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so dad and mom just came home and i fought with dad. apparently i have to change my way of dressing and i got so fuming mad. bah! waterworks always always happens when i fight with him. i dont know why! with my mom, i'll always smile but with dad, i'll cry.
so i'm really tired and my eyes hurt. pish posh. and my stupid fish is smart! apparently it arranged the stones in a way that he has his own little corner. dont know how far true this is so i shalll purposely mess up the stones tomorrow and see what happens! hahaha

uhhh...there's like practically a ryo pic in every post now but i can't resist this! hahaha
he totally looks like the character no?
and that;s jin in the spidey mask

//edit: spiderman photo from here http://murasaki-five.livejournal.com/

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everything is over and done for! hurrah! paper wasn't as bad as i thought it would be (:
oh pfft, on the list of things that i have to do is to get a job for the next two months. doesnt sound so appealing though. ick.
i wish i had something more substantial to write, but er, that's zilch. besides the fact that tjan saw chee ko pek, us channelling our inner ryo and screaming at one another from ten continents or a mountain apart, everything has been pretty much the same. OH! there was a mad man in front of the house yesterday! scared me half to death. he was just standing outside and looking in and i was praying so hard that he wont come in cause the gate was unlock and the door was wide open! thank god he left after awhile.
so many random thoughts were in my head while he was standing outside. what if he came in and did something? or what if he just stood there and never left? pffftt. scary shit!

i got another ryo picture! yaaaayyyyy! (X

he so totally looks like jin here! i'm guessing it's the thumb in the mouth thing (:

tried to find a picture of jin doing the same thing but paaahhh, enough of looking at pretty boys already. i had a ryo overdose yesterday. same nose, same pose, same hands shoved into the pocket of jeans. made my day though. isn't it scary how a lovely picture can make my day. i need a life. hoho good luck for the rest of your papers! (:

252

i cant believe that it's two already. two thirty in fact. where did the morning go?! i'm still not done for film. better start soon! or better still, right now! oh pahhh

251

jin and maru are just the sweetest! patiently teaching down syndrome kids how to dance (:
i wonder what the parents feel like, having to raise kids with down syndrome. it must be difficult. i admire those who have (:

250

omg shit i feel so helpless for film! i think i need to watch the movies again but there's no time! baahhh. i can do this, yes i can! ((:

248

the word is suppose to say trust, but i guess it's too small. i'm obsessed with making icons now but they are all so ugly! hang me prease. film is on tues and yet, i'm twiddling thumbs. bmr was -_- dont think i'll fail but... sssshhh better not say anything. (:
i received a batch that said kepercayaan, the word seemed to mock me. trust.
and omg, 5k bedsheets? i will sleep on the floor can?

dan gua bilang lu ah,lu blajar tinggi tinggi okay? only the cousin can put up with this crap <3

248

i have an entire row of her pictures in my handphone and camera! i swear, i have not met anyone who likes to take silly photos as much as her! (:


padam pam pam! tomorrow's the first paper than it's one more to go and than it's horrraaayyyyy! however, i'm still pretty much slacking. i dont have that oh shit feeling. though i think i might have lost my ez link card which would suck big time. oh pfffttt
i realised i havent really been chatting. no wonder i have this inane urge to talk to complete strangers. -_-
staying home for too long makes me fat and lazy. i should start going out more often. and studying at home is so not productive! i keep procastinating and when i do sit down, i sit down for an hour than take a two-hour break. thank god i'm almost done! lalalalalalalala
where arreeee yooouuuuuuuuu?
and who's the smart person who decides to study at 5.30 in the morning at macdonalds? the bestie. pfffttttt. i wonder sometimes! am i the only sane person?
dad said ryo's ugly! like hellooo...no way!



i love the photo. i wonder where he got the ring! he's been spending so much! the necklace, the watch the ring. so rich uh? oh welllssss. happy happy
and i love love love the suit pi's wearing!
the streaks make him look so like golf and mike though
kimu was added in to fill up the gap. hahahahah
bang
icks
(:

247

suffice to say i dont want to remember yesterday. i got confused and mixed up and i guess, i'll just let things be. i knew something bad was going to happen if i poked my nose into things. i listened to his side and i know my mom's side and let's just leave it at that. i dont want things to blow up all over again. at least it's good that i met up and talked with him.
i love days alone at home (:

245

urgh! for some reason the alignment is all out of place! the skin looks so weird and ugly now! stupid blogger. it refuses to publish the changes! grrr
on the other hand

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE!
you're 18, you're healthy, you're happy
have a great day ahead!
xoxoxo

245

i realise that my blog can seem well, quite impersonal. my name didnt appear anywhere before, theres hardly a tagboard and i dont write anything to introduce myself. i guess i always assumed that no one reads what i write about. but i guess there are people out there who do. hugs and kisses to you (:
i still cant quite bring myself to say anything else more, i'm just another person out of a billion who owns a blog. oh wells.
<3

244

what a way to start a new day! ((:

243

and you ask what is it that i want and i honestly say i have no idea. i'm clueless as to what i want. surprise me? (:
today was spend screaming around in empty cinemas, finding the right cinema and then walking around aimlessly. sea monkeys is love. it's all about faith and beliveing and never giving up hope.
i dont think i can read another report on another another cause i think my heart will break and i'll tear my heart out. i dont know why i'm consumed by this feeling but it's just there and i dont know if it will go away. just bear with me while i scream out my frustrations at not being able to have the means nor the ways for being there. i just yearn so much that sometimes it scares me cause i am not used to feeling this way. i need to focus my attention on something else but for the time being, all is a blank. i'm just floating around with no direction and purpose as everything is over, at least for now. just leave me be and i'll be fine soon enough.
everything will fade in due time and all that will be left is dust. let the dust settle down and the world will echo, alone with its loneliness. i dont know. i really dont know (:
cause i'm just writing down what i'm feeling, what i feel like saying. so thoughts are just jumbled up and random and i feel so uneasy inside. something is missing, something is not right.
do you belive in instinct? that one moment where the heart and the mind actually agrees on something and you act on it, only to realise that you were wrong?
what if you were right? do you than rely on purely instinct only? how will you lead your life?

i wanna live in a bubble so fragile and so alone, floating away on the passing wind. no control over where i will float, leaving it all to to fate. why live under pretenses? is there something going on that i dont know anything about? oh sigh.
and at times i wonder if i really know myself. outside and in. am i so confident of where i stand? of where i belong? oh fuck it all to the sky.
let's just worry when the time comes. i have no idea what's going to happen tomorrow either. maybe something will happen that will change the way i view life. like huh right.

all these girls writing down what they would feel/do if they met ryo and i'm thinking, wtf? are you delusional? are you for real? some say they will faint laugh scream cry ask for autographs but when they do meet him, if they REALLY DO MEET HIM. do you think they will do what they just wrote down? fans boggle my mind. they really do. all the weird quirks and habits, but sigh, i'm one too no?
i just want it all to pass. i want to be in the apartment with a lovely view.
my heart just refuses to settle down. how come i dont come across as being happy in my blog?
):

242

this desktop will be the death of me. i want my lappie back! ):
tjan, do mail me the script for the radio drama yeah (:

something's missing. if only i knew what.
it's a random cycle. am i suppose to have aimless episodes like these every month?

241

finally after so long kaman and i caught pirates! god that movie is a bunch of laughs. johnny depp is perfect for that role. always swaying around and acting drunk. it was more like a comedy than anything else. i love it!
finally bmr is over. left with audio and multicam and freaking french. horrid week part 2 will be over soon! wed's national day! i feel so unpatriotic. remember how during sec school days there will always be celebrations and what not? i miss those days. hanging out in the hall and making fun of the performers on stage (:
managed to copy nana into my laptop where it will forever stay. chong chong better come over to watch it with me! and fireworks on sun was love. i love fireworks though the view sucked on that day. we were peering through a small gap between the trees. they really should chop it down or something like that. i prefer ndp firework's though. those are big and loud. but the fireworks festival was awesome too. cant wait for the next two shows!
i feel abit worried that i'm slacking. but there is not much work to be done also, so it's okay if i take a teeny weeny break no? better start writing script for french though. why did i take this cds again? god i hope i dont have to retake the cds. i really really hope he accepts our project. pffffttttt

240

oh fuck just realised that our french project hasnt been uploaded. likeohshitfuckitdamnbad!
aiyah. should check school email more frequently. this sucks fucking bad.
i dont know if i was just tired or i'm really sick but i slept a whole bunch today. oh wells. panadol works magic and nana is awesome. ihavenomoodtoblog. shit man. how?

239

crazy week is over! hooray hooray!
i think i got high on cookies just now. lol. blame the brother. and i didnt have dinner and i realised i dont drink a lot
which is bad
tjan quickly do faster can! tired already! and ryo broke/fractured/sprained his pinkie. and he looks evil now adays. maybe he was just afraid of blood. it looked mummified. oh god. i cant typer properly. i'm brain dead. cause i am shameless, yesterday was one more month to my birthday. so it makes it what 30? 29? days from now? hahahahahah
cookkiee moonnsstteerrrrr
hahahaha i randomly called bestie and asked her how many brains do we have. and i threatened to read my film paper to her! hahahaha
majide? honto!
i. need. sleep.
TJAN QUICK LAH
hahahaha