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i'm feeling happier but my itty bitty nephew is stuck in a hospital cause he has lung infection. sigh. and just the day before, i was laughing and joking with him. insisting that he was not sick as he was prancing around.now i feel mean. i hope everyone is coping and feeling fiinneeeee, cause i am! <3

went with sha to the botanic gardens to take vanda. we took photos of swans and squirrels too. the swan was scary as i half expected it to come and bite us or something. it was looking for food but we had none so it ate something off the pavement instead. swans are nice graceful creatures. i expected the squirrles to attack us too but it did not. than it was off to raffles to take the hotel and the chopsticks. it was a bit hard to take that towering structure though. still not satisfied with my shots. but when you reach there, there is a sense of peacefullness and tranquility. it's stuck in the middle of a busy junction but it's all silent and quiet, and you think of all those that had died in the war,while trying to protect their country.

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doctor at the poly said i had a throat infection. he gave me loads of medicine including gargle and vitamin c but i have yet to take any. did he give me gargle cause my breath stinks? heh. pretty sure i brushed my teeth this morning. went over to kak is place to hang out. i needed someone familiar to laugh at/with. we talked and watched legends of the fall and she swooned over brad pitt. the movie is kind of dark. two people who loved each other but couldnt be together, resulting in many deaths. i feel better though, no less lonely but better. i have to remember that there are people who care. that i cant judge them just by one incident alone, have to have a broader perspective. but skipping school today without telling the parents feels fake and wrong. but i just couldnt face meeting people today. didnt want to interact and pretend that everything is all right when nothing is. i'll get better soon. happier too. just like before.

happy chinese new year ((:

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i dont know what has gotten into me but i feel so sad. at that moment in time, i cried.without a reason. being an emo wreck is no fun at all. i got caugt up with feelings, with dreams and hopes and disappointment that i lost track of what was real. i had to sit down and take a deep breath but yet things did not seem to get any better. i managed to smile for a while but than i got lost again. sidetracked into this lonely road. all bleak and gloomy and the only one braving through it is me. i feel like retreating away from everything that i have, that i care about. i want a hug. a big tight one that lets me know that someone still cares. someone who actually bothers to be there. i just feel so lonely and sad. at this point in time, i feel incapable of happiness. maybe i will spend the night wondering or maybe i will light a few candles and bask in their glow.
i'm just not into it, i just dont want to participate. i just want to hide in my shell and never leave it.right now, more than anything. it was so so cold to sit alone at that empty bus stop and look at the cars passing by. the wind was strong. it has been exceptionally windy here these past few days. no one seems to notice that i am missing.

fuck it all.

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rain rain go away
come again another day

-sigh

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now lets not be hasty shall we;



went out with them people today to sentosa and than to raffles. was so hot and sweaty and had a severe severe stomach ache. but all was in good fun though my pictures totally suck. like really. so we're currently living breathing photog yet again and looking at the list at tjans blog makes me wanna curl up into a ball and hide away from the rest of the world, never to be seen, found or heard again. mondays coming soon. sha la la la la (:



and i got a frangipani today from a complete stranger. he was like ' a present for you' (:
according to kamn, it's poisonous, soooooo..
but it's real nice and pretty though. and vanda miss joaquin is an asswipe orchird. couldnt find the original flower. all sentosa had was the douglas or the josephine one. not the original. pffttttt and the garden wasnt well kept at all. no signs to show what flowers they were and it was horrid. just horrid. just because it's free. tsk tsk tsk.

moving on.
next stop,



london, just a mere 10873km away from the sunny tropical island of singapore.

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never ever believe what you see or hear. dont take things at face value and be strong when faced with challenges. love is a many splendid things. so is sleep and food i reckon. just trying to move on and get on with it. jiggy on baby. randomness at night and procastinating the work that has to be done. piano is going to suffer cause i refuse to practice. and how is it that one can be so beautifully made? to have your life and trade mine in. sell your sould to the devil and make a deal that cannot be broken. she saw the devil as she sat, enjoying the tranquility that the distant mountains provide.

-fly firefly fly. provide the warmth and light that the cold and blind seek. cup your wings in my open palms and stare at that little bulb of light. glowing, shimmering.
and to free fall into endlessness. a parachuter without his parachute is a case of suicide indeed.

saint jimmy

152

i swear i am going to be so broke possibly by the end of this month. with three movies to watch and birthday gifts and lunches and photog, it's a wonder i can survive.most of the rayer money is possibly gone. i wonder where all my money has gone too. i think i need to have a 555 notebook where i will record in detail, my spending expenditure. right to the last five cents. butlikethat'severgoingtohappen.

caught lizzytown yesterday and pride and prejudice just now.memoirs next week. i wish they will all stop showing all the good movies in a one month period already. it's frustrating.
town was good and i believe that there are many lessons that you can take from the movie. plus, you get to see bloom cry and dance with one leg on the ground and one arm waving in the air. you learn to let yourself go and try things that you never thought that you will try in a million years, like tap dancing or fixing the toilet or the car. and knowing that the people closest to you are the one who cares. give in to your misery or sorrow for a good five seconds and than learn to let go and move on. there was a phrase that quite struck me in the movie but i cant really remember it now. something something melancholy. and to find someone who you can just talk and relate too and to explore new things. never be a substitute.
understood p&p better the second time round. the english and the romance and the dances. the houses especially! and the clothes and the aritocrastic man. sigh, to live in that era. (:

i didnt notice that my colour shot looked yellowish till the last minute and she said that my macro shot wasnt sharp enough. ohwells. to quote unquote 'widid'.
yesterday was all about missed opportunities. waving and looking back and mango and a possible 1.0 GPA. but how can that possibly be known right?

sometimes she really drives me insane. i almost blew up at her on sun but than again, you have to smile and pretend that everthing is all right.

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in the end, these are what i picked. macro and colour.

150

i love them people to bits <3

149

i was blog hopping and i found this bgss girl who is currently doing her three months in tpjc. just for that moment, i wondered what would it be like if i had stayed. i remembered the orientation, meeting new friends and slacking in the canteen and skipping pe. how i found a friend that has lasted till now-and i am still quite amazed that it did-and all those mcdonalds breakfast and not going for maths lecture. it was fun while it lasted but i do not think that i could have survived.
it felt like it happened so long ago, but it was only last year.

148

words just seems to escape me now, all a hopeless and blumbering.

and why, why must you always say that i am deprived? it was a testi, that is all that is. maybe because there is nothing new so we must drag on the old. it happens in friendships, the good the bad and the ugly. we survived.

but sometimes you just get so tired, so tired of it all. to break free and fly loose. meet someone new but always knowing the old will be there. but maybe i am taking advantage, or am i the one who is being taken for a ride? and i try so hard but achieved so little. and i realised that i am not stressing on anything. she said that i was the happiest person she knew. is that true? but a smile on the face reveals nothing hidden underneath. you, are the one person i know who can truly hide under a facade. you never let anything show, you never let me in though i try so hard. i scratch the surface when all i really want is something more.
i wanna know all about you and i dont want to share. possesive?maybe.

a hidden twisted side. you may never know. but i enjoy. just free days of doing nothing but hanging out and talking with random pauses in between. of going on an adventure and learning something new. of wearing heels and getting blisters but having fun all at the same time. just keep swimming, just keep swimming.
of always looking, hoping but never getting, touching. reaching out and wondering and fantasizing and skinny ankels and dreadlocks. of sweaters so soft i just want to snuggle and cuddle and breathe you in.

broken promises, broken hearts. turning capsules and taking photographs.
learning and growing and accepting and laughing. crying. disbelief. anger. syukur, alhamdullilah.
just great great people that have walked into my life, left footprints behind that will never ever wash away.

great trips and great songs and things that came a little too late, and a tad too early. it's been a year mate, of ups and downs and turn arounds.

and you, i can always confide in and tell everything. though you might laugh, you might insult, you are still there. have always been there. i just hope i can do the same to you. and though all might seem grey and dreary and lost. you have survived so far on your own. 17 years without having to depend on anybody. amazing, you little wooden thing when it comes to men. (:
maybe you'll find it in your heart to feel again. and i'm sorry i wasnt there when you needed to bitch, to cry, to laugh. how corny, but so true. so near but so far away. now all those times spend in school has been reduced to one hour lunches at any conveninet time.
and to the other one who i rarely see but i know you know i miss you all the same. even you, times spent are reduced to boring lectures where everyone will not be paying attention to him. you and your drawings and your art and learning how to eat vegetables. and talking more, i have to say. floating through and keeping your head just slightly above the water. we will weather through this storm, and i'm sorry.

and i write in circles just to satisfy me. but still the ache is there. this loss of feeling, right at the bottom of my heart. dont go away so soon, stay and hold me here, right here. do you feel that? the pulse, the beat. steady, erratically, slowly and than faster and faster. that is what you do to me. increases, heightens and slowly, slowly, crawls. and she, the one i love most in the entire world is going to leave me someday. her heart, is wrong, her left arm, is numb. i pray the hospital will find nothing wrong and that they will return my mom, just as she was before. what am i going to do without her? will you two be there for me? catch my tears and hold my hands. help me through the sob story and than build me up again.

i lean on you so so much.

rainy days do this to me.

147

i feel so cheated each time. robbing of my time and emotions. like you can just switch of hot or cold? dont even know why i'm complaining. but hell yeah.
took some photos of hannah, wait not some, like an entire roll. still cant find colours nor macro. it's draining me of cash tsk.

idontwannawashmywound.

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Tak Bisakah - Peter Pan (OST Alexandria)
hatiku bimbang namun tetap pikirkanmu
selalu selalu dalam hatikuku melangkah sejauh apapun itu selalu engkau di dalam hatiku
ku berjalan berjalan memutar waktu berharap temukan sisa hatimu mengertilah ku ingin engkau begitu mengerti kau di dalam hatiku

reff: tak bisakah kau menungguku hingga nanti tetap menunggu
tak bisakah kau menuntunku menemani jalan hidupku

ku berjalan berjalan memutar waktu berharap temukan sisa hatimu
mengertilah ku ingin engkau begitu
mengerti kau di dalam hatiku
dara kau menjadi hidupku
kemana kau tahu isi hatiku
tunggu sejenak aku di situ
jalanku jalan menemukanmu

i am addicted to this song cause it was the last song that they sang before we left. oh damn. his voice is something else all together.

145

it has been raining non stop the whole day and all my plans have crashed and fallen to the ground. time to pictures already!

144

my feet is a blister heaven. i have one each on both of my little toes and one each on my heel.
but yesterday was great fun (:
aeroplanes and great food and blistering feet and 'just keep swimming, just keep swimming'

i realised that we singaporeans take safety for granted. while in the nlb yesterday, the fire alarm rang and no one moved a muscle. all were going about their usual business, ignoring the alarm. whereas we all know that once the alarm sounds, you should move out and like, evacuate the building right? but no. i guess it's this mentality whereby it is in singapore and fires found in the library is unheard off. but what if the fire was real? than everyone would just start scrambling up the escalator and bam, chaos.

ugh, my feet still hurts.

and i try to cheat myself, thinking i have no work to do when in fact assignments are piling up.
i love january this month. so many holidays.
lalalalalala
that's the bulk of the pics taken in kl. damn i wish i brought the cam to the concert. seeing the tickets just hits home.
i've been so emo these days. must be the pms. :/ 

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i have this inane urge to have skin contact. i had a weird dream and than i saw tan flesh and i wanted it like, bad.
god i need a life.
tomorrow is formal wear and my toes are freaking aching due to the pretty pretty pumps. and i am quite on for oasis but only if wanqi can make it. so how?
and i just totally did homework for that ungrateful neighbour of mine. but doing maths make me feel, accomplish. i dont really want to admit it, but it gave me a rush. is that sad or what? haha
nothing beats the scribing of pencil against paper, trying to figure out how to do the sums. i'm surprised i still remembered how to do stimultaneous equations. (:

cheeezelsticks!

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i guess it has finally sank in that i have been to their concert. wasnt time of my life exactly but it was great. (: it was raining like fuck when we wanted to go there and since the organisers banned the use of umbrella, we had to cover bits and pieces of us using torn into half yellow plastic sheets. when we got to the stadium there were like alot of people! newspaper said that there were over 20 000 people who went there and the stadium was like filled ah! and the indons pushed the barriers down and i wanted to run but had to stay. than started jumping and screaming and kicking mud and finding hotel istana. sigh. and now when i see them on tv, i can say i've been to their concert! oh,peterpan. heh
but he is a hot father of two.

and oh oh oh. oasis anyone?
<3