i feel like i am this close to murdering someone. THII IS SERIOUSLY DRIVING ME CRAZY
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
25.2.07
22.2.07
316
because sometimes, things do work out in the end.
thanks ra, much love <33
isnt it strange, i was all prepared for the worst, talked to arafah and felt calmer, felt ready to face whatever it is that will happen next and then the next thing i know, things are all ok. but i can't help but feel that something else will happen soon enough. i'm glad that things are ok, but i find it strangely, anti-climaxing.
i should be shot for saying that.
as it is, i just finished reading a super nice akame fic, though it is super long. i should start on my writing samples too. and studying for ccc. fucking useless topic.
*crosses-fingers for interview tomorrow*
thanks ra, much love <33
isnt it strange, i was all prepared for the worst, talked to arafah and felt calmer, felt ready to face whatever it is that will happen next and then the next thing i know, things are all ok. but i can't help but feel that something else will happen soon enough. i'm glad that things are ok, but i find it strangely, anti-climaxing.
i should be shot for saying that.
as it is, i just finished reading a super nice akame fic, though it is super long. i should start on my writing samples too. and studying for ccc. fucking useless topic.
*crosses-fingers for interview tomorrow*
21.2.07
315
i know, i know, i should be studying for ccc. buuuuttttt
i really dont feel like it.
maybe i shall read through the notes. yeah. that's something (:
i dreamt that me, tjan, yip and tiffany from sec school were learning the dance from arahshi's kitto daijobu. *faints*
i really dont feel like it.
maybe i shall read through the notes. yeah. that's something (:
i dreamt that me, tjan, yip and tiffany from sec school were learning the dance from arahshi's kitto daijobu. *faints*
20.2.07
18.2.07
313
surfing around makes me feel like a complete bum. then i come across an eljay with beautifully taken shots and i feel like an utter failure and wished i had half thier talent. then wishing i had a camera and that i could go on a photo spree. but of course, this thoughts rarely last that long. but they come and go as they please. i have to stop and remind myself to stop wanting to be them, that i have to be myself, to feel happy with the way i am, and that there's always always room for improvement. that it's no use fealing envious(because jealous is just too ugly a word) and that i have other hidden talents, or so i like to think. deep breaths and then attempts at actually doing something. the grade is still haunting me.
i'm getting used to the house. it's been a week already but stuffs are still in boxes. it's hard to do things when i have no idea where to put my belongings. what to do. i hate the fact that happily ever after might not acutally exist and i'm scared to death. who on earth likes to be told to "expect the worse" just remember that you are not the only one, that you have two children to speak off.
i hate this. i hate this. i just like the illusion that we might be a perfect little family, though the bitterness inside, not many will know about. i want to share but i guess, for the time being, this piece of news will be locked up and hidden away. in the meantime, i'll prepare for the worse.
i secretly though, will hope that things will work out in the end. as the always do.
insya-allah.
i'm getting used to the house. it's been a week already but stuffs are still in boxes. it's hard to do things when i have no idea where to put my belongings. what to do. i hate the fact that happily ever after might not acutally exist and i'm scared to death. who on earth likes to be told to "expect the worse" just remember that you are not the only one, that you have two children to speak off.
i hate this. i hate this. i just like the illusion that we might be a perfect little family, though the bitterness inside, not many will know about. i want to share but i guess, for the time being, this piece of news will be locked up and hidden away. in the meantime, i'll prepare for the worse.
i secretly though, will hope that things will work out in the end. as the always do.
insya-allah.
16.2.07
312
i have to say that the sem ended in a very bitter bitter note. it's still hard for me to come to terms that i actually failed an assignemnt. failed. big time. F. and he dared say i failed by a few marks. like fuck, just give me a d or something, not a fucking f. terribly upset but of course the greatest group of friends tt i can possibly have cheered me up. sorry though if i screamed and emoed for awhile. it's just so hard to believe. like wtf, F. never before in my poly life did i think i would actually fail something. i mean yeah sure, you say it, you ponder it and you wonder if you would actually fail but you do not expect to actually fail. my grades this sem are all over the place. i mean even for broadcast, i was terribly upset about it. twice this week i ranted and raved over school work. it's sad cause no matter how hard i tried, i just can't seem to do well enough. and the added pressure to make it to a local u is not helping much. i'm just afraid for mep right now. i don't want to fail anymore. i feel like such a loser, seriously. but deep breaths, trying to see the lighter side of things. i still do pass overall, but though with not such good grades. i still have other things to worry about, but until then, sigh. this grade is going to haunt me forever. F. fuck it.
dinner tonight at popeye's was a treat! it's great to know that they're always there. XD loves and kisses. i know you love me! <333
i still want to know where it is in the damn airport that i can actually see the runway. i love planes. i love the feeling they give me. i like the fact that this heavy piece of metal is able to fly so high. but i'm always grateful each time the plane lands. it's like, thank god, flat ground. i'm truly trying to make myself feel better, but it's so hard. thank god i dont have to take radio. else this would just have broken my heart. this is the last for radio as it is. just have to work harder for year three then. no regrets. truly. i dont want to regret. as it is, i'll just enjoy my holiday before the craziness that is sip begins.
dinner tonight at popeye's was a treat! it's great to know that they're always there. XD loves and kisses. i know you love me! <333
i still want to know where it is in the damn airport that i can actually see the runway. i love planes. i love the feeling they give me. i like the fact that this heavy piece of metal is able to fly so high. but i'm always grateful each time the plane lands. it's like, thank god, flat ground. i'm truly trying to make myself feel better, but it's so hard. thank god i dont have to take radio. else this would just have broken my heart. this is the last for radio as it is. just have to work harder for year three then. no regrets. truly. i dont want to regret. as it is, i'll just enjoy my holiday before the craziness that is sip begins.
5.2.07
311
and i can't ask for more. much love. the house is as important to me as it is to the both of you. (i think XD) countless memories and events, birthday celebrations and sleep overs. baking cookies, lighting candles and most importantly, hanging out.
my life is ruled by boxes. what was once a room is now nothing but an empty space. shelves are cleared, candles are packed, books are stuffed into boxes. ten years of my life squeezed into one big box, four plastic casing and bits and pieces all over.
it's only for a year. insya allah.
i'll miss this house, definitely, cause my dad literally rebuilt it by himself.it might be peeling and dying and cracking but it still is a sturdy roof over my head. i feel safe here. this house has been through so much, has seen us grow, oh, if only the walls could speak, imagine the stories it would tell. i hope things will still remain as it is when i get back here after a year. to think that by next week, new tenants will be calling this house their home. there's just way too many things to pack into boxes. but it's ok, here's to another adventure ahead. (:
3.2.07
310
because because because, this week has been awesome, alhamdulilah. truly truly. <3
passed final on the first try, which is like a miracle considering i only studied like an hour before the paper, sat for so long trying to figure out the right answers. so now i am able to drive drive drive! can't wait for that, though i fear for the people on the streets and the other drivers.
our filming editing was like, fast. just laid down the music and things just sort of placed themselves accordingly. was slightly freaky and i secretly think that the music makes it sound like a suicide commercial.
watched babel which is not like what i expected it to be. a whole load of stereotype and beautiful scenery shots. i still think the japanese part should have been taken out and it could have concentrated more on cate blanchett and brad pitt.
i think that cate blanchett is awesome. i like her icy cool demeneaour and her mindset. she's different, she's very pretty in an icy blonde way and i heart her. i'm going to watch all the movies that she did. or at least try to.
wed was sph test day. horrid horrid horrid. how to write 500 words, edit a paper and summarise an article and do a close passage in the span of two and a half hours? crazy. and we had to bring our own pen some more. cheapskate. i can so cross straits times off my list now.
when i make loads of money by being a journalist, i'm going to buy myself a house and live like they did in the sixties.
ccc day. tried valiantly to start ccc. got as far as writing down headlines. which is a start. never have i ever felt more proud of tjan also. <3
it's also the day where i felt the most broke. i felt so poor, but when i reached home, i heard great news. got the loan from dad to start my driving license to!
i so have to give him like a months pay. i hope that's all that i would have to spend on driving.
had dinner with lovelies. enjoyed the time spent. the food was yummy delicious. i treasure moments like these. i so can't wait for next week and the week after next!
and the most important bit of this week was actually doing well for radio.
am totally proud of my radio group. though there were screw ups, as always, we managed it didnt we! *dances around*
i'm moving out asap. tenants will be here by the tenth, which is next week. will be mad packing till then. i'm going to miss this place, truly, no doubt about it. ten years of my life, but it's time to move on.
i'll get used to it. in the mean time, just have to bear with the slight inconvenience. at least the holidays are coming soon.
two weeks more! XD
passed final on the first try, which is like a miracle considering i only studied like an hour before the paper, sat for so long trying to figure out the right answers. so now i am able to drive drive drive! can't wait for that, though i fear for the people on the streets and the other drivers.
our filming editing was like, fast. just laid down the music and things just sort of placed themselves accordingly. was slightly freaky and i secretly think that the music makes it sound like a suicide commercial.
watched babel which is not like what i expected it to be. a whole load of stereotype and beautiful scenery shots. i still think the japanese part should have been taken out and it could have concentrated more on cate blanchett and brad pitt.
i think that cate blanchett is awesome. i like her icy cool demeneaour and her mindset. she's different, she's very pretty in an icy blonde way and i heart her. i'm going to watch all the movies that she did. or at least try to.
wed was sph test day. horrid horrid horrid. how to write 500 words, edit a paper and summarise an article and do a close passage in the span of two and a half hours? crazy. and we had to bring our own pen some more. cheapskate. i can so cross straits times off my list now.
when i make loads of money by being a journalist, i'm going to buy myself a house and live like they did in the sixties.
ccc day. tried valiantly to start ccc. got as far as writing down headlines. which is a start. never have i ever felt more proud of tjan also. <3
it's also the day where i felt the most broke. i felt so poor, but when i reached home, i heard great news. got the loan from dad to start my driving license to!
i so have to give him like a months pay. i hope that's all that i would have to spend on driving.
had dinner with lovelies. enjoyed the time spent. the food was yummy delicious. i treasure moments like these. i so can't wait for next week and the week after next!
and the most important bit of this week was actually doing well for radio.
am totally proud of my radio group. though there were screw ups, as always, we managed it didnt we! *dances around*
i'm moving out asap. tenants will be here by the tenth, which is next week. will be mad packing till then. i'm going to miss this place, truly, no doubt about it. ten years of my life, but it's time to move on.
i'll get used to it. in the mean time, just have to bear with the slight inconvenience. at least the holidays are coming soon.
two weeks more! XD
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