141

i cant get to sleep. my body clock is so screwed that i'm not sure if i'll be awake tomorrow morning or not.
i had great fun today. went to little india with the photog group than we headed to sentosa where me and kaman saw an extremely hot moody guy in black shorts and sunglasses. took a bunch of photos of some mats skimming and some caucasion kids. saw a dead snake too!

i was asleep but i awoke cause i realised that i was talking in my sleep. i was saying 'i'll just play at the escalators than'.
what's up with me and escalators? oh well. it was a weird dream of me being at wtc and meeting some extremely weird looking people.
off to do the essays than

cheerios

140

dont ask why but i dreamt of questal and scuba diving and fishes swimming so close you can open your mouth and one of them will swim in and rum flavoured escalators and finding out your hotel room doesn't really exist.

and wanqi, HOORAY! <333

139

now that all the great men in boybands are married, it's abit sad aint it?
it seems to be ages ago when i and the bestie went apes over boybands. who can forget shane and kian who seems a tad gay these days.
though they are not as big as they used to be, i still feel a twinge when i hear their songs or see their faces.
i always fantasised that the ladys who married these men had a whirlwind romance like those straight out of romance novels. where the man would do anything for the girl and they are in love like nuts. because what else can i do but dream?
wipe the silly grin off your face now, nad. ((:

but thankfully, over the ages, our musical taste has grown. now its no more westlife or bsb its hello to rock and punk and coldplay. gone are the days where we would exchange posters and blab and memorise and sing their songs together. though the singing of songs still remain, what with tp playing bob bob baby. the good old times, the good old days.

the new year is coming up in 2 days now. i have to say that 2005 has been a pretty up and down year. though i can't honestly say it was the best, the year has been great with a lot of firsts for me.
it was
the first time
-i travelled to somewhere outside of asia, perth
-had a family member die
-slept over in a hospital
-had surgery
-took o-level results
-worked
and i'm sure more that i cant just seem to think off right now. 2005 also marked the first year in poly, of leaving that comfortable cocoon of secondary school and strict routines.
i'm finally on my own now, at my own pace and thought i cant say i'm struggling, i'm hanging on. keeping my head above the water.
2005 has also been a great year for friends. lotsa laughs and photo taking. of just hanging out and spoling camera film. it was also a year where me and mom and dad had the most fights. i realised that now, with me growing up, i tend to see how far i can push their buttons. and with mom off to work, it's hello housework to me. i dont relate to her as much as when i was in sec school. it's rare when me and her can just hang out.
my birthday was a blast too this year. of walking and eating desserts and how i know wanqi will always always be there for me. my anchor remember? i love you. <3
and my great birthday gifts the trip and the dessert and the lamp. and the time spent with me and the birthday wishes that i had.from people that i havent heard for years!

and the best bit of 2005 was knowing that i am still able to keep in touch with my sec school friends. they mean alot to me. there are tons of memories with these people who i hope will be there for me every step of the way and vice verca. of long talks and long walks and tight hugs and i love yous. of just being silly and knowing that whatever happens, they will always be there. no questions asked.

it seems as though 2006 will never get here, but what do you know, just a few more hours till than. i never thought i will see this through. that i wll be 18 and than married. (:
and than of course, comes the realisation that qiamat is really coming. it's drawing closer and i feel anxious and yet, i'm complacent. it scares and yet intiruges (?) me at the same time. the future just seems to be like a huge block of greyness. like i have to look ahead but yeah, i'm scared. i mean the world is so old already. how long more will it take before entire countries get flooded as alaska melts. how many people will die and suffer. the future, it's not all glittery and gold. it's dark and disturbing and scary, more than anything.

136

and a happy birthday to the babe who always makes me laugh, makes me feel less guilty for eating, makes me walk for mileeesssss to find a pair of shoes that she in the end didnt end up buying and who's going to spend the new year with me, in KL for a hopefully kick ass concert.

ps:please be at the train station by nine thirty k. the train is leaving at 10.15. i'm talking about the train station near bibik's house there, the ktm thingy i think. on saturday night k.
<3

135

WE GOT THE TICKETS
WE GOT THE TICKETS
WE GOT THE TICKETS
WE GOT THE TICKETS

now it's the matter of praying that my dad's ship doesnt come on that day and that my mom will get over her bitchy mood.

happy happy happy!!!

damn

(:

i watched scrubs the other day and there was this part where the surgeon intern pretended to be a priest and he managed to get the crowd to get on their feet and to sing, to praise jesus or god or whoever it was. and it got me thinking, if only islam could be like that. if only there was a way for the other muslim youths to feel god just as how the christian does. and i realised, that that's the difference between these two religion. there is no way we can ever be the same and it felt wrong, somehow to compare islam with christianity. *shrugs.
i was feeling like a hypocrite too, cause i have always been complaining about those that wear scarves, and than when they feel like it, take it off suka-suka. i mean, like wth right? if you wanna wear it, wear it. if not, than dont. anyway, i realised that i was just like them cause there was this one morning where the whole family decided it would be fun to go for a walk at six thirty in the bloody morning. being the lazy ass that i was, i figured no one would be around so no need for scarf,but we ended up walking to east coast and than having breakfast at macdonalds. bam,just smack me. only realised what i did on the way back from the walk.

anndddd, one more thing. i cant cant cant stand stupid insecure women who cry because their teeth are not straight or their nose is crooked. twisted mentality. you already have kids and a husband for god sake. i was so pissed off watching the show swan. basically, contestants go to have a make over so that they can go off feeling better about themselves. they just look deranged and scary and fake. so fake. and doesnt the husband feel weird? i mean, she's all plastic. grrrrr
why dont they just go for some expensive counselling session. pish-posh.

and oh yeah.spray paint.

 

132

yesterday, i spent time with these lovely peopl! it was the end of test and we walked around ps and pargon and taka. zy was there too, but there were no nice pic of her (:




and look what mel and kaman got me!

sweeettt

when i got back, i had such a horrible fever and when i do get a fever, i tend to get recurring dreams but i cant really remember what i dreamt about. i had to pee so many times though! i think i got up like thrice during the night.

might might might be going to the peterpan concert after all! so nurul, start packling dah-ling! <3


and of course, who can forget this fine specimen of a man ((:


i have a weird aftertaste in my mouth.

picture!

i realise that i have a biggg nose and feet. haha. and i bought my formal shoes and i' m itching and mom bought me the cranberry bodybutter and the shower foam and I'M GOING TO SHANGHAI. HURRAH! (:


god knows whcih part of shanghai this is

two post in one day. oh god. i should really get going.

130

i see that i have been downgraded (:
because i'm tired and i'm lazy and i'm bored.

totally random points
- the paper was fine
-havent studied for mmprint
-suppose to do the outline but i'm too lazy to take the paper
-there is something in my eye and it hurts
-narnia sucks, like really, i mean being knighted, by a LION
-skinny dreadlock guy with thin thin ankles
-SUBARU
-pride and prejudice tomorrow
-FREE OF TEST, HELLO HOLIDAY'S
-PETERPAN IN KL. PLEASE

and oh, i saw 47626 bestfriend at the malaysain checkpoint. like how small can the world be? tsk

everytime i look at my blog, i keep thinking that i should and change it. but each time i look at the codes, i give up. so be it.

129

i am so dead.
i promised her i will rent the patch adams vcd. but i havent had the time to do just that! screwed i tell you. heh
but, it's socio.
screw socio and all its components.

am suppose to be doing journalism but i just cant seem to find the need to write. and class starts at 8 tomorrow. just shoot me. but, on a brighter note, i bought this really nice dress that i wore for the majlis thing. Which didn't turn out to be so bad though.
sigh

ever since i got the digi, there are so many photos that i wanna upload but just cant be bothered to.

cheerios

128

oh yeah! i feel like superwoman ((:
nyahaha.

i'm almost done with my journals. Just left with one more which i should be done with by mon.
Going to take photos tomorrow which mean that i should be able to be done with that soon too!
all that's left is the case study for mmprint which is going to be a pain in the ass.

of, course, i should not be surprised with what has happened. i'm just there when you need me right? ass.

and, leaving you with this.
took it when i was on the way to chris's house.

<3

127

<3

bbq at chris's place was super fun. i missed the class of 4/1. all that joking and laughing and teasing. many remained the same, many changed. though not all were there, i couldnt ask for a better bunch of people to spend my saturday with ((:

126

i can't believe how tired i am.
i had to stay up to talk to make sure that he was ok
and i'm glad. but i hope he doesnt take it to mean that he owes me anything. but i have to say, i think this is the first time he has actually talked/confided in me.

breaking up is such a hard thing to do. and i dont know how to put it in words that everything is going to be ok, or that time will heal all wounds cause all those sound so cliche. but i guess no words can be truer than that. i just hope he heals (:

and i had such a nice, lovely,great,fantastic,awesome time yesterday! <333

125

because, in times like this, friendship takes over the importance of sleep

i hope you'll be ok soon <333

124

i swear that one day someone is going to kill themselves over mmprint.
back to school week went alright. everything is going on fine and everyone is getting along famously, or so they pretend to be.
it scares me sometimes, this leadership thing, where you have to take charge. and though sometimes i dont mind it, there are times like these that has gotten me worried. i'm not sure if i have done the rght thing but it's time for me to see what i can really do right? i mean, the incident is still fresh in my mind and i do not know if during every project meeting, she is thinking about it too. it has gotten me worried but i tell myself not too, becuase what is the point, seriously?

a bunch of us had to write this essay on why we deserve to get a seat in the overseas cds thing.if i get in, it will mean HELLO SHANGHAI. but never will i step into their toilets. i mean no doors? i do not want to see some random butt crack staring up at me while i wait. and, peeing isn't so bad, but what about shit? gross.

so my bro scored a 238 for his psle which is way better than mine. we went for swensens where mum burned her fingers on the pan of the apple crumble, which was delicious i tell you!
than today, i met up with wanqi and than zakiah. went round looking for formal shoes as my slipper had conveniently decided to split into two. found a great pair but they were too small. me and my big feet, should bind them up. (:
found this great smelling lotion from bodyshop and i coudn't help but to help myself to a generous dollop of it! heh. wanqi took so much that she had to spread it all the way to her elbows. and than hannah and her big mouth, just had to mention about pretty boy-who happens to be online now-and hotboy, when uncle denise was just right behind us. what a blush-blush moment! ((:
and oh, to my DARLING CUZZIE, GOOD LUCK MC'ING. <33333

123

123!
my face is swollen up baaadddd. i feel like nutty professor. and i can't talk properly so all you can hear from me is some sort of distinct mumbling. and i can't really eat solid food so i've been depending on soups and bread soaked in stew or tea. and now i want mash potato! but despite all that, i went to watch HARRY POTTER. who could resist? my potter. sigh.
i'm gonna watch it over and over and over again. (:
the new director is really good. you can actually see how the film has 'grown'
but paying six dollars for a ticket at princess has its downs. mom was shifting in her seat the whole time cause she was uncomfortable. but the movie more than made up for it. lalalala.

so. the surgery went fine and dandy. had to change into the hospital gown and all and lying down on the strecther, while they push you from one place to another is definitely dizzying. and it's quite scary actually. the anaesthetist (?) was nice. she talked to me through everything and when she said that she was going to inject some sort of soya-bean colour liquid into me, i fell asleep. i was waiting for that warm feeling but i was gone by then. the next thing i knew, i was out of surgery and i had two cotten rolls stuffed into my mouth. i felt like a vampire. heh. the lady next to me was having such a bad time, she was vomitting and all. so i had to lay down there for a while more before they brought me back to the ward. i badly needed to pee then so the nurse came to take out the needle from my hand. the needle was biigggg and looonngggg. and when she took it out, blood woudn't stop oozing from the puncture wound. i would have thought that there it would be this big hole but really, it's just a tiny pinprick . it hurts though.

i was told to get some sleep but it was impossible because it was freezing and the lady next to my bed went on and on about the doctor and wanting to give them something and the doctor totally sucking up to her. bah. i felt quite miserable than cause dad wasn't there and mom had went to work and i wanted to take out the cotton roll but it was just too damn painful. and my lips and my chin! i couldn't even feel them. they were so numb and swollen. and the pain didn't really help things either. managed to sleep but i kept on drooling cause i couldnt really keep the mouth close and all. so i could see like reddish coloured saliva. than the doc came and i woke with a start cause i was just about to go to sleep and shortly after that, the nurse came and said i could go!

each step down toward the pharmacy and the taxi hurt. it's like you can feel the vibration in your cheek. it was that tender. and the best part happen at home!
i woke up and i had no food in me. i was pretty confident that i was ok because the first few times that i stood, there were no dizziness or anything but when i got up to heat up the porridge, BAM.
dad said i just started turning like really fast and i banged into the kitchen table. and the kitchen table broke! haha. like the stand and the table connected to the wall totally broke clean. it was a spectacular fall i must say. than i got banished to a spot on the floor where i had to finish up the really diluted porridge and a bowl of fish ball soup.

the madrasah girls came the next day and they were looking lovely i say! than atuk and bibik came to visit and today my two besties! yay! haha. but i'm still pretty swollen though. my aunty and cuz thought that i had grown so fat. lol.
it's like how squirrels would look like with nuts stuffed into their mouths.
but lazing at home all day isn't so bad though.

mmm-hmmm.


i managed to talk to pretty boy the other day and whent i learned that the gf was there, i felt completely violated and didn't really contribute much to then conversation. he left without saying bye though. so there. <3

122

we went to arab street to the house of japan to find some jeans but instead, we took mad ass photos. well, maybe not mad ass.
more like i took mad ass photos.
sha took some too and she thought me about exposure and all. should be cool to experiment.
walking around town is really like a chore these days. there's no excitement and all. nothing new to see. no new,well, adventures. ((:

so the operation is on mon. hopefully all goes just as well.

121

so. selamat hari raya to you and a welcome back to school for me.
panicked a while when i got the time table cause i realised i had no cds. went to meet brandon wong today and i managed to get into socio but i just got to know that socio sucks. go figure.
but we shall learn to love and embrace it. (:

met up with may today and it was just dandy. had to pass the cd to jia yuan so we met up with him and yuvan too. i like my secondary school mates. i especially like hanging out at starbucks. i bet we made a lot of noise cause the place was so damn small. my drink was especially sweet today. had to force it all down. i guess, for once, i took quite abit from the talk. things are going to happen for me. i can just feel it in my toes. (:

and to quote, "it's the company that matters"

<3

120

so, it's the last day of ramadhan and we will be celebrating hari raya officially tomorrow.


in the middle of breaking fast, practically everyone started to tear cause it's the first year without grandma. it's bound to be hard but i'm sure we'll pull through.
on a side note, adik mentioned that he saw the lovely a few times at kasim which gave me a shock. i never did think that he will be the type to well, do that sort of stuff. i never did see him though. school's starting soon and this is a waste of a post. (:

119

because the least that you could do is to reply to my smses.
so much for going out huh.

118

pay day is on the 26th and the first thing that i'm going to do is to get me a digi cam!

117

i'm feeling slightly feverish. went to check the symptoms for dengue fever since i got bitten by a mosquito on sunday. one can never be too sure k. ((:

dreamt that i was at this music store cause i had to buy some music books. there was a boy there sitting at the counter. i had a notepad infront of me and he wrote down his name, which was irfan and his number.then he left. damn weird. that i went to meet wanqi and we were in this huge auditorium. something to do about band.

and stuart townsend-is gorgeous.

116

i'm at work now, but since i'm at the temasek room with no supervision, i can do whatever i want, as long as i hit the damn target of course.
work has been mind boggling boring. you do the same thing day in and day out. no change.

my mood ring is not working.

115

i dreamt of the boy last night. in it, i was bugging him to tell me what happened, but he refused.
then i fell and he ran off and i got real mad.
i dont think of him as much now, the scar is still there though.

114

it has been ages and ages since i've updated.
what with work and all that, i hardly have time for myself. never knew that working can be draining-and all i do is to sit down and make stupid phone calls asking people if i can update my database.
i have officially said 'i'm calling from asia pacific maritime.i'm just here to update my database, can i check with you your company details?' 1700 times. gasp.
i'm calling indonesia on monday. ya paaakkk.

went to buker with the girls from madrasah today.-love
i cut my hair and the hairdresser completely screwed my hairstyle. it now looks as though someone had put a bowl over my head and cut out the remaining hair.ick. i so wanted to screw her. met up with bestie today and she gave me the bag. i completely forgot to pay her cause i was distraught by my hair. sigh.

went to the cemetry to vist my grandma and great grandma. there were burials today. it was sad cos it's so near to raya. the land where my grandma was buried used to be empty, but now it's completely filled up. there was a sunken grave next to her and i wonder what that person had did, for the grave to be like that.
then the one next to my great grandma had completely sunk in. it was said that at the time of burial, the plot kept filling up with water. no matter how deep they dug, it continued to be flooded. the person must have done something really wrong.
it creeps me out,death. it's inevitable.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the woman who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual. (yes, this actually happened: http://www.gendernet.org/quill/pr000004.htm)

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the man who was refused medical treatment because I used to be a woman. (http://imdb.com/title/tt0276515/)

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Repost this if you believe that discrimination based on gender and sexual orientation is wrong.

-side note
i got this through one of the blogs while blog hopping. it's worth sharing.

112

i passed! i passed! all c's and b's though. but still, i passed!!

111

i'm starting work on mon ((:

my grand aunt passed away last sunday and my grandfather is shaken up pretty bad.but when there's death, there's life. my aunty gave birth to a baby girl on mon. it's all a cycle. life.

110

i'm out to set my mark in the telemarketing world, that's if if i get the job.
interview at ten tomorrow. crosses everything that can be crossed.(:

i just realised that anugerah is a lame popularity contest, but there are some fine boys in there. went to kl over the weekend with mom and the neighbours, had a nice time shopping and wondering and the hotel was gorgeous. if i have the cash, i'll go there every weekend to absorb the atmosphere. weird to think that kl actually beats orchard in terms of hanging out. outdoor dining at its finest with so many people to look at. yum.

109

i had an urge to blog, now the urge is no more.
fickleness.

108

sometimes thoughts will just pop into my head randomly. and with my mp3 plugged in, i tend to stone and just listen to the music, not really paying attention to my surroundings, till i feel this weird sense of i'm not there, i'm looking at myself walking. and i'd snap back into reality. mom said she saw someone in my room when i was out sweeping the hallway. i feel, safe.
he longs so badly to be loved and to love. what he does not know is that, there is someone waiting, to do just that.

107

ended the paper 45 minutes after it started. sitting at the bus stop during lazy afternoons is love. for once, the place was not crowded nor noisy.
walked around with this feeling of dread. though i know that something bad will not happen, it still does not fail to alarm me. ess graph is cheering me up and then med soc had to happen to turn my (: into ):

106

i just realised that i got my core product all fucked up. i was suppose to talk about the objectives of the product, but i went on and on and on about imc and my marketing mix. at least i got my augmented and tangible thing right. but i did not know how to answer the challenges of marketing a service. sigh. not all is going well in my world right now. ess graph tomorrow and then med soc. i just hope hope hope and hope that i would not have to sit for supp paper.

please.

105

i had this horrible dream where i had to do my ess graph exams on a tourist bus. the exam was suppose to end at twelve and i only did it at eleven. i was busy scribbling my answers in a torn and tattered textbook.
sigh

something happened that left me with a very nice warm feeling in my tummy.
((:

104

and a happy birthday to me. seventeen, at last.

today was spent with wanqi. <3>their birthday. i am that bad at remembering birthdays, but i'm glad they remembered mine though. have to make an attempt at remembering. /:
i dreamt of the pretty boy with gorgeous hair.
we were at this lift landing and i remembered being so sad and disappointed that he forgot my birthday. and he did. but i kind of expected it though. oh wells.
walking to my grandma's place today, i suddenly missed my skater boy real bad. though the feeling does not happen often, i always think, what if? but i know that in the end, it would all be the same. i'll be bored by him and things will go nowhere.but at least he was there.
i hope he knows that i can only like him as a friend. i hope he stops with the pet names, though it has been ages since someone has called me sweetie. reminds me of the time long forgotten, of grey shirts and mrt stations.

i cant believe the distance that we walked today. i feel as though my legs are going to drop off any moment now.

103

oh great.
like my day can't get any better.
found out that i got a c for marketing, a c for med soc and god knows what i would get for ess graph and journalism and graph design fundamental.
average of a c is bad.
but it's just first sem first year right?
-sigh.

on a brighter note, the weather todays is soothing. being alone at home during a thunderstorm is love.have to cancel my date with wan qi tomorrow to mug, since i am completely useless during afternoons.
what a way to spend my saturday. and birthday.

102

.

and a happy 41st to my mom (:


my bro just pisses me of way bad. i dont know what has gotten into him. it tires me to continue being tolerant of him and he not even making an effort to be nice.
screw him
and i should really stop cursing him. not good.
and maybe he should screw up his psle. than he may realise that he is not so high and mighty after all. damn pissesd. told him that from this day onwards, i will no longer be your sister. the cold treatment? you bet. fucker.


i'm not even able to form proper sentences. it just seems to sound so wrong.





slghaslkghadlkglsdkfhg

101

because i'm putting off ironing (;

100

new skin! (:

but i cheated abit. the boxes were from someone else's, the background and the photos were from getty images.
i cant believe how much work is required!
damn

and the previous post, suppose to be my darlings kaman and mel
not my darling and kaman and mel

<3

99

fuck. the second batch are getting a prom.
and what do the pioneers get?
a freaking graduation in the freaking hall.

moving on.

yesterday was the last day of school. did nothing much except lunched at lj's where tjan had to mention subaru and i mentally killed her.(:
besides, i have been having dreams about him. he'll just appear, out of nowhere and he'll be there. scruffiness.
exams next next week.
havent been doing well at all for med soc. damn grp project. got a freaking d.
got my first b-day gift from darling and kaman and mel! haha. a pretty bracelet.

i was restless yesterday.mindlessly channel surfing.
now why is everyone out having fun except me?

98

today has got to be embarrassing.
beside's having classmates proclaiming my short-term relationship, i am worried that he may find out.
stupidly forgot that there were other people sitting behind us and that they were from his class.
oh-dear.


but shall forget (:
right?

now, the chalet.
i really hope i can go though the chances of me sleeping over are abit tight.

and i swear tjan, i am never talking to you agian. (:
red red rambutans.




utter randmoness.
med soc was dead boring. was doodling and writing stupid prose on my lecture notes. i can't help it cos the lecturer was dead boring. almost wished that it was soon soon instead. god help me.
marketing plan is due and i am proud to say that we have made some dents into it.
research has been done, brochure is made and journalism is actually,finally completed!(:
hurrah.

97

an irritating eeeeiiinnggg noise is driving me nuts. vaccuming. havent done that in ages.
totally random post. updating cos i just feel like it. lalalal.


managed to catch the parade on tv. some of the mps really wave spastically. our pm looks as though he's conducting a band. it was pure torture looking at people lip synching into the microphones. thank god i went out to go catch the fireworks instead of staying home.
shit ass monkey wipes i tell you.

havent been a much constructive day. every week there are major projects to be handed in and this thursday would be no difference. i think our group would have to pull and all nighter again.

and sha, if you're reading this, tell me the link for your blog yah? (:

the formal presentation was -dots- ispokewaytofastandmrsaishahadthisweirdlookonherface.
:/

i hope selvan does not know that i faked my way through the iwa2.there isnt even a comittee set up to clear the litter nor is there a no littering sign.

the rain just now was awesome. cascading. and now it's back to hot. awww.

my mom is weird. she just called then said bye bye.

i wish there were four seasons here. then we can walk through huge piles of red leaves, ass-white snow and wade through rain.

bah

and i can't argue with this-
I can't forgive, can't forget, can't give in, what went wrong cause you said this was right, you fucked up my life.
-blink 182, what went wrong



















and oh, whatever happened to the long talks and tight hugs?

4 more to a 100

i took 28 just now where in most cases, i would tend to avoid it.
while i sat, i contemplated on the past and how it would have been in the future.

IF

i do not regret what happened.
but it would be nice to know that there would always, always, be someone there for you.
a safety net when you fall.

i hope he's doing okay now and that he's happy.
God bless.

<3

untold things

so, the summary of the gone entry was that


-i made this great realisation that maybe,maybe, the whole world knows.
but we dint mention names just now. so please?

-went to go catch fireworks.
gorgeous, i say

-curly fries are love! and so are curly hair

-and that i should stop my infatuation.
saving grace.

oh fuck blogspot.
there goes my god damn entry.
fuck

woo hoo!

ta-da! my first A! thanks so much to kaman! for making my brochure look damn good.
but it does really look reaaaall gooodddd.
((:

i am currently in love with james blunt. he's voice is something else together. it's just, sigh.
somethingaboutit.

spent today's class playing willy wonka's game and crapping for individual assignment 2.
opposite me was that boy with the hair. nice voice he has. eudora gave me a super dirty look while i was passing her the cookies that daryl made. she is -dots-. haha. dammit. she ought to be nice to people. shall stop.

going over to mel's place to go bake cookies! haha. but there are so many of us. maybe i shall just watch hitch at her place. heh. bah. totally boring and random entry. asses. all of you. asses.

i really should stop saying sorry. it's irritating the hell out of people! (:

still slaving

over the marketing journals. managed to do one in the afternoon and hopefully, one more tonight.
met up with the group for med soc project. jen came down for nothing except to tell us stories about friday lunch and to steal lime mints-which i think the guy knew that's why he dint really bother.
was making so much noise in starbucks but it was fun all the while though sitting next to the toilet really makes my head hurts as the door keeps slamming shut due to uncivilized people.
kamal keeps giving me ten percent discount. hooray to him! (:

was suppose to go watch fireworks but got cancelled out, again. haha.
damn.
had supper and choc and i'm a happy girl.
a contented and happy girl. ((:

finally

i got a B on a god damn bloody assignment. ironically, it's for journalism which i do not enjoy. bah.

group meeting was cancelled-as usual- and me, hui ling and kaman headed to town to catch a jap movie called crying out love in the centre of the world or something like that. it was a bit boring cause they were talking about japanese people none stop-which i have no intrest in-but thank god the movie was good. it's a lot like a walk to remember. leukemia and the guy asking the girl to marry him and tying up lose ends.
hopefully, tomorrow dinner with the french couple we met at perth. i have purple sparkly toe nails. totally random stuffs which results in not blogging for a long period of time.

i found some pretty good reads in livejournal. one is a guy that does not drink nor smoke and who intends to buy a kite. another takes gorgeous photographs of people around him and the other writes beautiful haunting poems that i can only dream of writing.
all that talent. <3

actually, i have more photos. but photobucket is being a pain in the ass.

well

lin just noticed mistakes in my previous post. i cant believe that i myself wrote that i hope the plane wont crash into two. what sort of mass comm student i am. ought to be shot and drowned.
(:

perth was just incredible.boo to those that said that going now was going to be a waste of time and money.
the weather was gorgeous, the people friendly but the food expensive. the tours were massive fun as i got to meet a lot of new people and even, falling in love with a french guy. (:
shall post pictures up soon if i can ever ever figure out how.
14 rainbows in one day, sand boarding, whale watching.much love. <3

flying away

i'm off to perth early tomorrow morning. at one to be exact. hopefully the plane does not crash in two and i'm left stranded on an island. hopefully there would be good looking doctors on board with weird looking tattos. (:

london

yay! they won.and in seven years time i hope i'll be there.(:

new skin

i never thought that i would be using an imageless template. but i like this. would have been better in red though. (:
i just realised that i tend to make horrible spelling mistakes in my post. since i dont quite like editing them, people must think that i am one horrid speller.
oh dear.
bah
(:

short

i realised that my life has been getting pretty routine. no more excitment, no more surprises. not like it has before. heh. i succesfully painted my mirror with a sponge. it looked good.
and hopefully,
i'll be flying off to perth next sun at 1 am. (:

journalism and the in betweens

another journo assignment is due. i tried faking my way through but i realised it just could not be done. sigh. med soc quiz tomorrow and i dont even know half of it.
on a happier note, i might might might might be flying off to perth in the next two weeks. crossing all the toes, finger, eyes and ears that i have. i really hope that it would happen. god knows mom and i need the break.heh.
-
there is currently, no tv at home. it broke down at a convenient time when i decided to rent such good dvds. sigh. bestie came over the last two days to do her deadline. type here type there. i'm still stuck in the middle of nowhere.
i'm restless. the house is q u i e t. i should have just joined them for dinner.
but, what's the point when the conversation would be stilted? mom's mad at me. when is she never mad? and i need a pair of new jeans. i dont know what to wear tomorrow for school. aiyyaaahhhhh.
-

something so..

there is something sexy in watching the swagger of a confident man
-
had zheng ying for dinner! haha. i mean, went dinner with her. lots of love there, and laughter. <3

lunch

lunch was fun! met may and yuvan and jia yuan and jeffery at simei banquet. there were alot of laughs and smiles. jia yuan seems so mellow now. hardly an insult was uttered when he was with us! a lot of stories were told and gossiping. lol. it was good. great bunch of friends. i miss those times. ((:
-
and i am happy now. things are cleared and hopefully everything would be smooth sailing. now if only i can get my creative fixed.stupid me threw away the receipt! hopefully thomas can work his magic.sigh.
-
then there was the long walk back to the bus stop. i realised that between us, he would always always always come up. common factor? haha
<3

i did it!

HAHA. my hair is damn short. when i went to the hairdresser, she just grabbed my hair and cut it off. gave me a shock. when i asked why, she said it would be easier for her to wash. hah. but, i'm pleased with the hair cut. yum
-
i'm super mad that i am not in the cinema watching batman. you owe me big time you ass. (:

it was just one of those days

if i knew where i went wrong, i would not obsses over it to much. as it is, it happened too suddenly with no written warning. how? should i just sit here and wait and pretend nothing has ever happened? or maybe it is my imagination in overdrive again. whatever it is, i hope that things can clear up fast so that we can go back to how we used to be. all the laughter and the smiles and the happy memories that i will always carry along with me.
-
there are so many deadlines to be met. i still have not started on the logo and i have to think of a topic to write about by tomorrow. i'm itching to watch dodgeball though. but i'm preoccupied by matters that should take a back seat.i'm loving the people that i'm hanging out with. never fails to make my day.(:
and then there is you.
i should stop and stop but i can't. i want to delete but i think i will regret it if i do. those are keepsakes.maybe, i shall cut my hair instead. if i regret, i can always reassure myself that it will grow back.what sort of logic is this?
-
i envy the fact that you mangaed to bum around in beaches. sun-kissed skin.

bah

i was an emotional wreck yesterday. i got so mad at my mom, and when i get mad, i cry, so i was tearing while she was sending me to school. i hate the way that she can just manipulate. it drives me nuts. and she knows i know what she is doing but she just continues doing it. crap lah.
moving on...
-
i had a real nice time with my cuzin on tues! it was super duper nice to see her and to catch a movie. i hope everything is fine and dandy for her now.(:

i just wish the same could be said for me? haha. enough with the self-pity.

the past

a friendship is beautiful when it is new.this is the stage where u start to learn everything about the other.u joke,u laugh,u share.but as time progresses,u share less,joke less,laugh less.there's this void in which u cant fill up or bridge over.its sad cos i thought it could last.its sad cos i thought u'd be there.but it aint.everything's getting too awkward know.no one knows what to say and there seem to be no more subject on which we can talk about.thank god for the time u were there.
-
i wrote this a long time ago. never thought i'd be going through it agian. guess i was wrong.
god bless <3
-
i guess from now on, there will be no more late night conversations.i can't hold it in anymore.

my hair

my hair feels long and heavy. it's wilder though it looks nice when i just get up from sleep. bed hair is yummy.
and there wasn't even a take care.
something is so wrong but i dont' know what.

i'm really pissed off with you.what on earth happened to the great chemistry that we had.maybe not so great but the conversations were never like this. there were never any huge blank spaces to fill up. i did not have to think up of ways to capture you attention. we worked in making the conversation.i know, you met some one new haven't you. one with big black eyes. i'm super mad at you for doing this to me. making me hang around and accumulating huge internet bills. never try to pretend. how can it be dead already? what happened to the stupid ramblings and laughter and countdowns and talking with an indian accent? i miss you that's what it is. crap lah.i dont want to fall for you like what happened two years back. i dont want to walk around with this stupid smile on my face just recalling our conversation and looking forward to the next one. you never failed to put a smile on my face and now, look.i'm sad. that's what it is.but i can't come straight out and tell you can i. it's a delicate balance we hang in now. i dont want to have just two conversation per month. let us be the bestest of friends. let us hang out. but no. it's stilted.
like we are in this jam and it's like two strangers that had never met. no, not strangers but two people who just don't seem to click. maybe i should just say bye bye and erase you from my life.
hold the good memories and not let it get tainted by bad ones.
bad ones like this.
it seems so weird that we just got along fine the day before and now this. now this crap and not able to talk freely. walking on eggshells.
i'm sad. that's what it is.

and today was...

i havent updated in like a gazillion days.(:
-
today, after so long i finally had a chance to walk with him. after fantasizing for so long,after playing it in my mind the different images, the different scenes-god i sound like a psycho!- he came up and we walked. but it lasted all of two minutes though. and my heart was not going thump thump thump.maybe because i was too tired. but it made my day.
pure bliss (:
now if only i can find a good kind soul to lend me adobe photoshop.which now i have a habit of pronouncing as photobe autoshop. go figure.

-

i have this mad urge to sit down in the middle of the street and meditate.seriously.maybe because the air is so cool but there is still no rain. i witnessed a fascinating lightning show the other day. the way the light lights up the sky,it reminds me of war shows whereby the bombs would cause the sky to flare up. really beautiful.
and i have been having weird dreams of the class! i dreamt that jaws saved eudora from comitting suicide but she herself got banged by a car. then i dreamt that she told me that he was with her. and then just now, i dreamt of hui ling. my god.i really need to get some good dreams.
maybe of me and him? ooh-er.
and the one with gorgeous hair.hahaha
-
now to go off and slave over my journal.and to think of ways to write the news story.damn selvan man.

collide

"Collide"
The dawn is breakingA light shining throughYou're barely wakingAnd I'm tangled up in youYeahI'm open, you're closedWhere I follow, you'll goI worry I won't see your faceLight up againEven the best fall down sometimesEven the wrong words seem to rhymeOut of the doubt that fills my mindI somehow findYou and I collideI'm quiet you knowYou make a first impressionI've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mindEven the best fall down sometimesEven the stars refuse to shineOut of the back you fall in timeI somehow findYou and I collideDon't stop hereI lost my placeI'm close behindEven the best fall down sometimesEven the wrong words seem to ryhmeOut of the doubt that fills your mindYou finally findYou and I collideYou finally findYou and I collideYou finally findYou and I collide


-howie day

hanky panky

the deco on stage is gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous. (:

i hope everyone would be pleasently surprised! the letterings were abit weird though. and it's all my fault! oh well. the weather has been really wonderful lately. i spent my day at the beach with the family and it was well,pleasent. took some pics with the camera phone. wanted to stay on till sunset but it started to rain.that was last week i think.i was in such a horrible mood then. felt like being mad at mom for no reason at all! the trials and tribulations. had really good apom at tanjong pagar railway.was suppose to go on a roadtrip to kl but it was cancelled.

i suddenly miss her so much.but she's got her own life now and i don't think i'm part of it anymore.it's so difficult to meet up and catch up on stuffs when she's busy with jc and i'm just well,bumming around.(:

been spending alot of time shopping for this and that.this crap and that crap. and i am so sick and tired of bugis! huh. but the new bugis village is nice though. maybe i'd get that bag.and i bought a mp3.yum.technically it was still dad's cash but who cares.heh.
i have fun spending my parents money but not mine. btw,the vanilla scent by bodyshop is simply delicious.and it still lingers even after a really long time. this is total crap.
i'm gonna go crash now. and oh. two stealing cases happened today. both involving old malay pakciks. no life.no life.lol

oh dear

embarrassment.utter embarrassent.i wish there was a hole for me to hide my head in. or better still that they go away.not us.but them. must have thought that i was a complete idiot. oh dear.i just hope that he dint find out any of the stuffs.otherwise i am screwed.utterly screwed.sigh

a day out

err..this was suppose to be thursday's entry.blogger was being a bitch then.but not now (:
-
ergh.just got back from gramps.i still dont get it why they have to remember occasions like this.maybe to each their own but shouldnt the living just get on with their lives?so.i had to stay in the room where i was driven mad by her endless babble.sometimes i just wish that she would take a good hard look at herself.all those self pitying.crap man.like she is the only one having problems and had to rest.grrr.people like her make me mad but i have to grin and bear with it.the best is to ignore her.haziq tried to fool us with his lame magic tricks.apparently he is close with the airport guy.ooh-er!
(:

spent the day with dad.he brought me to this place called rex where we had not so nice hofun.whorefun! lol. i drank iced milo from a beer glass.tiger beer anyone? then we went to the second hand car showcase nearby.quite ugly cars there was.still lusting for my beetle.red or white.and once i own it,it will be me, the car and my mates on a road trip to thailand.hopefully by then there wont be anymore killer waves or people who love to kill people for fun.but i keep seeing old ahpeks driving it! jatuh reputasi kereta itu! ish.it has been ages since i wrote anything in malay.anyway,then we went to marina bay and just hanged around.it was weird just being one on one with my dad but it turned out good.i could always just talk to him about stuffs.oh wells.

anyone willing to donate to the get a car for nadzirah fund?any amount of donation is greatly welcome.and i like how this word is spelled.monies.never knew that was the plural form of money! see..this is what life does to you when you havent stepped into a school for so long.(:

...and my cuz got hand foot and mouth disease!apparently the doctor had to notify the government.so if there is an outbreak,please do avoid chai chee area where she is currently banished to an uncomfortable spot in the kitchen.(:

how my feet hurts

went out with them today.suppose to go shopping but dint manage to get anything much.oh well.saw so many gorgeous gorgeous shoes.specially one which only cost thrity bucks.yummy.(:
-
isnt it amazing that he is with she?he is the last person you would think of for dating her.but there you go.spotted hand in hand at bedok.amazaing.apparently some ite mats were having a name guessing competition.such a sad day tomok.
-
grandama's birthday is tomorrow and there is going to be yet again another baca bacaan.and it has to fall on a thursday where there are so many good shows to watch.i finnaly got my confirmation letter.the wait was horrid.kept expecting the letter to say that i was rejected and then dad is going to blow a fuse.phew.
-
apparently the park connecter is well used.besides the usual array of joggers and walkers and old uncles with dogs that refuse to budge,there is me.the slow walker with bags in hand,wishing that i had half of their determination and stamina while admiring their gorgeous albeit hairy legs.ooh-er.

pretty random

maybe i should just give up.

i've been going through random memories that happen to be flitting through my mind.most of em are unpleasant ones.ones that i would cringe in rememberance and hope that it would never never ever happen again.and yet there are ones that made me smile.the asam garam of life.but there are those that just keep on cropping up and up and it makes your heart ache so bad.like that time who and who did that.or the time when this and that happened.pretty uneventful.but it cant possibly be that bad right? there are others who has it worse than me.have to be thankful.but sometimes it's hard to be thankful when you have nothing to be thankful for.
-
sometimes i wonder if i could ever be like her.or like him.to be able to write. to be able to draw.to have the talent. but i have all that i can ask for,well maybe not all.everyone has something about themselves that they would like to change.right?
i heard about this girl that was so perfect.rich,pretty.there must be a downside to her life right? there has to be a silver lining.there has to be a dark cloud in the otherwise sunny day.anywhere.everywhere.pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.oh god help me.i just feel.so.meeting old mates at poly is scary.they already know you and they might look right throught the new you.as much as you would like to think that you have changed,for all you know,you havent.its so hard to start on a clean slate with someone you already know and have not met for a long time.
handling jc was just fine.the people there were incredible.a breath of fresh air.i miss all those breakfasting though.and the skipping of lessons just because you can get the lecture notes online.i wonder what would have happened if i had stayed on.i miss it actually.especially airport guy.heh.now i'd be the odd one out.the one that has to work super hard to be in the top how many percent? but that doesnt mean that they dont have to work hard too.it'd be a waste though if my two cuz decides to repeat.i hope they wont.i know they wont.one is in china drums.funny she! have to meet up with her.she makes me smile and laugh.god knows i need that.(:
i miss you babe
that time at fort canning was gerek.and i just realised why the pic we took dint come out.it was because the camera was facing the trees instead of us.heh.or maybe the angle was just wrong.i hope the angle was just wrong.otherwise it would have proven what a dork i am.not you though.heh.i'll take all the blame this time round.and i still owe you swensens! i bet mister converse is so out of your life right now right?
-
the new girl is pissing me off.and the one at taka.called my mom kak and asked for me.
my mom is more like a friend to me now.which is weird.weird in a good way.heh.sometimes i'm so afraid that i might overstep the line.oh well.she still shouts at me regularly.good thing?
-
my aunt gave birth to her fourth daughter.her name is rusyda.not pronounced as ru-si-dah though.i think.i slept over at the hospital to keep her company and boy,can the baby scream!super duper loud.luckily it does not happen often.macdonalds hotcakes are still the best.oh yum.
i dint realise how cute the sembawang salesman was until sunday.what a preppy looking boy.smart mat.heh. bought the killers.damn good.(:

oh no

i slept pretty soundly considering what is going to happen in the next few hours.maybe i shall entertain myself by watching the oscars.i had a dream that my tv had a mini explosion but it was still in good working condition.and i scored an 8.8 is my favourite number.let everything be okay.pls.

and i forgot to add..

i finally know who airport guy is.
lotsa love to nurul cos she happens to have the slenger pics as well..you rock.i stone.
heart you babe.
lotsa luck for mon!

words

i want to paste the walls with words.of sayings.i watched wicker park today and the guy had this wall full of stuffs.kind of like your memory wall.eek.i think that sounded corny.
results are coming out tomorrow tomorrow.everyone pray now k.my cuzins are having a bet on how much i get.one is betting that i'm getting 23.screw them.better be joking!
-
i heart yesterday.that was because it has been ages since i went out in a whole big group of girls.and guess where did we go?GEYLANG.yes.all the way to tanjong katong complex to accompany fai to go get her peterpan cd.and i have a confession to make.i'm in love with them too! the band i mean.god.the cd-thanks to my best cuz for lending it to me-is awesome.the guy is hot.(:
then we semangatly go macs to go sign up for the memebers thingy so that we can go get free food using the points system or other.then halfway janna met her negro friend.thick lips.ick.k,mean.
so.
-
this week has been good.been skipping lectures and going for macs breakfast and having a wild time getting lost in tampines cos we took the wrong bus to school.took loads of pics and i received a gift from my angel!<3 its this big purple heart with wings and hershey's chocs.yum.
its a bit sad to be parting from all my mates in tp as i have already made up my mind on where i want to go and most of them are intending to either stay there or to go elsewhere.huh.sob? we played a hilarious game of charades during gp where i swore mr lee is gay.i bet he made up the story of him being married!haha
then me and zakiah kept on ketuking and making disgusting faces about her. but cant help it lah.
gonna miss 05A06 ):
-
can i ramble for awhile.
ihateitthatmatsandminahsareusingbloggertheirenglishishorridasifmineisonicebuttheirsisworsetheyhavenothingbettertotalkaboutthenhoworwhereandwhnetheyslackandplaycardsandhowmuchtheymisstheirbabiesandwhatfuckingshitanditdisgustsmetoseethisgirlionceregardasmyfrienddoittooandicantbelievethatiactuallycameacrossthierblogherguyisshitassbythewayandtothinkthattheyevenfuckingsetmeupwithbusstopguyishouldntevenbecursingthembuticanthelpitshesuckssobaditellyou.
phew

blackpaintedtoenails

yesterday was good.(: went out with sha,arafah and sha's cousin to temasek poly nyer open house.i have so decided that i will be going there.yup.i hope that my points are good enough.the course that i want only allows like 13 pointers.those that does not meet that has to go for a seven dollar interview.i wonder why we must pay ah?
anyway,i have to say that i love it there.i dint wanna go home!heh.i just wanted to chill at the bridge there and look down at the band with the hot drummer boy.the wind was great too.though i am not so sure how i am going to survive poly life,i have my friends with me.dad is scaring me though.i really really hope i do reasonably well or else he is so gonna scream.oh fuckwit. be still my beating heart.i've been thinking back on how i have done my papers.i thought everything was okay except for chem.chem is always horrid.but u may never be too sure right?i thought i did badly for prelims but i managed a 15.but that was the same during psle.i got too complacent.i hope i did okay.i remembered last minute studying for chem.oh shit lah.
*prays to god.
-
apparently my lovely came down for a visit.his name means pure of heart.suci hatinya.oh boy.(:i think mom is pmsing.she has been in a bad mood ever since.wonder why.i guess its because we have to shift over to chai chee to go keep my granpa company.my life is going to change drastically.i still can't bring myself to call her arwah.and everytime i will go 'are we going to nenek's house?' as though she is still alive. but she isnt.now,we are having weekly ngaji sessions.she has to be so proud of us.but isn't it a pity that this all happens when she is gone instead of when she was alive?
i'm not grieving,i'm just..wondering.
i keep telling myself that maybe i wasnt close to her.but,i was.in a way.she loved me and i loved her.maybe we should showcase our feelings more often.sigh.
-
its such a warm lazy sunday.i'm thinking of skipping school the whole of next week but i know that that is not acceptable.my dad will screw me i tell you.oh man,i am gearing myself up for the inevitable lecture.there is no way that i will be able to score a ten.or twelve.oh shit lah.this is so gonna bug me.how fast time flies.this is it man.oh shit lah!sorry,can't help it.heh.
-
did i mention how hot keaunu is?man,there was this scene when it showcased his stomach and i was like HOT and the guy one seat away was like PHWOAR.he's so mysterious.
arafah has already classified the kind of guy i like and it all boils down to one particular person.or maybe one particular hairstyle.but yeah.the airport guy looked like that it guy that looked like the yishun guy which looked like tt guy.i so need to get a life.but the airport guy happens to be in tp too and i think he recognises me.at least,i'm aware of him.very aware actually.which brings me to the point if i really want to leave tpjc for tp.
i think that being in tp is good because i would already be exposed to the line of work that i want to be in.where else in tpjc,i am only going there for lit and well my friends and the airport guy.not really worth it huh.plus,being in tp means that i do not have to ever ever again take p.e.
but being in poly also means that i have to start all over again.making new friends and everything.i already have a group there.man.i'm not literally torn in half,i'm already leaning more towards poly life.i need to discuss it with my parents but one is pmsing making the other one mad.not exactly the ideal family to have when u need to take ure results soon huh.
-
i dont know what i'll do if i fail.this.is.it.

v-dae

i have made my decision and i will stick with it.nothing you or anyone can say will make me change my mind.(:
no more balls.beside,she's scary!
-
i dated my cuz today.we bought so much stuff!heh.went round tamp and cs.still unable to find the cd that i want but oh well.i have nothing substantial to type about.heh.
here's a leaf.would u accept it?
i'm off to batam.
miss me?
can't you see that its just you and me?







pure sunshine of melted gold.

death

my grandma passed away on tuesday morning.i was on the way to school when i got the call.thanks wanqi for being there.(:
everyone is pretty much okay now.there were alot of laughters but there were tears too,specially when we do tahlil at night.
tomorrow is going to be her 7th day death aniversary.
its that fast.man.and to think that two weeks ago we were at sarawak together.cherish your loved ones deeply.
i think her death is a kind of a wake up call.cos after it all i see people being nicer,kinder and praying.you also see people that you have not seen for so long.everytime, i will always see her wrapped in white lying down on the floor while the family members give her a final kiss. and her graveyard.
i was always thankful that i have not experienced death,that it will still be so long that one of my family members would go but there you have it.buried 7 feet underground.
she will always be remembered.

hel-lo

i'm at my uncles place using his computer.he's not back in yet so i have the whole thing to myself!oh yeah.haha
i think i have a maths test on monday but i havent studied yet.can i ask my mudskipper to flunk it with me?heh
i guess things has been going well.hockey practice yesterday was quite enjoyable ah.we had waffles and bubble tea afterwards.
road run is on wed.i predict that i shall and hopefully fall ill.heh.i dont want to run but i want to be there.to be by the beach.oh beach.
-
i hope my grandma is going to be fine.its painful to see her shuffling from the toilet to the living room and then back again to the bedroom.she lost so much weight already.but she's a strong woman.never fails to nag at me.(:
i dont know when my mom is coming to pick me up.i'm still in yesterdays shorts since i came here straight from practice.oh eeewww
heh

finding neverland

i'm getting tired of thinking of a title to write man.today went to watch finding neverland-thus the bloody title.
its a very literature movie.my class went to watch it cos the teacher wanted a write up on it.so very the semangatly we went.the six of us but minutes later i kind of forgot.it seems kind of slow in the beginning but then it got really really good.i loved the scene where they were in the garden and it looked like how i imagined neverland would look like.all enchanting and fairy like.all those pretty things lurking around and no dark side to be seen.next up would be constantine.man,keanu is hot.(:
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yesterday i got new shoes!yesterday i skipped hockey to go for film society only to find out tt it was cancelled.by that time,it was too late to join the team which had left to delta.so.i ran 3km!-correction,walked.lol
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i think my eyes are bengkak.they hurt.pet shop grooming exercises.oh,the fun in all of it.
i suddenly miss punk rock.
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have you ever thought that someday you might turn out to be the exact opposite of how you would like yourself to turn out to be.someday you would find out that somewhere along the line,you changed from a teen to an adult.that the child in you has been completely immersed.no fun,no laughter,no joy.spinster with 99 cats.damn.

waffling

hah.did i tell you that my legs are aching?up till..well,there.lol
went for waffles and a movie.watched elektra.dint quite enjoy it.its a bit short and once u get to the ending it was a bit well,dot-dot-dot.
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i'm missing kuching already.it has only been two days but i want to go back there.its bloody clean.so clean.like singapore.i swear that place is gorgeous.when we first got there,the guy kind of like gave us this city tour.so we went to this place[forgot what's it called] and kind of took in the sights of the city.i've always liked to stand on tall buildings and kind of look down.u have that really weird feeling that you are about to drop down.that u have the urge to climb over the barrier and well,fly-literally.so the guide pointed to us to this mountain called gunung santubong.and the best part is that if u stand directly infront of it at sarawak cultural village,u can actually see that the mountain is in the shape of a pregnant lady lying down.i kind of forgot what the story behind the mountain was though.heh.then we went to the hotel which was uber nice and took a long walk to this restaurant.the best thing is that we had to walk along the river and there were stalls lined up.i think it would be super amazing to just sit there and chill.the wind is great too and u can drink tea from this extremely large glass.and the tea is supper cool.then i had my potrait done!lol.i dont see any similarity cept for the glasses.heh.(:
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and damai beach.breath taking.i just kind of like sat there and took in the sights.i guess u can imagine how it would feel like to have huge waves rushing towards you.pretty freaky actually.then we went to see those long houses.two houses were bloody big and nice.i wouldnt mind staying in them man.really!maybe because it was for show,that was why it was nice.but still.its like huge.ohkay,i cant really like describe it but yeah.just know that its nice k?
but the best part i guess has to be during meal times.cos my grandparents also came along and its a bit of a rarity to have us all together.it was the conversation and the laughter and the mad teasing and me going 'ingat orang-orang iraq' coz my grandpa couldnt finish his rice but he'll be slowly trying to consume it all.
and my brother got stung by a bee.that was a bowl of laughs,k,that sounded mean but really!he was screaming and crying and saying that i dont wanna die.ma,am i gonna die?poor guy.sorry ass lah he.
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do you know that once u board on to a plane,u smell that weird smell that planes only have?and that hospital food smells just like plane food.lol.the view ontop the plane is gorgeous.u can see those fluffy like clouds just sail pass you and the blue blue ocean.i was so glad to be home that i started singing singapore songs.but i just remembered two lines though.lol.
(:

oh yah

hey.i know my blog is screwed.but i'm leaving for sarawak soon.'m at the airport using their free internet!so i'll just fix it up once i get back.or would some kind soul do it for me? (:
selamat hari raya haji!


-i'm typing as though someone would actually read this.lol.oh hell.happy holidays.

.

i just realised how emo my last post sounded.must have been the pms.i was so down that i felt like crying each and every single time.well,things are better now.
i've got to say that my weekend was wonderful.i watched meet the fockers with joan and it was hillarious.i guess.lol.then i met astri.that made my day.(:
then i had the sleepover with my cuz which i really needed cos i got to get away from it all for awhile.it was good listening to her talk and playing with her son.he is the most adorable thing i tell you.we made a mess at banquet cos he was dumping chicken rice all over.most of it ended on his lap,not mouth.so we spent the night watching white chicks and serendipity.fell asleep around four and woke up just in time to watch ppg.my,cartoons can really make u feel good.(:
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then on sun!i was part of the crowd cheering for team singapore.i went with my cuz who is mighty fun to have around.i miss her so much.[better get me free food from kfc i tell you!].she was laughing and screaming and cursing.but it was goooodddddd.i swear number six is gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous.she prefered the goal keeper though.he won mvp.but he's good.really good.super good.heh.
then we had a late late supper.oh man.thank god dad got the tix!
-
my grandma is at the hospital now.was suppose to accompany her at the hospital but we found out that they have minimal space.so i got to contend with seeing her only on tuesday.i was looking forward to spending the night at the hospital though,plus the fact that i'll be able to skip school too.i dint go to hockey.ooops.
hopefully,if all goes well,i'll be spending my hari raya haji with my family and grandparents at kuching.meow.do they have gorgeous beaches?all my dad is talking about are caves.ick.
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i wish..

i wish that my heart would stop aching
i wish that he would just make his move.-the ball,is,in his court.lol
i wish we dint have pe tomorrow.i want lit!
i wish that i can be granted three wishes
i wish that everything would be okay-eventually,it does
i wish that they wont go-coz then it'll be weird
i wish that we dont have to drift apart
i need a really long girl talk right now but my besti is busy
i need to go to the toilet and deal with the laundry but am too tired
i wish we dint have hockey-6 rounds.i'll just do one.can?
i need a good movie
i want to click with my friends
i want to take a long bus ride
i want to sit by the beach and let my thoughts flow
i need to be open and accept me for who i am
i need to learn to love myself-and improve my god damn self-esteem!
lol
i need to stop drinking peach tea.realised that the can one is just too sweet.
i need to just hang around.not do anything.
i need my friends.right.now.
god i miss you.[:

og night

first,i cant tag my tag board.huh.so collin-why dint you appeal for tp?yup,we do need to meet.and ure jokes are silly.(:
my dear cuz-since when do i know how to use html?i'm computer illiterate.lol.i heart you.(:
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oh man.yesterday was so much fun fun fun!i met up with rury and we went to have lunch at my uncle's place.and as luck would have it,i saw him.and my mom knows how he looks like!*grooooaaannnnn
so.i was upstairs when kak is said that he's here.so i was like oh no.and when i got down.oh god.he cut his hair.he's really thin but has really broad shoulders.everything just falls into place when he stands up.i think rury was surprised when she saw him.i too was surprised!abit crushed.cos all that hopes kind of builds up and up and up and then ta-da.wonders if he knows that it was me.we dint really make it obvious but there was that tp badge on my collar.if he could add one and one and get two.then.he should know right.right now,i dont really mind if he knows.just one more week.all that hype.heh.so then i changed into the tee and jeans and took 12 to go meet izzah.-rury,i love you loads!
and faizurah.we got there pretty early and just hanged around waiting for joan.so,we sat at the amphi and the principal lit the campfire.it was only for a short while then we went into the hall.its air-conditioned okay!lol.
it was more like a concert then a campfire session and it was so much better.the school band was really wild and everyone was just like putting their hands on people's shoulder forming like this 'q' and running around.the whole hall went crazy.we were running and jumping and screaming and having so much fun!i fell once cos the people infront kind of like stopped suddenly.the music was really good.it was just heavy sort of songs that just gets you on the move and start jumping around.then when our family-sirius-got on.oh god!we were hot k!the girls doing the dance was amazing then halfway the ogls joined in and it was super hot. and the band-WOW.they played the reason and halfway jeremy could not remember the words so he started going la-la-la-la-la.just to fill up the blanks.it was okay cos by then the whole hall was singing along and waving their arms in the air.then the guitar club came on but by then,everyone was just sitting around.too tired already.they were really good though.then all the presents were given out.to be fair,each group won one prize each.i think sirius should win the best performance on og night plus,best points allocated throughout the games.it was soooo gooood.then the music came on and everyone started dancing and jumping and screaming and moshing.our ogls started to scream monday,tuesday all the way to sunday and then repeating it over and over again.it was good!! the hall was darkened and everyone started dancing.shiok!
heh.so it all ended at like 11 and then i made my way to my cuz house.told her bout my lovely.cant call it angel lah.weird.heh.
i cant wait to like meet up and talk.i hardly see her now a days.heh.
i called arafah to tell her about lovely and she started laughing and saying-i knew it.huh.instead of consoling me!lol.but its okay.
she mentioned that everyone is kind of drifting away.but i hope not.i just want us to stay together.friends.we dont drift yah.
i'm gonna start my day on monday with maths.oh crap.hopefully i dont have anything on tuesday.and i think i'll joined hockey.heh.
<3

okay,i know it has been ages.i wonder if anyone ever stumbles upon my blog anymore.hmm.so.er,its 2005,but i'm still writing my dates as 2004.heh.i got into tpjc and today was the last day of orientation.was bloody late today.arrived at 8 plus plus.was hoping that they would have finished the talk but it was still going on and on.wet games was held today.dry games was yesterday.tomorrow is i guees,intro to our classes then fri would be that last day of orientation.i guess tp is not as bad as i thought it would be.besides having to still wake up so bloody early in the morning to get on a train and then to catch a bus that gets stucks at a junction for at least ten minutes,i think i'll enjoy it.but it does seem to be a slack school.heh.
okay.
i had this wonderful surprise thrown by arafah and sha.they came to my place with a b-dae cake to celebrate my birthday 3 months too late.the cake was real good though.my angel is gonna stay for another two more weeks and he has a rough idea of who i am now.i made delicious brownies[ahem]and saw stars falling from the sky at port dickson.i sat on the beach at 4 am while my cuz went fishing.there is something so quietly peaceful to be sitting on sand and facing the sea.letting the breeze ruffle your hair and clothes.we sat and chatted while watching the sunset.i saw flares and heard ship horned on new year's eve and went to my ever first gig.i think i have the tag here somewhere.i read a dan brown book and painted my room red and yellow.i added stuffs to my list and wrote a poem.i spent time with family and friends and hope i have become a better person.i shifted my furniture,bought a candle,a book,a pair of hi-cuts,new clothes,bed and washing machine.[we still have two!heh].i slacked at home and watched day time tv.i studied my ass off at the airport and watched countless movies.i bonded with my cuz over a coffee caramel drink which i dint like then had an amazing dream about it.i saw look alikes,i went to singapore idol finals and i said goodbye to my secondary school and all the memories that were made.no more good food,no more walks to the mama shop while waiting for lessons to start.no more forcing my friends to take 67 coz i dint like 28.no more practical,no more mrs chai and her weird pronounciation of flask.no more collin with his stupid jokes and friends to share my joy with.no more seeing mr it guy and doodling during social studies.sigh.though my life hasnt been explosive,it has been good.i should stop comparing.i should stop asking,'why dint i have that?' and just be..contented.i love my friends and the craziness they provide.sigh.should stop dwelling and look on ahead.*ahoy mate!
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i'm gonna take lit maths and econs.i think i'm really gonna enjoy lit though i have no background of it cept for the dribbles of it that i remember when i studied it during my sec one and sec two years-that's like so way back man!
i'm gonna be brave while facing challenges.ick.heh.but..really!
(: