journalism and the in betweens

another journo assignment is due. i tried faking my way through but i realised it just could not be done. sigh. med soc quiz tomorrow and i dont even know half of it.
on a happier note, i might might might might be flying off to perth in the next two weeks. crossing all the toes, finger, eyes and ears that i have. i really hope that it would happen. god knows mom and i need the break.heh.
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there is currently, no tv at home. it broke down at a convenient time when i decided to rent such good dvds. sigh. bestie came over the last two days to do her deadline. type here type there. i'm still stuck in the middle of nowhere.
i'm restless. the house is q u i e t. i should have just joined them for dinner.
but, what's the point when the conversation would be stilted? mom's mad at me. when is she never mad? and i need a pair of new jeans. i dont know what to wear tomorrow for school. aiyyaaahhhhh.
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something so..

there is something sexy in watching the swagger of a confident man
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had zheng ying for dinner! haha. i mean, went dinner with her. lots of love there, and laughter. <3

lunch

lunch was fun! met may and yuvan and jia yuan and jeffery at simei banquet. there were alot of laughs and smiles. jia yuan seems so mellow now. hardly an insult was uttered when he was with us! a lot of stories were told and gossiping. lol. it was good. great bunch of friends. i miss those times. ((:
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and i am happy now. things are cleared and hopefully everything would be smooth sailing. now if only i can get my creative fixed.stupid me threw away the receipt! hopefully thomas can work his magic.sigh.
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then there was the long walk back to the bus stop. i realised that between us, he would always always always come up. common factor? haha
<3

i did it!

HAHA. my hair is damn short. when i went to the hairdresser, she just grabbed my hair and cut it off. gave me a shock. when i asked why, she said it would be easier for her to wash. hah. but, i'm pleased with the hair cut. yum
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i'm super mad that i am not in the cinema watching batman. you owe me big time you ass. (:

it was just one of those days

if i knew where i went wrong, i would not obsses over it to much. as it is, it happened too suddenly with no written warning. how? should i just sit here and wait and pretend nothing has ever happened? or maybe it is my imagination in overdrive again. whatever it is, i hope that things can clear up fast so that we can go back to how we used to be. all the laughter and the smiles and the happy memories that i will always carry along with me.
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there are so many deadlines to be met. i still have not started on the logo and i have to think of a topic to write about by tomorrow. i'm itching to watch dodgeball though. but i'm preoccupied by matters that should take a back seat.i'm loving the people that i'm hanging out with. never fails to make my day.(:
and then there is you.
i should stop and stop but i can't. i want to delete but i think i will regret it if i do. those are keepsakes.maybe, i shall cut my hair instead. if i regret, i can always reassure myself that it will grow back.what sort of logic is this?
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i envy the fact that you mangaed to bum around in beaches. sun-kissed skin.

bah

i was an emotional wreck yesterday. i got so mad at my mom, and when i get mad, i cry, so i was tearing while she was sending me to school. i hate the way that she can just manipulate. it drives me nuts. and she knows i know what she is doing but she just continues doing it. crap lah.
moving on...
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i had a real nice time with my cuzin on tues! it was super duper nice to see her and to catch a movie. i hope everything is fine and dandy for her now.(:

i just wish the same could be said for me? haha. enough with the self-pity.

the past

a friendship is beautiful when it is new.this is the stage where u start to learn everything about the other.u joke,u laugh,u share.but as time progresses,u share less,joke less,laugh less.there's this void in which u cant fill up or bridge over.its sad cos i thought it could last.its sad cos i thought u'd be there.but it aint.everything's getting too awkward know.no one knows what to say and there seem to be no more subject on which we can talk about.thank god for the time u were there.
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i wrote this a long time ago. never thought i'd be going through it agian. guess i was wrong.
god bless <3
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i guess from now on, there will be no more late night conversations.i can't hold it in anymore.

my hair

my hair feels long and heavy. it's wilder though it looks nice when i just get up from sleep. bed hair is yummy.
and there wasn't even a take care.
something is so wrong but i dont' know what.

i'm really pissed off with you.what on earth happened to the great chemistry that we had.maybe not so great but the conversations were never like this. there were never any huge blank spaces to fill up. i did not have to think up of ways to capture you attention. we worked in making the conversation.i know, you met some one new haven't you. one with big black eyes. i'm super mad at you for doing this to me. making me hang around and accumulating huge internet bills. never try to pretend. how can it be dead already? what happened to the stupid ramblings and laughter and countdowns and talking with an indian accent? i miss you that's what it is. crap lah.i dont want to fall for you like what happened two years back. i dont want to walk around with this stupid smile on my face just recalling our conversation and looking forward to the next one. you never failed to put a smile on my face and now, look.i'm sad. that's what it is.but i can't come straight out and tell you can i. it's a delicate balance we hang in now. i dont want to have just two conversation per month. let us be the bestest of friends. let us hang out. but no. it's stilted.
like we are in this jam and it's like two strangers that had never met. no, not strangers but two people who just don't seem to click. maybe i should just say bye bye and erase you from my life.
hold the good memories and not let it get tainted by bad ones.
bad ones like this.
it seems so weird that we just got along fine the day before and now this. now this crap and not able to talk freely. walking on eggshells.
i'm sad. that's what it is.

and today was...

i havent updated in like a gazillion days.(:
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today, after so long i finally had a chance to walk with him. after fantasizing for so long,after playing it in my mind the different images, the different scenes-god i sound like a psycho!- he came up and we walked. but it lasted all of two minutes though. and my heart was not going thump thump thump.maybe because i was too tired. but it made my day.
pure bliss (:
now if only i can find a good kind soul to lend me adobe photoshop.which now i have a habit of pronouncing as photobe autoshop. go figure.

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i have this mad urge to sit down in the middle of the street and meditate.seriously.maybe because the air is so cool but there is still no rain. i witnessed a fascinating lightning show the other day. the way the light lights up the sky,it reminds me of war shows whereby the bombs would cause the sky to flare up. really beautiful.
and i have been having weird dreams of the class! i dreamt that jaws saved eudora from comitting suicide but she herself got banged by a car. then i dreamt that she told me that he was with her. and then just now, i dreamt of hui ling. my god.i really need to get some good dreams.
maybe of me and him? ooh-er.
and the one with gorgeous hair.hahaha
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now to go off and slave over my journal.and to think of ways to write the news story.damn selvan man.