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LOL! SHA, WE ARE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER!

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Sharifah is your soulmate.

You truly love Arafah.

You consider Wan Qi your true friend.

You know that Ka Man is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Tjan for the rest of your life.

You secretly think Arafah is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Wan Qi is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that Tjan is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Tjan changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Ka Man is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Ka Man has a hidden internet romance.

What Do You Think of Your Friends?

297

it's a rainy day. rainy days are love, but it makes me very sleepy. i was suppose to do journals once i reached home but i napped instead. and cause it was not a very peaceful nap, as in i kept waking up, i feel very tired now. but i must plough on. four journals to do. FOUR!

i had weird dreams too! i dreamt of nat, novi and selvia and arafah and ibrizah and they were having lunch in tp. the best part was that they were dressed in the awful awful sec school uniform! and i dreamt of mr erwin too! that impossibly gross teacher which i hated. truly truly disliked him. TSK.

went to buy groceries with mum and i've decided to bring packed lunches to school now. i'm amazingly broke it's scary. gaaahhh.

watching tatta just makes me go awwwwww. sigh sigh sigh. still not over it. cant wait for episode seven to be up! and it'll be over in three weeks time. nine more days left of school. that's even scarier.

time is moving way to fast.

courtesy of tjan (:

296

can the weather stop being so erratic already?
hot sun, then rain, then hot sun again. it's no wonder people are getting the flu!
(read:tjan) hope you're feeling better now <333

went off to celebrate zy's and jen extremely belated birthday but jen couldnt make it in the end. ate at amirah's grill and am glad that all of them enjoyed it. should come back again next time.
on the way to bugis, there was this bastard of a man. come to think of it, we should have done something but for some strange reason, i just couldnt.i was just shocked that people like the bastard actually existed. i hope he dies a horrible death. i felt really bad. i hear stories of things like this happening to people but never thought i'd face it myself. BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD. i hope some evil disease eats up his super small dick. BASTARD. grrrr

sip talk today just left me slightly hyperventilating. six months of working and all. we will be fed to the lions! but the companies that the course is working with sounds extremely cool. i hope i'd get bates or waltdisney! gaaaahhhh. i cant believe it. it seems like yesterday when i was in year one. oh pui. here's to a new adventure.

i better start studying for madrasah as it is. grrrrr. dreamt of the boy, again. it's getting quite irritating as i already made the decision to not care anymore. it doesnt matter anymore. over it. this is quite possibly the fastest one ever. besides amin, but then, that one was already out of reach. lol

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You deserve someone who loves you with every single beat of his heart, someone who thinks about you constantly, someone who spends every minute of every day just wondering what you’re doing, w here you are, who you’re with and if you’re ok. You need someone who can help you reach your dreams and who can protect you from your fears, you need someone who will treat you with respect, love every part of you, especially your flaws. You should be someone who can make you happy, really happy, dancing on air happy.
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My heart broke when I saw the woman I love turning away from me to walk down the aisle with another man, another man she planned to spend the rest of her life with. It was like a prison sentence for me. Years ahead, without me being able to tell you how I feel or hold you how I wanted to.
Twice we stood beside each other at the altar. Twice and twice we got it wrong. I needed you to be there for my wedding day, but I was too stupid to see that I needed you to be the reason for my wedding day.

-rosie dunne
By Cecilia Ahern

it's been ages since i felt so emo shit after reading a book. this book reminds me that love still exist, and that it will find you. it's just a matter of time. of fate dealing you a card that works. imagine finally being with your soulmate at fifty when you have known him all your life.
and it's the silence that counts here. not the touch, the silence. the silence where you know, it's meant to be. how can i expect less when i'm influenced by books such as this?
every one wants their own perfect fairytale, of prince charming and knight in shiny armour.

don't you think that in all that time, that if something was supposed to happen with you two, if it was so meant to be, that it would have happened by now?

my eyelashes are still caked with mascara. never have i felt like an experiment before. caked half my face with this concealer, the other half with another, compare, decide, wash off and try again. the make up artist was very very patient and she was very very nice.
i had fun, and my cousin was like welcome to womanhood. bloody hell. (:

and i wished i didnt sms cause now he's not replying and now i feel stupid. but at least it's out of the system and i dont have that inane urge anymore. maybe i'll hide my phone.
I GOT MY PHONE BACK. hoorraaay. thanks to ka man for lending me hers while mine was being repaired. now it's as good as new cept that the photos are gone.

and if you're having a bad day, smile and have trust that everything will work out. i had a bad weekend too but insya-allah, things will work out. cause it always does. no matter what.
let's start over on a clean slate and hope for the best. i'll cross my finger and pray hard that everything will be ok. because things will be ok. just weather these few more weeks and the sem will be over before you know it. JIA YOU

and it's just so mind boggling confusing. if only i don't have this extra bit to worry about. i was more pissed off more than anything else and i still am. i'll pretend that i dont know what's going on. so i'll leave it as that. theres no way around it. i cant ask so the next best thing is to pretend. pretending is an art form. maybe i'll bury myself in persuasian. try to make sense of what austen is trying to say and worry about the journals too.

it feels strange that there are no deadlines this week. but we should still be working on projects and what nots. but for the time being. everything takes back seat. and i try so hard to shove it to the back of the head but there are instances where i'll rant and i'll most probably repeat it over and over again and jab my food, pretending that it's him i'm stabbing. or maybe the girl, or maybe myself for caring too much.
you knew it would somehow end up this way, you knew it.

hope is a danger. but i cant give up on it.
oh fuck it all, why so emo?

293

needless to say, i am disappointed that things did not work out as plan. but hey, you lose some, you win some. i'm trying to deal with this in the most rational way and the only thing i can think of is that, at least my bill wont overshoot anymore. going out once twice, okay, i can deal with it but hello, three times and so blatantly? bull shit. that's not being nice anymore. but then of course, i might be wrong, god knows i was wrong before but i refuse to ask. because i dont want to know. if they did go out for lunch, i'll feel worse, if they didnt then i'll feel stupid so the best course is to pretend nothing happen. scrap away the episode and shelve it deep down.
it seemed ages ago when i asked if we would still be friends but well, hey ho. i got my answer no? *deep breath*

ladies nite was awesome awesome. thank god ili was there! our group was quite happening too! it was such a laugh looking at the dance and the play. it was a great event and finally, after months of planning everything is over and done for. i'm abit sad now cause there's not much to look forward for. but it was great while it lasted. kudos to the team who made it happen ((:
much love <33

i'm tired of analyzing everything and comparing and thinking back. hafalan was okay. me and naz didn't want to go but i'm glad we did. at least we dont have to go through the torture again in december. and my heart still aches just a tiny bit but it'll go away soon enough. someone else will come by, bring a smile to my face then break the heart into tiny pieces; or maybe, dare i say it, make me oh so very happy. it's okay to hope, right?

remember tonight, for it is the beginning of always

lol, because i felt like it ((:

graphic

290

yesterday was spent with my two favouritest people in my course ((:
lol. i see you puking there tjan! admit it that you love me. hahahaha

ok enough of that. finally i stepped foot into vivo. which is, ok, i guess. it's huge and all but i preferred the outside rather then the inside. there were just alot of eating places and shops which were not open yet. i saw the most gorgeous ring though and i am tempted tempted to get it! but it's freaking expensive. the outside of vivo was all dark and gloomy but it's such a nice place to hang out! the wading pool, the freaky black thing. the best part though was THE SHIP. that was amazing. i was so excited when i saw it! it felt as though we were on a holiday and not in singapore. the weather was perfect, the company was much love. yesterday's outing made my day ((:
and the mango boost was much better then the berry though ka man and tjan preferred the latter. zy knows how to drive! i'll get you a car k! hoho

and urm, radio class just sucks cock. might as well just throw us there and let us figure out by ourselves. no point teaching if you're just going to sit there and stone. bloody hell. damn pissed off.
and things are looking up now. alhamdullilah. ladies nite tomorrow and exams the day after that! better start to memorise, at least a bit here and there. i'll just do well enough to pass! lol
IT'S THE WEEKEND! for once, can relax just a weeeee bit

i hope everything works out great tomorrow. a lot of people are counting on you k god!
<333

289

a proper update because i suddenly feel like i have all the time in the world but we all know that's not true! after that bad weekend, things are finally beginning to look up! ((:
got a decent grade for the proposal, finished off the slideshow though memories is still a big worry. date with kaman on thurs on a boat! lol tjan you coming not?
phones gonna be ready in two to three days so i can happily sms once again.

not having a phone sucks cause there were times when i desperately needed to call bestie but had to wait till i got home to talk. like yesterday, and on sunday. phone conversations are now at night cause both of us can barely spare time in the afternoon. i found out more news about the boy and the girl. good for mypart, but bad for her. i admire her guts for telling, i admire him for meeting her instead of just smsing. and we were saying, he took 8 hours to reply to her sms and if it came from me, he would most probably reply in say, 8 years, 8 months and 8 days! mep lecture starts in nine minutes but i'm still home. hoho. i feel like staying home. look, weather so nice and calm.
and i wonder why is it that he said no. why give all that crap about being friends but he gave her hope by saying, who knows. yeah, who knows. but in all reality, just who am i to him? apparently he treats each girl the same way. that boy is way too nice for his own good. he most probably doesnt know it. so i dont know where i stand but as it is, let's just see how it goes.

though it's only wedenesday, i keep thinking it's the end of the week. mr time has to slow down abit cause i need to catch my breath. waking up late is a luxury. hopefully the week will pass without any more misunderstanding and tears. dad has to stop lecturing me about money and he needs to show some support. and i need to start memorising my surahs cause there's a test this sunday. oh boy, do i feel the heat.

and why is there only thunder but no rain? i want a full blown storm, complete with lightning and booming thunder. but please, let me be at home when it happens ok god (:

288

i love this. got if from an e-mail. sha! you'll love it too. lol. i thought of you when i read this. (:

I used to look at veiled women as quiet, oppressed creatures -- until I was captured by the Taliban.

In September 2001, just 15 days after the terrorist attacks on the United States , I snuck into Afghanistan , clad in a head-to-toe blue burqa, intending to write a newspaper account of life under the repressive regime. Instead, I was discovered, arrested and detained for 10 days. I spat and swore at my captors; they called me a "bad" woman but let me go after I promised to read the Koran and study Islam. (Frankly, I'm not sure who was happier when I was freed -- they or I.)

Back home in London , I kept my word about studying Islam -- and was amazed by what I discovered. I'd been expecting Koran chapters on how to beat your wife and oppress your daughters; instead, I found passages promoting the liberation of women. Two-and-a-half years after my capture, I converted to Islam, provoking a mixture of astonishment, disappointment and encouragement among friends and relatives.

Now, it is with disgust and dismay that I watch here in Britain as former foreign secretary Jack Straw describes the Muslim nikab -- a face veil that reveals only the eyes -- as an unwelcome barrier to integration, with Prime Minister Tony Blair, writer Salman Rushdie and even Italian Prime Minister Romano Prodi leaping to his defense.

Having been on both sides of the veil, I can tell you that most Western male politicians and journalists who lament the oppression of women in the Islamic world have no idea what they are talking about. They go on about veils, child brides, female circumcision, honor killings and forced marriages, and they wrongly blame Islam for all this -- their arrogance surpassed only by their ignorance. These cultural issues and customs have nothing to do with Islam. A careful reading of the Koran shows that just about everything that Western feminists fought for in the 1970s was available to Muslim women 1,400 years ago. Women in Islam are considered equal to men in spirituality, education and worth, and a woman's gift for childbirth and child-rearing is regarded as a positive attribute. When Islam offers women so much, why are Western men so obsessed with Muslim women's attire? Even British government ministers Gordon Brown and John Reid have made disparaging remarks about the nikab -- and they hail from across the Scottish border, where men wear skirts.

When I converted to Islam and began wearing a headscarf, the repercussions were enormous. All I did was cover my head and hair -- but I instantly became a second-class citizen. I knew I'd hear from the odd Islamophobe, but I didn't expect so much open hostility from strangers. Cabs passed me by at night, their "for hire" lights glowing. One cabbie, after dropping off a white passenger right in front of me, glared at me when I rapped on his window, then drove off. Another said, "Don't leave a bomb in the back seat" and asked, "Where's bin Laden hiding?"

Yes, it is a religious obligation for Muslim women to dress modestly, but the majority of Muslim women I know like wearing the hijab, which leaves the face uncovered, though a few prefer the nikab. It is a personal statement: My dress tells you that I am a Muslim and that I expect to be treated respectfully, much as a Wall Street banker would say that a business suit defines him as an executive to be taken seriously. And, especially among converts to the faith like me, the attention of men who confront women with inappropriate, leering behavior is not tolerable.I was a Western feminist for many years, but I've discovered that Muslim feminists are more radical than their secular counterparts.

We hate those ghastly beauty pageants, and tried to stop laughing in 2003 when judges of the Miss Earth competition hailed the emergence of a bikini-clad Miss Afghanistan , Vida Samadzai, as a giant leap for women's liberation. They even gave Samadzai a special award for "representing the victory of women's rights."

Some young Muslim feminists consider the hijab and the nikab political symbols, too, a way of rejecting Western excesses such as binge drinking, casual sex and drug use. What is more liberating: being judged on the length of your skirt and the size of your surgically enhanced breasts, or being judged on your character and intelligence? In Islam, superiority is achieved through piety -- not beauty, wealth, power, position or sex. I didn't know whether to scream or laugh when Italy's Prodi joined the debate last week by declaring that it is "common sense" not to wear the nikab because it makes social relations "more difficult." Nonsense. If this is the case, then why are cellphones, landlines, e-mail, text messaging and fax machines in daily use? And no one switches off the radio because they can't see the presenter's face.Under Islam, I am respected. It tells me that I have a right to an education and that it is my duty to seek out knowledge, regardless of whether I am single or married. Nowhere in the framework of Islam are we told that women must wash, clean or cook for men.

As for how Muslim men are allowed to beat their wives -- it's simply not true. Critics of Islam will quote random Koranic verses or hadith, but usually out of context. If a man does raise a finger against his wife, he is not allowed to leave a mark on her body, which is the Koran's way of saying, "Don't beat your wife, stupid." It is not just Muslim men who must reevaluate the place and treatment of women. According to a recent National Domestic Violence Hotline survey, 4 million American women experience a serious assault by a partner during an average 12-month period. More than three women are killed by their husbands and boyfriends every day -- that is nearly 5,500 since 9/11.Violent men don't come from any particular religious or cultural category; one in three women around the world has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused in her lifetime, according to the hotline survey. This is a global problem that transcends religion, wealth, class, race and culture.But it is also true that in the West, men still believe that they are superior to women, despite protests to the contrary. They still receive better pay for equal work -- whether in the mailroom or the boardroom -- and women are still treated as sexualized commodities whose power and influence flow directly from their appearance.

And for those who are still trying to claim that Islam oppresses women, recall this 1992 statement from the Rev. Pat Robertson, offering his views on empowered women: Feminism is a "socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."Now you tell me who is civilized and who is not.

hermosh@aol.com

Yvonne Ridley is political editor of Islam Channel TV in London and coauthorof "In the Hands of the Taliban: Her Extraordinary Story" (Robson Books).

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it hurts so bad right now, i could not have learnt about the news at a better timing.
it doesn't just rain, it pours.
it'll take a while, and i'm wishing it's not true, but here's what i get when i hope and wish.
heart strewn across the floor.
i'll pick up the pieces. soon enough.

286

i swear everything is against me right now. let's start with friday which was also kaman's birthday, hope she had a nice dinner which i could not attend but that's okay.
had to be in school by eight which is like, crazy. didnt bring thumbdrive so i had to re-do the audio thing all over again. then there was ad libbing which is nuts because i can't think of what to say. got kind of sad cause others were so good and then couldn't be bothered cause was just too tired. had dinner and watched convenant with the brother which was a waste of six dollars cause the show was like -___________- all skin and cute boys and pretty girls. reminded me of a l.j smith book made to movie kind of thing. then yesterday while doing the slide show, memories thought it would be fun to kind of shut off by itself, which it still is doing, and i'm this close to tearing my hair out. annnnddd my handphone also decided that it should go nuts, so it's switching off and on by itself too. banging it and dropping it does not help. at all. so i am contactless and possibly going bald cause i have not started my proposal too. ok breathe in.
planning, planning.
i can do this
yes i can
insya-allah

285

it's just strange. now what? how do we move on from here? -____-
i'm tired but memories is not done so i say i sleep then wake up early. i hope i'd waked up early.
dad finally got me my hard disk space! yatta!
interview is done!
love love <3

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it's the simplest things that can make me happy. sms from sha on wed, from shu ting when she heard about the fall and arafah, who came to rescue me. it's the silliest things to, that my friends do that makes me happy, like tjan going oh my and then laughing to herself and her love affair with toilets, eating whopers and hanging out, and singing happy birthday in a ridiculous voice. it's these things that keeps me sane. i realised that i havent had a happy post in quite a while, so here is one. i'm fine and dandy, thanks to the loves <333

good luck to the cousin, wq and ili for the a's! it'll be over soon, JIA YOU

ryo's birthday was yesterday and yes tjan, i hope he spent it with those baka people too! hard disk shopping is mind boggling. sim lim square is like, crazy! so is giving out flyers! i swear ka man and i were just laughing through out. giving out flyers requires very thick skin.

watching tatta makes me want to cry and tear my hair out. the scene where he was on the bed with his brother and his brother leaned on him and listen to his heartbeat? LOVE
where he tried to win that orange thing for her? LOVE
where he held out his hand and she puts the orange thing and he smiled? LOVE
where he is willing to do anything for her, and the smile? LOVE
and kame looking so cool, while smoking? *MELTS BIG TIME*
oh sigh, i love tatta. it's corny and all but it makes me go awwwwww and then wish i had someone like the turtle by my side too

i heard k8's new song and i think they're saying woooo...chinatown but they pronounced it such that it sounds like woooo...vagina. I SWEAR
and ryo has a new haircut!

for no rhyme nor reason cept that he looks hot like this. x)