i feel like the worst sort of friend cause i wasnt there when i told you i would.
i'm sorry ):
and we are all trying to desperately keep our head floating above the water.
-
celebrated tjan's birthday two days ago. i hope she had fun! and i swear i cannot eat without staining the scarf. i dont know why but i dont seem to enjoy shopping as much as the rest. i can get insanely bored, but i'll try my best! hoho compromises, compromises. it's all about the company you keep.
everything has been a blank and i try my best to colour it all up. sometimes the colours are dull and gloomy but there are days when everything is bright and shinny. and that's when i know, no matter what, you will be there for me. i hope. everything is all written in clues. it's crazy cause this is my blog and yet i am hiding names (:
23.5.06
22.5.06
210
i'm in a stupendously bad mood. things that friends give me will end up lost. why?!
i lost the bookmark than the key thingy. i feel lousy. i do appreciate them, i really do, i just dont know why they tend to do a disappearing act on me. pfffftttt. don't come near me.
you made me smile and forget, if only for awhile. i'm sorry i'm such a grouch.
i'm lonely ):
Pick me up, buttercup baby
i lost the bookmark than the key thingy. i feel lousy. i do appreciate them, i really do, i just dont know why they tend to do a disappearing act on me. pfffftttt. don't come near me.
you made me smile and forget, if only for awhile. i'm sorry i'm such a grouch.
i'm lonely ):
Pick me up, buttercup baby
21.5.06
209
there's been a lack of photos! my blog has been getting too wordy. boorrriiinnngggg.
i like it when my days are filled with love and laughter. today was just hot and boring. tomorrow will be lots of fun i hope! going to go for the biiiggg walk. and i'm rendered useless. time is passing way too fast. time for it all to slow down already!
daijobu!
i like it when my days are filled with love and laughter. today was just hot and boring. tomorrow will be lots of fun i hope! going to go for the biiiggg walk. and i'm rendered useless. time is passing way too fast. time for it all to slow down already!
daijobu!
19.5.06
15.5.06
207
i'm zonked out. seriously. spending time with friends is love. and it's nice to walk back home with someone you can talk too. pish posh. i need to sleep. and wizard of oz! because, because, because, because,because and how they had to make every word rhyme and the lion whose tail was held up by string. such randomness and gayness. a tiny red bow, a mass of curls.
randomness.
randomness.
12.5.06
205
yeee haaa! i got my bookmark and a rabu rabu letter from tjan today! so nice (:
i finally finally finished my recording. had like 2 mins and 20 seconds worth. i hope it'll be ok. didnt know recording was so stressful. goodness.
now to start on term paper and journals. pui.
<3
i finally finally finished my recording. had like 2 mins and 20 seconds worth. i hope it'll be ok. didnt know recording was so stressful. goodness.
now to start on term paper and journals. pui.
<3
8.5.06
204
you know how it is, you go through the motions but your heart is just not into it. blame it on pms blame it on the weather when deep down inside you know that you are just letting the mood get to you. you become carrried away. i am so reluctant right not. reluctant to do anything cept for staring straight away and aimlessly carry on what i have been doing so far. and time flies by so fast, it was 8, than 9, than 10. it's going to carry on, never ending. but i dont have the urgency to reach out and stop and snap myself out of this. all i want to do is lay in bed in the dark and listen to dark brooding music. but i have my responsibilities and i'm trying. truly i am. but nothing interest me now. it's so, sian. everything is. all shades of gray with no sparkle in between. maybe i'll wake up feeling better. maybe. game.
3.5.06
203
it is easy to be lost forever in a moment, to remain unaware and close in.
i realise that sometimes, what i write may not be reflecting what i feel at that moment. it might be how i felt a few minutes before or after or right than and there, and once the post is up, i ask myself did i really feel that way? than i start to question myself and the validity of the post. am i lying to myself than? am i not being true? it came to me specially after i wrote the sunday post. about death. i didnt really feel that way when i wanted to start writing, but when i started, the emotions just flowed during that entire post and when i ended, the feeling just ended. and i was like, why did i write that in the first place? strang aint it? maybe it's just me.
this whole obsession has got to end. it's time to put a stop and concentrate on reality and the fact that over 109702917509175 girls have the same feeling as me towards him. enough of the fangirl-ing. i hope.
for the first time, i feel a bit apprehensive and i wondered if i should have just joined some science course instead. looking at that snippet of espn and thinking that i have to do something like that just scares the beejezus out of me. there was that tiny sprinkling feeling of regret. but it was squashed down just as fast as it appeared. i need to start believing in myself more and telling myself that i can do it. if everyone else can, so can i. maybe i'll be like that little engine that could. i've been telling everyone to be strong and it's time i put that cliche line to use. it's time to see how high my limits are. i'm still feeling scared though. very scared in fact. i hope i'll be able to get through this year! i really do. ganbatte. if that is ever the correct spelling.
i'm glad we went to see you tonight. it was enough to see you smile, even during that short while. i hope that us being there will be able to help you go through this difficult time. remember the happy moments.
i'll keep all of you in my prayers (:
monkey love
i realise that sometimes, what i write may not be reflecting what i feel at that moment. it might be how i felt a few minutes before or after or right than and there, and once the post is up, i ask myself did i really feel that way? than i start to question myself and the validity of the post. am i lying to myself than? am i not being true? it came to me specially after i wrote the sunday post. about death. i didnt really feel that way when i wanted to start writing, but when i started, the emotions just flowed during that entire post and when i ended, the feeling just ended. and i was like, why did i write that in the first place? strang aint it? maybe it's just me.
this whole obsession has got to end. it's time to put a stop and concentrate on reality and the fact that over 109702917509175 girls have the same feeling as me towards him. enough of the fangirl-ing. i hope.
for the first time, i feel a bit apprehensive and i wondered if i should have just joined some science course instead. looking at that snippet of espn and thinking that i have to do something like that just scares the beejezus out of me. there was that tiny sprinkling feeling of regret. but it was squashed down just as fast as it appeared. i need to start believing in myself more and telling myself that i can do it. if everyone else can, so can i. maybe i'll be like that little engine that could. i've been telling everyone to be strong and it's time i put that cliche line to use. it's time to see how high my limits are. i'm still feeling scared though. very scared in fact. i hope i'll be able to get through this year! i really do. ganbatte. if that is ever the correct spelling.
i'm glad we went to see you tonight. it was enough to see you smile, even during that short while. i hope that us being there will be able to help you go through this difficult time. remember the happy moments.
i'll keep all of you in my prayers (:
monkey love
2.5.06
202
today started out fine..new shoes, new bags, cute little bookmark from tjan that says nad love ryo, thaaannnnnnnnnn i found out that i lost that bookmark and i was so sad. still am sad though. so if anyone sees an orange bookmark with the words nad love ryo SEWN onto it, must let me know ok? i'm so sorry tjan ):
and than, i finally got ryo's mouten which is love. so today was like a curve graph, the unsmiley one. i hope tomorrow's a good day.
<3
and than, i finally got ryo's mouten which is love. so today was like a curve graph, the unsmiley one. i hope tomorrow's a good day.
<3
1.5.06
201
my aunty adopted a baby boy. he's two weeks old, so small and tiny and wrapped up. i dont understand how the mom was able to give him away. her own flesh and blood, a living breathing creature that she carried around for nine months. how can you give away something like that? granted, she does not have the means to care for him but still. i'll be depressed if i had to give my child away. i dont think i will even have the heart to pass him off to someone else. i'll have to be back into a corner with no way out, if you want me to give up my child. i'll have to be really desperate. it breaks my heart to know that he wont be able to know his mom and that as an adopted child, he can never really get the same amount of attention, especially since my aunt has two other children, one in primary school and the other, only 7 months old.
but i'll pray for the best for him, the newest addition to the family <3
but i'll pray for the best for him, the newest addition to the family <3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)