the vcd was playing havoc.sheesh.but its so nice nice nice.but danny looked liked a typical malaysian mat.but it was so sweet.so nice.it had the kind of feel like 'simply irrisistable' had.i so heart tt show.really showed you what love is really about.
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me and my bro are so not on speaking terms.somtimes i hate him so much.i think i screamed too loudly at him today and the neighbours heard.heck.never before had i cursed him till like now.i really should stop.but he just angers me so much that i feel like strangling him.its so infuriating!hah.
going for a picnic tomorrow.and then it's off to watch the village
yayness!
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love is all around me and so the feeling goes.
have i mentioned how cute the front man of 'the rooneys' is?well.HE IS!all that gorgeous silky hair.and i'm reading a nice book too!haha.simon and the great oaks.it's interesting.very wonderfully descripted.
*toodles
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well,let's see,today was well,fun fun fun! (:
yup.we had ndp celebration which was superb.or may be it was the company i was with.hah.everyone sitting behind was like laughing and shouting and bobbing around and also shouting, 'anti-avrail' cos of a certain girl who dressed like avrail but was dancing to a hip-hop song.hah.sucker.
but the striped socks were nice though.ooops,i missed the movie i so wanted watch.who knew demi moore could looks so good?oh well.
let's see
mmm...
first up we had the thingy at the parade square,where everyone was required to stand and sing.then it was up to the hall where we sang songs and enjoyed the concert.the d&d modern dance was nice.i like those white costumes and different coloured sashes.it was very elegant!yummy.then it was the M1 gang.ahahaha.bunch of gays.we were groaning in despair in their weak attmepts in dance moves.hahaha.i remembered seeing em practicing during chem lessons.it was hillarious.hah.and everyone was decked out in a red shirt or their traditional costumes.wq and may looked great in their cheongsams.yup,basically it was laugh here laugh there.sing here sing there.shout here shout there.hah.nniiicceeeee! <3
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i met nazimah to go and get the vcd.we ate lunch at banquet and she said the sweetest thing! (:
and we had dessert tooo.it was very fullling.and we saw a bag that cost 29.90.we could have gotten it at bugis village for much much much cheaper!and then and then and then!hahah
-
we were walking towards the sakura restraunt where they have some of the cutest waiters.hah.so i was walking when i happened to see the guy that i fancied sitting inside the restraunt with his friends.so i was like "itu dia,itu dia" when he turned round as though he heard me!hahah.it was so funny and embarrassing.but heck.eh,come to think of it,he ain't that cute.but the food is nice though.nazimah said that he turned maybe cos he heard me saying that line and i was like'wwhhhaattt?'but he smiled though.lol.(:
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ahhhhh..i finally got to watch the vcd.it's really beautiful but its abit like 'ghost'.i think if i were to like really sit down and watch it,i'll tear more.as it was,i was doing the ironing and the vcd was playing havoc.sheesh.but its so nice nice nice.but danny looked liked a typical malaysian mat.but it was so sweet.so nice.it had the kind of feel like 'simply irrisistable' had.i so heart tt show.really showed you what love is really about.
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me and my bro are so not on speaking terms.somtimes i hate him so much.i think i screamed too loudly at him today and the neighbours heard.heck.never before had i cursed him till like now.i really should stop.but he just angers me so much that i feel like strangling him.its so infuriating!hah.
going for a picnic tomorrow.and then it's off to watch the village
yayness!
-
love is all around me and so the feeling goes.
have i mentioned how cute the front man of 'the rooneys' is?well.HE IS!all that gorgeous silky hair.and i'm reading a nice book too!haha.simon and the great oaks.it's interesting.very wonderfully descripted.
*toodles
5.8.04
feet together knees straight!
ahaha..had health check today.the nurse was so kiasu.why u so slow? ahaha..nothing better to do.i thought she was a nice sweet lady.but apparently NOT! (:
and up yours too man
blergh.
i dunno how someone can diss their friends so publicly.don't they have a guilty conscience?heh.sccaaarrrrryyyyy.howells.i have no guts.
even though i am dispeleased about something,i'll keep it to myself.or at least complain to arafah.hah.she keeps calling herself r.fah.ahaha.hip-hopper?ick.i'll kill her.but she aint.*phew.
wq was so cute..she went,nad,if u dye ure hair or turn punk,i'll faint.ahaha.well dearie,who knows? (:
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i wonder why __ and i are not so close anymore.and no,i'm not talking about the above pple there.its so weird.but right now,i feel that i just can't click.maybe its me and me being too sensitive.but somehow,some of her words,just kinda makes me feel weird.she makes me feel that i am beneath her.but i'm not.i dont feel inferior,but somehow,it feels as though i am competing with her.wonder if she feels it too.but no.some pple are just too lost in their selfs.weird.
but still,sometimes i try to make an effort to talk,to understand,to get things the way it was before.but it's just too damn hard.like,eerrggghhh.i really don't know how to say it.i just feel so uncomfortable.things arent the way it was anymore.hah.pish-posh
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please just dont play with me
my paper heart will bleed
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yeah,but why?i wish i could talk to her.but i think she'll just get all defensive and instead of making things better,it'll only get worst.i'm in no mood to lose my friends right now.i wonder what i'll do..
*ponders
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ah!must wear red t-shirt tomorrow.oh no h2o.ahaha.i heart chem.specially practical.its so fun!whhheeeeeeeee
oooohhh..astri's birthday is tommoorrroowwwww...!
mine is in one month's time!heh
and up yours too man
blergh.
i dunno how someone can diss their friends so publicly.don't they have a guilty conscience?heh.sccaaarrrrryyyyy.howells.i have no guts.
even though i am dispeleased about something,i'll keep it to myself.or at least complain to arafah.hah.she keeps calling herself r.fah.ahaha.hip-hopper?ick.i'll kill her.but she aint.*phew.
wq was so cute..she went,nad,if u dye ure hair or turn punk,i'll faint.ahaha.well dearie,who knows? (:
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i wonder why __ and i are not so close anymore.and no,i'm not talking about the above pple there.its so weird.but right now,i feel that i just can't click.maybe its me and me being too sensitive.but somehow,some of her words,just kinda makes me feel weird.she makes me feel that i am beneath her.but i'm not.i dont feel inferior,but somehow,it feels as though i am competing with her.wonder if she feels it too.but no.some pple are just too lost in their selfs.weird.
but still,sometimes i try to make an effort to talk,to understand,to get things the way it was before.but it's just too damn hard.like,eerrggghhh.i really don't know how to say it.i just feel so uncomfortable.things arent the way it was anymore.hah.pish-posh
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please just dont play with me
my paper heart will bleed
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yeah,but why?i wish i could talk to her.but i think she'll just get all defensive and instead of making things better,it'll only get worst.i'm in no mood to lose my friends right now.i wonder what i'll do..
*ponders
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ah!must wear red t-shirt tomorrow.oh no h2o.ahaha.i heart chem.specially practical.its so fun!whhheeeeeeeee
oooohhh..astri's birthday is tommoorrroowwwww...!
mine is in one month's time!heh
3.8.04
*koff-koff*
gah.tuition soon.still havent done p and c.nvm.i dont understand it anyway.nanananna.i still can't find info on the bahas stuffs! die lah.i was never good at research anyway.nanan.so sad.
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imagine living with the guilt of knowing that u had ended someone's life. ):
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imagine living with the guilt of knowing that u had ended someone's life. ):
1.8.04
bah
taking advantage for awhile.i think its getting to me,this bloggin thingy.found another way to talk to myself.and besides,with this,i wont have to burn it.just bang it into the wall and *poof* it'll be gone.shheeesssshhh
just got back from interchange.spose to get tt blasted vcd but nooo..nazimah had to cancel out on me.i hope i geddit soon.i hope i geddit fast.my atm is empty.i overspend.mom's gonna kill me.like real fast.sigh..not my fault right? ihadtogetsomanythingswhichincludedtwocds.*oops*
i think ms ho hates me.gah.i hate her too.she was wearing all purple.what is she?sexually deprived?gay?gosh..and deb was like "but i like purple.hah"
i have a new cme teacher.he has a weird hair and is balding.i wished he shaved off his hair.then he won't look so funny.plus,he has on this really thick specs.like real thick and real big.his eyes are so miniscule!gah.nothing much ah..oh yeah
PHOTO TAKING
ahaha..everyone was rushing off towards the toilet.the background was infront of the office.and it was raining.freaking c-o-l-d.gah
what is? i think msn is screwed.or maybe i am.the mee siam is not nice and the mars bar made me sick.bah hambug.still have to go and get astri a b-dae gift.so broke!wheee...i have many more rubber bands! yayness..and the pple..they are gone.sigh,no more topless man with nice biceps walking round the house.howells.
i have been having weird thoughts.agggaaaiiinnnn.aarrgghhh.oh gosh.out.out.ooouutttt..i asked sheila if she knew what was atikah mail add and she said no.gosh.so now,who is tt person.gah gah gah.
mmmmm..ooohh,in the papers yesterday,there was a story featured on this girl who had liked no eyes,no nose.she used to be quite good looking but after a horrible accident,she was left looking,well,empty.but she's getting a full face plastic surgery i think.i mean,she's gonna get another persons face.as in from a corpse.oh gosh,that would be so scary.can u imagine if u knew the deceased and u happened to see that face again?gah..scary.gosh.i need to find someone to talk about it.it's weird.but what i was amazed with was that the girl,she's not bitter.she has come to accept her fate.she's really strong.gosh.i hope she gets her features back.
i have sooo manyy things to do!pish-posh.bloody ass.gaaaaahhhhh.i hope no tuition tomorrow.so lazy.aaarrgghh.and kx is turning over a new leaf.gosh,i better do it too.
toodles*
just got back from interchange.spose to get tt blasted vcd but nooo..nazimah had to cancel out on me.i hope i geddit soon.i hope i geddit fast.my atm is empty.i overspend.mom's gonna kill me.like real fast.sigh..not my fault right? ihadtogetsomanythingswhichincludedtwocds.*oops*
i think ms ho hates me.gah.i hate her too.she was wearing all purple.what is she?sexually deprived?gay?gosh..and deb was like "but i like purple.hah"
i have a new cme teacher.he has a weird hair and is balding.i wished he shaved off his hair.then he won't look so funny.plus,he has on this really thick specs.like real thick and real big.his eyes are so miniscule!gah.nothing much ah..oh yeah
PHOTO TAKING
ahaha..everyone was rushing off towards the toilet.the background was infront of the office.and it was raining.freaking c-o-l-d.gah
what is? i think msn is screwed.or maybe i am.the mee siam is not nice and the mars bar made me sick.bah hambug.still have to go and get astri a b-dae gift.so broke!wheee...i have many more rubber bands! yayness..and the pple..they are gone.sigh,no more topless man with nice biceps walking round the house.howells.
i have been having weird thoughts.agggaaaiiinnnn.aarrgghhh.oh gosh.out.out.ooouutttt..i asked sheila if she knew what was atikah mail add and she said no.gosh.so now,who is tt person.gah gah gah.
mmmmm..ooohh,in the papers yesterday,there was a story featured on this girl who had liked no eyes,no nose.she used to be quite good looking but after a horrible accident,she was left looking,well,empty.but she's getting a full face plastic surgery i think.i mean,she's gonna get another persons face.as in from a corpse.oh gosh,that would be so scary.can u imagine if u knew the deceased and u happened to see that face again?gah..scary.gosh.i need to find someone to talk about it.it's weird.but what i was amazed with was that the girl,she's not bitter.she has come to accept her fate.she's really strong.gosh.i hope she gets her features back.
i have sooo manyy things to do!pish-posh.bloody ass.gaaaaahhhhh.i hope no tuition tomorrow.so lazy.aaarrgghh.and kx is turning over a new leaf.gosh,i better do it too.
toodles*
bah
boo!i just got back from parkway-way.the place is getting way too crowded i tell ya.it used to be so empty,and now,there's even an increase in the number of mats with their tapered pants and blond hair! gah. actually,i think i wrote longer but the comp re-started by itself.sheesh.modernised technology.can't stand it,can't live with it.i swear,one of this days i'll get a comp that does not shut down on me!pish-posh.
still have e-maths paper to do.so lazy.nvm ah.tan degraded us again! wheee..some things never change.
i so love yellowcard's breathing.the violin sounds are wonderful.its the same chord ah over and over again.but its nice.very..very..i dunno ah,can't seem to describe it.but i <3 it.alot.
my bor has very very stinky feet.it's stinking up the whole house right now.sheesh.
mmmmm...i wanted to watch one true thing but i fell asleep.last night i slept for so long it was scary.gah.slept round 7 and only woke up in time to hear my mom shout at my bro for being late.gah.
so much for always being on time.
on sat,i helped my mom at my uncles restraunt.i accidentally switched off one of the main lights and the whole place was dark.and it was full of customers! i swear i wanted to dig a hole and bury myself ten feet deep.gah.so malu!heh..then buat muker slumber ah.
bah humbug
i have a sudden interest in watching harry potter again!ahah.but nvm,i'm getting a vcd tommorrow!whheee..arafah thinks its sad i have a huge crush on danny but so what?he's cute,way cute.yummylicious
this person,sinar_cahaya?keep thinking its mister bus stop but can't be right? i mean,its been a year.and so many thoughts keep on filtering into this empty head.abit scary ah but forget it lah.and i have yet to watch shrek two.might be atikah though.gosh.pish-posh
i wanna go beach!and it's raining.been having weird dreams though but each time i wake up,i dont seem to remember it.just now,it was about me and taking the wrong bus to go to school.it ended up with me in a bus with a bunch of handicapped pple.even mister yishun jc had a part in it! gah.hah.ooohh..talking about tt,i have the number! not yishun jc but the other one! ahaha..they were so nice,memorising it for me.gosh..
talking about tt,i wish they end up together.it's about time.(:
and i missed gilmore again! so not fair.bah hambug.
still have e-maths paper to do.so lazy.nvm ah.tan degraded us again! wheee..some things never change.
i so love yellowcard's breathing.the violin sounds are wonderful.its the same chord ah over and over again.but its nice.very..very..i dunno ah,can't seem to describe it.but i <3 it.alot.
my bor has very very stinky feet.it's stinking up the whole house right now.sheesh.
mmmmm...i wanted to watch one true thing but i fell asleep.last night i slept for so long it was scary.gah.slept round 7 and only woke up in time to hear my mom shout at my bro for being late.gah.
so much for always being on time.
on sat,i helped my mom at my uncles restraunt.i accidentally switched off one of the main lights and the whole place was dark.and it was full of customers! i swear i wanted to dig a hole and bury myself ten feet deep.gah.so malu!heh..then buat muker slumber ah.
bah humbug
i have a sudden interest in watching harry potter again!ahah.but nvm,i'm getting a vcd tommorrow!whheee..arafah thinks its sad i have a huge crush on danny but so what?he's cute,way cute.yummylicious
this person,sinar_cahaya?keep thinking its mister bus stop but can't be right? i mean,its been a year.and so many thoughts keep on filtering into this empty head.abit scary ah but forget it lah.and i have yet to watch shrek two.might be atikah though.gosh.pish-posh
i wanna go beach!and it's raining.been having weird dreams though but each time i wake up,i dont seem to remember it.just now,it was about me and taking the wrong bus to go to school.it ended up with me in a bus with a bunch of handicapped pple.even mister yishun jc had a part in it! gah.hah.ooohh..talking about tt,i have the number! not yishun jc but the other one! ahaha..they were so nice,memorising it for me.gosh..
talking about tt,i wish they end up together.it's about time.(:
and i missed gilmore again! so not fair.bah hambug.
breathing-yellowcard
Eyes are feeling heavy but they never seem to close
The fan blades on the ceiling spin but the air is never cold
And even though you are next to me I still feel so alone
I just can't give you anything for you to call your own
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight
Something I've been keeping locked away behind my lips
I can feel it breaking free with each and every kiss
I couldn't bear to hurt you but it's all so different now
Things that I was sure of, they have filled me up with doubt
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight
I can feel you breathing
It's keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart? It's always beating.
Sinking like a weight
How am I supposed to feel about the things I've done?
I don't know if I should stay or turn around and run
I know that I hurt you, things will never be the same
The only love I ever knew, I threw it all away
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight
I can feel you breathing
It's keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart? It's always beating.
Sinking like a weight
The fan blades on the ceiling spin but the air is never cold
And even though you are next to me I still feel so alone
I just can't give you anything for you to call your own
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight
Something I've been keeping locked away behind my lips
I can feel it breaking free with each and every kiss
I couldn't bear to hurt you but it's all so different now
Things that I was sure of, they have filled me up with doubt
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight
I can feel you breathing
It's keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart? It's always beating.
Sinking like a weight
How am I supposed to feel about the things I've done?
I don't know if I should stay or turn around and run
I know that I hurt you, things will never be the same
The only love I ever knew, I threw it all away
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight
I can feel you breathing
It's keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart? It's always beating.
Sinking like a weight
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